Customer Reviews

"Let's Face it, Men are @$$#%\e$": What Women Can Do About It

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

The book, written by two male therapists, opens by saying that not all men are jerks, but there is a significant number of men that ARE jerks, and they can make your life miserable. The authors also state that men in our society today ARE getting off too easy, that in their experience, men really DON'T work as hard as women do in improving relationships. (As if THAT is a big secret, just look at any magazine rack.)

The book follows the basic self-help formula, but with a twist. Most of the popular relationship theories bog down when they assume that your mate is willing to work with you 50-50 to improve your relationship. That assumption that has made John Gray (of Mars/Venus fame) a rich man and millions of women miserable, but I digress... Anyway, the authors assume you do indeed live with a person who would rather use John Gray's book for toilet paper rather than read it, so they proceed to tell what you need to do to make your life more bearable. Again, there's a twist, and their advice isn't for everyone. They tell you that jerks don't respond to an appeal for fairness or kindness (you've probably already figured that out), so you need to be willing to meet their manipulative behavior with your own manipulative behavior. At that point the book gives you some very concrete examples of what you need to do and say in order to get them to change their behavior. The book acknowledges that some women will not feel comfortable being manipulative, but their argument is you can either be 100% totally honest (which you already know gets you nowhere) or you can be miserable - or you can leave... My final take? If you're married to a jerk and value marriage more than your personal happiness, you can make things better, but only somewhat. If you're single and dating a jerk and wondering what to do? RUN LIKE HELL!

This book dares to be honest. It has a tounge-in cheek, yet frank "just the facts, ma'am" approach to an age-old problem. Written by men, it offers no excuses for "problem" men's behavior. I've read several books to learn how to deal with an abusive boss. When I read this one I said, "Ah-ha!" It makes the point that merely understanding the differences in men and women's behavior is not enough to affect positive change. Many books have been written describing the problem of abusive men, but this one gives examples of ways to extract one's self from the cycle of abuse, if one is unfortunate enough to have to live or work with this type of man. Some of the suggestions are outlandish, but they illustrate in an absolute way that to change the dynamic in a relationship you MUST change your approach to it. Sometimes one must fight fire with fire. It positively changed my relationship with my abusive boss.

All the other books I've seen out there discuss relationships and men as if they would actually be participating in the change/growth process and reading and listening to self-help advice right along side you. This book deals with the reality: that most men who need a lesson in sensitivity, caring, integrity, and commitment will not touch the kinds of books and advice that would require them to BECOME sensitive, caring, and commitment savvy etc. They point out what we already know, that books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and the like, are only bought by and large by women. Of course this means that none of the men you wished would change ever will, because they won't be buying these books or using their well-intentioned advice. This book, however, is different. While most of the other books as mentioned above require the men to participate, this one points out the very real fact that it only takes one person to put a twist in the relationship, and that person is you. This doesn't mean they're saying that you can change a person, rather that if YOU change, things around you change. For example, if you act a certain way every time he does something, (like cry for example or give an ultimatum or consistently ask him to change a behavior), he gets used to it and hence, acts in HIS same old way (like rebelling for the sake of rebelling or hanging up the phone when you cry etc. etc. or going out with his buddies even more because you say you don't like it). Therefore, if you change the way you behave 180%, he's shocked and caught off guard, he doesn't have any choice but to change his way of reacting. For example, if you want him to quit smoking, encouraging him and giving him articles to read only makes him smoke more sort of rebelliously. But if you suddenly 180% turn around and encourage him to smoke, buying him cigarettes and giving him ashtrays etc., he will be freaked out and won't have a reason to rebel anymore, he'll be forced to look at his own behavior and how he feels about it, rather than continue it just to displease you. What impressed me most was the totally workable, user friendly ideas in the book. It doesn't go on and on theorizing about relationships and feelings etc. etc., but actually blends the who and the why with the WHAT TO DO. I have used these steps with amazing success. All I can say is the techniques in this book are ones you've never heard of before. I laughed a ton when I read this book and you probably will too. I laughed even more when I watched the techniques working before my very eyes. It will increase your self-esteem without your even realizing it, a nice side effect. If you are frustrated, buy this book. It will open your eyes.

Let's face it...there are a lot of unkind people in the world - male and female. I happened to pick one for a partner, and was stuck living with him until I could afford to move away. I had to find a way to cope and survive with an angry, controlling man. This simple, practical book saved my life. It made a completely intolerable situation much more tolerable and peaceful. I kept the book well hidden and could reference it when I felt I needed support and strength. It does take a while to modify your behavior and get used to reacting differently to situations as suggested in the book. If you are not willing to learn to react differently to your partner, buying this book won't help you. If you are sick and tired of your situation and are willing to do something different - then this will help. There are excellent chapters to help you evaluate how bad your partner is, and if you should stay. One of the best chapters is about how to get out and leave - safely and sanely. The fact that it is authored by men makes the book's suggestions very effective regarding what will, and will not work with some men. It is simple enough for anyone to understand, yet touches on some important aspects of behavior modification and human nature that are intellectually stimulating as well. The book is written with a slight touch of humor that keeps it positive. The book also has chapters on how to recognize unkind men early on and avoid them. It gives you little "tests" to see if you have a jerk on your hands and to get away before it's too late. My situation has improved so much that there is now hope in a situation that was truly hopeless, and I do feel that this book has helped bring it about. The only way for women to survive if they choose to live life with "impossible" men is to be independent, have their own source of income, and to own this book.

I've read all the well known books on the subject of relationships between men and women. But this one I found to be the most down to earth and realistic in it's viewpoint of what women need if they are in need of such a book. Does not put down men in general. It does help us understand how we as a society raise our little boys to be jerks. How to spot a jerk before you get too involved with him, and what to do if you find yourself in a situation where you are involved with a jerk and need to consider your options. Of course there are differences between men and women, and both sexes are trying to bridge the gap. But there is a group of men who have no interest in changing or making their relationships better. It is for the women of these men who this book seems to be aimed at.

This book was right on and what i had been looking for to help me understand the men in my life whether the men i date or family memembers. My guy is a "Fence Sitter", i always new it wasn't me. He's exactly what it says in the book. Thanks to the authors i will use their book as a guide to men. I hope they write more books like this.

My hat is off to these two authors! They have provided women with the tools they need to either deal with the particular type they have married or avoid future failures. In my case I must say that the book has provided me with the tools to deal with a partner of 26 years who happens to match two of the personality types discribed in the book. I have never been so uplifted and inspired. Upon first glance I knew that I had found a jem of a self help book. It is extremely well written and sites examples that most all women can relate to. Not only does it provide honest discriptions of toxic men but allows the reader to view the man she may be involved with in a different light. I have personally used several of the techniques in the book and I would like to thank the authors for their help. I was virtually at my wits end with my "toxic" man. The book discribed excatly what I had been doing and why I was going about it the wrong way. It was as though they had witnessed my misery and torment for the last 26 years and provided me the methods for dealing with it. I now feel empowered and no longer afraid of my "toxic" male. I am prepared to deal with each situation as they arise. I am recommending this book to all of my friends with toxic relationships.

I always love hearing suggestions like the ones in this book. The assumption coming in is that the reader bought the book because they have tried everything but the other person is still a "jerk". Unfortunately, it ignores the fact that a relationship is a two way street. There are certainly a number of cases where one person is completely (or mostly) in the wrong. However, is it not much more likely that both sides are not working together, and that both sides are indeed to blame? A husband may be a jerk, or a wife, and both sides would simply blame the other. It seems rather biased to assume that just because things aren't going well in a relationship that the man must be wrong, and the perfect woman must now employ these techniques in order for him to see the folly of his ways. It is classic revisionism that when the man is a jerk its his fault...however, when the women angers the man she is simply reacting to his awful behavior. Wake up people! Its not the womens fault when the mans acting terribly, but women its not the mans fault if you're acting horribly as well. Take responsibility for yourself and learn how to examine things from the other persons shows. That, rather then passive aggressiveness or blatant manipulation, is the real path to a stronger relationship and a more caring bond.

The authors have written a great book for women who want to understand why men treat them badly and what to do about it. From the quick "Is he or isn't he" survey to the categories of men to avoid: Controllers; Liars and Cheaters; Immature; Emotionally Retarded and Mixed Breeds, the authors provide a humorous look at a very serious subject. The names and descriptions of the men we've all had to deal with at one time or another: The Ice Man or Don Juan are very entertaining. Best of all, though, the book provides practical advice: what to do when you see it coming and what to do when you are in the middle of it. The authors also provide guidelines for change that apply in these situations and in fact, in just about any change you want to make. A GREAT BOOK!

I got this book recently after my break up with my ex and my psychologist recomended it to me. It really describes every bad boy out there and WHY you were drawn to him and what possibility there is at fixing the situation. My ex didnt really fall under a specific catagory (he shared qualities of other catagories)... however the most he resembled was the Eternal Teenager.

Whats funny is that he used to be married and he has a child. He still wants a family and he wants marriage but he refused to act like a responsible adult. Now this he would argue because he thinks he's got it all under control. BUT saying you cant take your daughter to the dentist because of a lack of money, and then buying expensive marijuana... is not a good justification. But even if I let that slide there are a dozen more things he does that blatantly say, hes ONLY into what HE wants and how he wants it...

This book is good for "ah HA!" moments but it doesnt really support the emotional turmoil you may feel afterwards. Be prepared to tend to those emotions when the whole mess starts to unravel itself. People are very complex creatures and you wont find all the answers you need in this book, BUT its a good place to start.