Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant Who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain, ... Turn You into a Worthwhile Human Being [Paperback]

Alice Bradley (Author), Eden M. Kennedy (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 1, 2011

BABIES. Maybe you’re thinking of having one. There might even be one inside you right now, draining nutrients from your system via a tube growing from its midsection. Or maybe you’ve already got one around the house, somewhere, and you’re responsible for its continued survival. You’re saddled with a helpless being whom you’ve agreed to house and feed and love with all your heart for the rest of your life, more or less.

Either way, you’re confused, you’re frightened, and 911 won’t take your calls anymore. But don’t despair! Let’s Panic About Babies! is here to hold your hand and answer some important, age-old baby-related questions, including:

- How can I be sure I’m pregnant? (Torso swells gradually until baby falls into underpants.)

- Did I just pee myself? (Yes.)

- What happens if I have sex during my pregnancy? (Your baby will be born with a full, lush beard.)

- How can I tell if I’ve chosen the wrong pediatrician? (He/she can’t pronounce “stethoscope.”)

- How do I make sure my baby loves me back? (Voodoo.)

From the moment they’re created until the day they steal our cars, our babies demand center stage in our lives. So join Alice and Eden as they tell you (and your lucky partner!) exactly what to think and feel and do, from morning sickness to baby’s first steps. They know everything!

Editorial Reviews

Review

Advance praise for LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES!:

“LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is the hilarious antidote to all those serious, earnest books that make you feel like you’ll never master parenthood. Deeply irreverent, and surprisingly comforting, this book will resonate with any parent or parent-to-be.”
- Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of THE HAPPINESS PROJECT

“There are a lot of pregnancy books out there that purport to be "funny." This book is different in that it’s actually hilarious. LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES is the brilliant reply to every fear-inducing baby manual out there. You already screwed up royally by getting pregnant-- now do something smart and buy this book.”
- Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning screenwriter of Juno

“The next time I am invited to a baby shower, LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! is what I'm getting the mom-to-be. Then I'm going to sit in the corner and read it, and it will be the first time in history that someone has had a howling good time at a baby shower. I love this book unconditionally. Brilliant, funny, fabulous. Every pregnant human being should have a copy.”
- Mary Roach, New York Times bestselling author of STIFF, BONK, SPOOK, and PACKING FOR MARS

"Please read this book while wearing an adult diaper, because you will laugh very, very hard."
- Susan Orlean, New York Times bestselling author and staff writer for The New Yorker

"An outrageously humorous, over-the-top guide to surviving pregnancy and child-rearing.

What's the most important thing women need in order to prepare for a new baby? According to the debut book by mommy bloggers Bradley and Kennedy, it's not formula, blankets or even a car seat. Come prepared with a sense of humor. Through absurd anecdotes, lists, charts and pictures, the authors satirize typical pregnancy handbooks in a comically ironic and often bawdy manner. Despite the inclusion of much useful scientific data, readers will more likely be drawn to the insight the authors have gained on the front lines of parenthood. There's advice for readers looking to throw a baby shower that will make friends suffer as much as the expectant mother; a World War II theme should do the trick. Ever wonder how to choose a baby name that fosters a desired trait? Macarena is a great choice for future dancers. With uncensored humor and honesty, Bradley and Kennedy provide future moms with comforting tips on how to cope with the appalling terrors of pregnancy, including how to satisfy the urge to vomit in public, deal with annoying family members and strangers and avoid insanity during bed rest. The authors show how laughter can be the most effective remedy to assuage the panic that often accompanies pregnancy.

A refreshingly unorthodox approach to a subject typically portrayed in a sappy, sentimental fashion."
-- Kirkus

About the Author

Alice Bradley writes the award-winning blog Finslippy (www.finslippy.com). Her work has been featured in numerous anthologies, magazines and websites, including The Best Creative Nonfiction, Vol. 2, Redbook, Nerve, The Sun, The Onion News Network, and Fence. She was nominated in 2009 for a Pushcart Prize in nonfiction. Alice lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband, son, dog, and cat.  

Eden M. Kennedy is the author of the web site Fussy.org, which was celebrated as one of the top ten parenting blogs by the Wall Street Journal. She has been featured in The San Francisco Chronicle, The New York Times, and on the BBC, and her work has appeared in several anthologies. A former bookseller and magazine editor, she lives with her family in Southern California.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin (March 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 031264812X
• ISBN-13: 978-0312648121
• Product Dimensions: 8 x 0.7 x 8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (67 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #16,590 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #29 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Parodies
  • #47 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Motherhood
  • #60 in Books > Humor & Entertainment > Humor > Parenting & Families

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

53 of 57 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I LOL'd! A LOT! March 10, 2011

By Caissie L. Stonge

Format:Paperback

I am a mother of two growing young men, and that has caused me to be crotchety toward the things that young people do. One thing that I am especially given to crotchets about is the use of the acronym LOL. I don't hate laughing, mind, and I certainly don't expect anyone to laugh silently. Laughing out loud is great! I just don't love LOL.

And yet, I have found myself LOLing every time I open this book. And everyone in my family is LOLing every time they open this book, including my 11-year-old and 8-year-old sons. Everyone where I work LOL'd when they stole it off my desk to read when they were supposed to be working and you should ask before you put your dirty paws all over someone else's brand new book, Megan!* My point is that, despite how much I hate LOL, I wouldn't be able to describe how much laughing out loud this book has been providing everyone around me without using that very shorthand. So, there you go.

Here's why I love it. A hundred years ago when I first saw that little blue line on that urine-soaked stick (which I then jumped around, waving in the air. Gross!) I ran right out and bought a certain book about what a woman should expect when she is expecting a certain thing. The certain thing is a baby. Well, I sat right down and devoured that book, and when I was through...I was afraid to move. Or eat. Or think too much. When I finally got over the trauma, I told my husband that vaunted tome should really be called, "1,000 Things to Be Paranoid About Over the Next Nine Months. HA HA, You Should See How Crazy Your Eyes Look Right Now!" I picked it up with a pair of tongs and tossed it in a box never to be seen again. Clearly, these two women understand the way I felt back then. They get me. They get you too.... And this book is the answer to any pregnancy and parenthood guide out there that will try to convince you that you might have toxoplasmosis from a partial granule of cat litter that your husband tracked near you on the bottom of his shoe and which somehow got into your eye.

If you are looking to have a baby or you're looking to install a baby in someone, if you've recently had a baby or watched while the special lady in your life did all the work, this book is for you. I wish I'd had this before I got pregnant. I'm glad I have it now. And if you're currently pregnant, don't worry, this book will not cause you to laugh your fetus right out of you, because that's not scientifically possible. But you will probably tinkle your maternity pants. Which you're going to do anyway, so might as well have fun doing it!

*Her real name. And to be fair to Megan, she immediately ordered two copies of the book - one for herself and one for a shower gift - as soon as I pried her grubby mitts off of mine. Read more ›

26 of 27 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect gift for any new parent with a sense of humor. March 5, 2011

By Adam B

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

As a new father of a 2-month old, I can definitely say that having "Let's Panic About Babies" lying around the house this past week has brought unbelievable joy to both me and my wife. The book is shockingly funny -- goofy, silly, and just completely ridiculous. It's certainly engaging enough to sit down and plow through, but more often than not, I like to pick it up when I'm up in the middle of the night with our son & need a good and quick laugh.

Seriously, we've both had tears streaming down our faces, we were laughing so hard at some of the stuff in here.

This book is a fun read for everyone, new baby or no -- but it truly is a perfect gift to get someone for a shower, particularly if they're fans of, for example, laughing.

Just get it. It is great.

21 of 23 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Mommy Humor February 10, 2011

By S. WIlliams TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

I'm a fan of Alice Bradley's mommy blog, finslippy, and "Lets Panic About Babies," is comfortably within her wheelhouse of parenting stories told with great humor and occasionally touching emotional depth. I wasn't previously familiar with Bradley's co-author's work, but the two seem to work well together.

This is not a mothering guide, but a humor book--a SPOOF on parenting books if the baby's laser eyes didn't tip you off--with lots of mothering anecdotes, in essay chapter form, that just about anyone who has ever given birth, or is about to, can relate to. As mom to an "active" three-year-old, some of the stories had me laughing out loud and I was frequently shaking my head saying, 'Yep, I can relate to that.'

The authors' sense of humor trends towards the acerbic and sarcastic, which suit me fine, but may not be everyone's style.

47 of 60 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars This book cures leprosy March 1, 2011

By James Lawson

Format:Paperback

Yesterday I had an itchy spot on my leg and I'm pretty sure it was leprosy but then this book arrived and now the spot is totally less itchy. Conclusion: This book cures leprosy. Also, it's a very enjoyable book to read. Bonus.

12 of 15 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars hysterical February 26, 2011

By Sonja VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

I've been a long time reader of Alice Bradley's and Eden Kennedy's blogs. I had already looked at their "let's panic" website. I knew both of these women were very funny. I don't have "babies" anymore. My kids are four and five years old now, and we're not going to have anymore, so pregnancy is also behind me. But when this came up as a book to review in the Vine program, I snatched it up right away.

So look, if you want to treasure each moment of this amazing time in your life, whether you are pregnant or have a new baby, this isn't the book for you. If, on the other hand, you're looking bitterly at your swollen ankles and shaking your fist at the sky because you have to pee every five minutes - and you're willing to laugh at your predicament - this is the book for you. It's definitely been an enjoyable walk down memory lane for me.

One of my favorite chapters in the book is a chapter called, "This One's for Your Husband (and/or Partner, We're Not Judging)" in the "Birthing and Beyond" section. So baby's already out, and the husband/partner might be wondering "Why she's yelling at you." A helpful table proceeds. Here is but a sample.

What you said: "How come I don't have any clean socks?"
Quick, backpedal!: "...is what I keep asking myself, because after all maintaining my wardrobe is MY RESPONSIBILITY. God, I love you."
What you should have said: "Laundry time! Do you want me to hand-wash your intimates?"
Damage control strategy: Do the laundry and never say the word "socks" again in the house.

As others have mentioned, there is *absolutely no sentimentalizing* this experience. It doesn't end with a nice big hug of, "But now you have your precious bundle of joy, and it's all worth it...." In fact, the "Final Note" of the book tells you not to have a large family. They carry the book's attitude right to the bitter (and I mean bitterly hysterical) end.

I will definitely be gifting this to pregnant friends in the future. Read more ›