Customer Reviews

Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years, Third Edition

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Fast-moving book of advice for parents of college kids is written by a Dean and a psychotherapist, so be aware of the "leave it to the professionals" attitude and sense of fatalism (in guise of acceptance and tolerance) that sullies an otherwise very good guidebook.

A couple of chapters into it, I realized that this book might be a good one for parents of babies to read... no kidding. Because so many of the problems between college students and their parents could be easily handled or even avoided if parents always had a good solid communication line with their kids. From Day One! Simply, every parent lets go of their kid eventually, and it is sobering to consider that, 'round college time, you are either letting go of a friend or a stranger.

What makes this is an extremely useful guide is the authors' obvious close knowledge of and experience with almost every kind of pitfall a student can drop into. Parents are indeed given a thorough rundown of what they can expect to see happen. IN AMAZING DETAIL!

Students about to enter college are well-advised to read the chapter called "The Freshman Year." It is an excellent examination of what's very possibly in store, will prepare the student for some of the challenges faced by all Freshmen. The nervous 'newbie' may find some real solace in knowing that (s)he is not alone in her/his anxieties and uncertainties.

The authors' drugs warnings are a bit too complacent for my sense of health and self-discipline, meaning that there is an annoying hint of "well, that's what kids do in college." But I also took that as a helpful bit of data, because now I know that college administrators and professionals simply don't care if your kid is on drugs, until it escalates into an enormous problem. That in itself helps me as a parent, because I see the limitations of the average administration's care.

Another annoying facet to the book is a pervading sense that all professors are right, or at least unquestionable (authors definitely side with academic authority). Frankly, there are a large number of professors preaching utter garbage or who have no desire to really see their students actually learn something concrete. This possibility is never suggested, whereas I would firmly state that there are some students who are bright and capable who would never "make it" in a college environment. Dropping out is mentioned only once & only as a kind of last resort of degradation and shame. The possibility that a class or professor may be totally wrong for a student is glossed over.

I would suggest to editor/publisher that the index be improved and lengthened in any later edition.

So despite the flaws that linger like mist, I still recommend the book as a collection of scenarios and phenomena the parent would not necessarily have anticipated. Read the book, talk to your kids, let go gently.

Definitely prepares the parent for what college life can be all about, and offers some ideas for how friction and conflict can be avoided. Liberal use of student, teacher, dean, and parent statements (however edited they may be) ring true and make this a wonderful, and even, at times, a heartwarmingly humorous read.

This book and When Your Kid Goes to College were worth many hours of therapy during the late summer and early fall of my son's first quarter at college, especially around the time we took him down to school. I preferred Letting Go because it was more comprehensive, but other parents might prefer When Your Kid...There is a wide array of situations to learn from and to place your own experience in context. The authors provide trend material from their long-term research to help parents distinguish their child's college context from their own. I observed other parents coping with this transition unaided. Some were fine but others were having trouble and personalized the experience. Facts do help mitigate emotions. I recommended this book to one overwhelmed mother whose prodigy had gone far away to pursue her talent. Her response was "Thank you, I'll let you know when I am ready for a book (ital.)" as if this would be cold comfort for her personal loss. But the fact is, the authors know way more than most of our friends and relatives do; and the number of parents going through this experience is very large (check the book for figures). There is a great deal to learn both from the academic analysis and from the many examples of parents' experiences. Well researched, well written, logical and helpful.

After years of reading "Your Two Year Old - Terrible yet Tender", all of a sudden you are the proud owner of an eighteen year old who is leaving home and leaving you behind. Quick -- where's the owner's manual? "Letting Go" will do for most bereaved ex-parents. If you are mourning the the "loss" of your child to their freshman college roommate, it's good to know that others are suffering a similar syndrome as they go though the first college year. As deans and college counselors, the writers have seen it all. They describe with uncany accuracy all the behaviors that accompany this very powerful event for both parent and child. So if it helps you to know many others have shared the same experience, Letting Go, will give you all the details.

This book is a triumph of the help yourself/help your child genre. Ms Coburn and Ms Treeger write entertainingly and with obvious understanding of the psyches of the college students and the psyches of those left behind: their parents. They emphasize insightful statements with insightful anecdotes. I liked this book so much that I recommended it to a parent of elementary-school-age children. Her response was "This book is important to ALL parents of ANY age child - because the issues of letting go are universal to parenthood and to all ages. I feel like it is helping me right now." Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by the approach of your child's college years - or whether you feel experienced at the college game, I would recommend this book for everything from the "Aha-I recognize THAT situation" syndrome to genuine helpfulness to sheer entertainment. LETTING GO will be helpful to parents, to high school college counselors, and to college faculty and support staff. It is written with a common sense approach and in a literate style. It is a gem of a book.

I received this book as a gift when my son was a junior in high school. He is now graduated from college and my daughter is a college sophmore. This book is the BEST parenting book I have ever read during all my years as a parent. Both my kids are very different yet this book touched on each of their challenges with practical and thoughtful advice as to how to address the different phases that each child went through. Many times, I followed their guidance, sometimes not sure if it would work, and was always pleased when it did! I give this gift to all my friends who are at this stage and always get an enthusiastic response after they have read it. It was truly my guidebook for these years and is dogeared from use! I highly recommend this book!

I am a Unviersity instructor and a parent. I suggest this book to all parents who want to understand what their child is going through while at college. A perfect accompaniment to Letting Go is Major in Success by Patrick Combs. It changes lives!

As a college placement counselor in a highly-competitive preparatory school for many years, I have found this book to be most valuable in preparing parents for dealing with the angst of a young adult who is going away to college. It also tells you what to expect during their first years away. Buy it early in a student's senior year for the greatest benefit. This is a classic and a jewel!

As a Career Coach and parent of two college students, I have used this book as a personal and professional resource. Too often parents can get swept up in the busy high school years of their teen's junior and senior years. Along with parenting other children, working their own jobs, managing the home, etc. the stress of supporting their son or daughter for college or post high school education can be overwheliming, espcially for the student who is reluctant to commit to the research or is apathetic about the process of preparing for college selection. LETTING GO is a helpful resource for hanging in there, getting grounded in your role as parent, and helping you prepare for the changing family dynamics. Sending a student to college brings up the big question, what's next, not only for the student but the parent. This book can support both of you as you wrestle with the issues of independence, decision making, and planning a successful future. Barbara Wulf, (...)

I picked up this book 10 days after dropping my only child, only 16 years old, off at college. I read it cover to cover in two days, and honestly, it was a life-changing experience.

I had thought I was prepared for this transition, but I found myself worrying so much I couldn't sleep at night. My day was either great or horrible depending on whether my college student called or not. I knew I needed some guidance, and this book was right on target.

Much like the best child-rearing books dealing with younger children, it points out the normal developmental challenges faced at each stage, from the start of the college selection process through college graduation. The book gives examples of ways that different students may face these challenges, and how parents can help or hurt along the way.

I found it especially helpful in reshaping how I communicate with my child. There are suggestions for how to get your child to open up and talk about whatever is on his or her mind. I tried some of them, and they REALLY WORKED! There are also examples of things parents might say or do that can completely shut down their student's willingness to share.

I also found the book helpful in coming to terms with the fact that I am no longer in control of my student's choices. Before I read the book, I found that idea quite scary, but afterwards I was able to realize how to make suggestions without being bossy or undermining her developing sense of control, competence, and independence. There is also a lot of good advice about the importance of supporting and affirming your student's decisions.

I recommend this book to any parent who wants to rethink their relationship with their child as they move on to the college stage of life. The best time to buy it would be when you are beginning the college search process in the junior or senior year of high school. But it helped me tremendously even though I didn't read it until she had already left and I was wallowing in the dreaded "empty nest syndrome".

I highly recommend this book to anyone sending their kid off to college. It's very helpful to understand the ups and downs that will come, so that when you get those calls you can know what's normal and what's not, when to get involved and when to promote independence(or just lend an ear). The book is well organized and easy to read. I found myself going to specific areas for some great advice and then reading it almost cover to cover.