Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition [Paperback]

Karen Levin Coburn (Author), Madge Lawrence Treeger (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: July 1997

Thoroughly revised and updated, a popular guide for parents to dealing with their feelings during their children's time away at college advises them about when to encourage their children's independence and when to come to the rescue. Original."

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Letting Go is about what it feels like for parents when their kids go off to college. Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger provide a compassionate approach, practical information, and advice about the physical and emotional processes of letting go. They discuss the college-age child's search for identity, independence, and intimacy; give a succinct and accurate description of how college life has changed over the decades; and provide a year-by-year breakdown of what to expect. Plus, you can read about typical and not-so-typical problems including date rape, crime, eating disorders, drug and alcohol use, and sexual issues. Of special note is the focus on orientation and the freshman year, including the disorientation parents feel once the drop-off has been made.

Review

"A sensitive, informative, and well-written guide to help parents know what their children are getting into when they leave for college. Full of practical advice and psychological insight, it's a better antidote than Valium for the anxieties parents feel as they prepare to let their children go." -- -- Ben Leiber, Dean of Students, Amherst College

"As the father of two children who have left home to attend college and as president of an institution that receives, each year, hundreds of young women and men who are leaving home for the first time, I find Letting Go to be a must read for parents of college-going students." -- -- John Brooks Slaughter, President, Occidental College

"The original Letting Go has served as a seminal source of information to families and their college-bound children for many years. This updated edition adds contemporary elements (especially in technology and diversity of student population) which will make this volume invaluable for years to come." -- -- Larry Moneta, Associate Vice Provost for University Life, University of Pennsylvania

"The third edition of Letting Go is better than ever. It is must reading for parents embarking with their son or daughter on the college experience. Information is relevant, current, practical, and easy to understand. It introduces parents to college issues, challenges, and services available at colleges and universities in the 1990s." -- -- Dr. Patricia A. Whitely, Vice President for Student Affairs, University of Miami

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Product Details

• Paperback: 384 pages
• Publisher: Perennial; 3rd Rev&Up edition (July 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 006095244X
• ISBN-13: 978-0060952440
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.1 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,102,833 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

93 of 96 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Limited Practical Advice but Covers Many Phenomena, May 1, 2001

By 

Renee Thorpe (Karangasem, Bali) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition (Paperback)

Fast-moving book of advice for parents of college kids is written by a Dean and a psychotherapist, so be aware of the "leave it to the professionals" attitude and sense of fatalism (in guise of acceptance and tolerance) that sullies an otherwise very good guidebook.

A couple of chapters into it, I realized that this book might be a good one for parents of babies to read... no kidding. Because so many of the problems between college students and their parents could be easily handled or even avoided if parents always had a good solid communication line with their kids. From Day One! Simply, every parent lets go of their kid eventually, and it is sobering to consider that, 'round college time, you are either letting go of a friend or a stranger.

What makes this is an extremely useful guide is the authors' obvious close knowledge of and experience with almost every kind of pitfall a student can drop into. Parents are indeed given a thorough rundown of what they can expect to see happen. IN AMAZING DETAIL!

Students about to enter college are well-advised to read the chapter called "The Freshman Year." It is an excellent examination of what's very possibly in store, will prepare the student for some of the challenges faced by all Freshmen. The nervous 'newbie' may find some real solace in knowing that (s)he is not alone in her/his anxieties and uncertainties.

The authors' drugs warnings are a bit too complacent for my sense of health and self-discipline, meaning that there is an annoying hint of "well, that's what kids do in college." But I also took that as a helpful bit of data, because now I know that college administrators and professionals simply don't care if your kid is on drugs, until it escalates into an enormous problem. That in itself helps me as a parent, because I see the limitations of the average administration's care.

Another annoying facet to the book is a pervading sense that all professors are right, or at least unquestionable (authors definitely side with academic authority). Frankly, there are a large number of professors preaching utter garbage or who have no desire to really see their students actually learn something concrete. This possibility is never suggested, whereas I would firmly state that there are some students who are bright and capable who would never "make it" in a college environment. Dropping out is mentioned only once & only as a kind of last resort of degradation and shame. The possibility that a class or professor may be totally wrong for a student is glossed over.

I would suggest to editor/publisher that the index be improved and lengthened in any later edition.

So despite the flaws that linger like mist, I still recommend the book as a collection of scenarios and phenomena the parent would not necessarily have anticipated. Read the book, talk to your kids, let go gently.

Definitely prepares the parent for what college life can be all about, and offers some ideas for how friction and conflict can be avoided. Liberal use of student, teacher, dean, and parent statements (however edited they may be) ring true and make this a wonderful, and even, at times, a heartwarmingly humorous read.

36 of 38 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars you are not alone, November 25, 2001

By 

e-lectra "e-lectra" (West Linn, OR USA) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition (Paperback)

This book and When Your Kid Goes to College were worth many hours of therapy during the late summer and early fall of my son's first quarter at college, especially around the time we took him down to school. I preferred Letting Go because it was more comprehensive, but other parents might prefer When Your Kid...There is a wide array of situations to learn from and to place your own experience in context. The authors provide trend material from their long-term research to help parents distinguish their child's college context from their own. I observed other parents coping with this transition unaided. Some were fine but others were having trouble and personalized the experience. Facts do help mitigate emotions. I recommended this book to one overwhelmed mother whose prodigy had gone far away to pursue her talent. Her response was "Thank you, I'll let you know when I am ready for a book (ital.)" as if this would be cold comfort for her personal loss. But the fact is, the authors know way more than most of our friends and relatives do; and the number of parents going through this experience is very large (check the book for figures). There is a great deal to learn both from the academic analysis and from the many examples of parents' experiences. Well researched, well written, logical and helpful.

18 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Parenting's Graduate Thesis, November 16, 1997

By 

Super Sailor (NY) - See all my reviews

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This review is from: Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition (Paperback)

After years of reading "Your Two Year Old - Terrible yet Tender", all of a sudden you are the proud owner of an eighteen year old who is leaving home and leaving you behind. Quick -- where's the owner's manual? "Letting Go" will do for most bereaved ex-parents. If you are mourning the the "loss" of your child to their freshman college roommate, it's good to know that others are suffering a similar syndrome as they go though the first college year. As deans and college counselors, the writers have seen it all. They describe with uncany accuracy all the behaviors that accompany this very powerful event for both parent and child. So if it helps you to know many others have shared the same experience, Letting Go, will give you all the details.