The Lexicon of Stupidity [Paperback]

Ross Petras (Author), Kathryn Petras (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 23, 2005

Look up Religion, and discover this from Paris Hilton: [The Kaballah] helps you confront your fears. Like, if a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her.

Or Anatomy, and find sportscaster Jerry Coleman: Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to second base!

Or Truth in Government—here’s Senator Alan Simpson: There are a lot of things that we do that are irrelevant, but that’s what the Senate is for.

Arranged alphabetically, from Accident, Traffic to Zoology, Game Show Contestants’ Knowledge of (and you wouldn’t believe how distorted that knowledge sometimes is), The Lexicon of Stupidity is an overstuffed dictionary of quotes, banalities, actual book titles, holdup notes, menu items, TV listings, and more, each meeting one exacting criterion: they’re so jaw-droppingly dumb you can’t help but laugh. It’s the wit of the witless. The comedy of the clueless. The giggly fun of celebrities, athletes, politicians, newscasters, and other pompous types planting a foot (or two) firmly in mouth. And no authors could be more qualified to pull it together than Ross and Kathryn Petras, whose calendar celebrating stupidity—The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said—is a perennial knock-out, with millions of copies sold since its debut in 1995.

It even includes real courtroom testimony:

Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.

Product Details

• Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: Workman Publishing Company (May 23, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0761137912
• ISBN-13: 978-0761137917
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 4.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (10 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #805,452 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Jay Leno's "Headlines" Meets "News of the Weird", June 29, 2005

By 

Kay G. Johnson - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Lexicon of Stupidity (Paperback)

Absolutely hilarious. I'm still chuckling about the muskrat that was taken to the Humane Society to be "euphemized." The quotes generally come from reputable newspapers and other sources. It would have been helpful if citation dates were included to look up the quote within its original context, though I expect most people aren't interested in researching the original citation. I have heard some of the quotes before and wonder if all of the quotes are true or original.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars They're stupid and they walk among us, and you can read all about it right here!, July 7, 2008

By 

J. Arena (Williamsburg, VA) - See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: The Lexicon of Stupidity (Paperback)

348 Pages of the "stupidest things ever written, printed, or inscribed" presents any reader ready for factual proof that everyone else is stupider than they are -- and ready to go on record to prove it all for posterity -- can find that proof right here. However, the people in Ross and Kathryn Petras' books are the alleged "best and brightest" of society including celebrities, authors, athletes, politicians, leaders of major corporations, and others of note. With no-holds-barred, The Lexicon of Stupidity will expose them all, much to the readers' delight!

Readers will feel so much more sure of their own intelligence when they read of the Metallica guitarist who states that his "guitars are his unbilical cord ... directly wired into his head." Then there's American Airlines who thoughtfully (and stupidly) thought to tag these directions on a package of nuts: "Instructions -- Open packet, eat nuts."

Of course, you must make your own decision about buying this book. The best advice I can give you is to consider this quote from a Canadian newscaster: "As Francis Bacon said, some books are to be ... What the hell did he say?"

I say don't miss this book!

3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Kentucky Fried Chicken...Try Our New Zesty Owl!, October 10, 2011

By 

Robert I. Hedges - See all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 500 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Lexicon of Stupidity (Paperback)

"The Lexicon of Stupidity" catalogues a bizarre assortment of humorous quotations into a bewildering array of categories, some of which are so specialized you will be shocked that more than one appropriate quotation even exists (e.g. "Shakespeare, Enduring Impact of.") The 348 page book is a quick read, but wholly enjoyable. I rarely laugh aloud when reading, but some of these quotes are so otherworldly I couldn't help myself.

While there is no reasonable way to cover all the ground the authors, Ross and Kathryn Petras, traverse, I can't help mentioning some of my subjective favorites. These will give you a flavor for the material, but they are like the tip of an iceberg.

Some outstanding excerpts from resumes:

"Graduated in the top 66% of my class."
"Extensive experience in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
"Previous Experience: Self-employed - A fiasco."

These go hand in hand with questions asked by people being interviewed for employment:

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"
"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"
"The job description mentions weekend work. Are you serious?"

Bad film scripts get a nod (from "Sheena" starring Tanya Roberts):

"You will be welcome in Zukuru! The head man's locust bean cakes- they'll be your locust bean cakes! His fermented buffalo milk will be your fermented buffalo milk."

Some examples are just too strange to classify:

"Information wanted as to the whereabouts of Mrs. J. O. Plonk (Blonk) wife of J. O. Plonk (Clonk.)"

Of course the government, particularly the IRS, is deservedly singled out for scorn in these helpful regulatory citations:

"Illegal income, such as stolen or embezzled money, must be included in your gross income."
"Passive activity income does not include the following: income for an activity that is not a passive activity."

There are many DVD and video titles that I am now very interested to see, including "How to Preserve Common Seaweeds," "Checking For Head Warpage," and the stirring "How Pins Float on Water." Hong Kong also offers a new Kung Fu movie "No! I Saw a Vomiting Crab." (I can't wait for that one.)

Fortunately I'm a big reader, so I will be checking out a lot of books I found here, including "The Inheritance of Hairy Ear Rims," "A Pictorial Book of Tongue Coatings," "A Toddler's Guide to the Rubber Industry," and of course "The Art of Faking Exhibition Poultry."

Finally, the book takes an upbeat tone discussing wedding announcements. While several interesting announcements are featured, one from the Manchester (England) 'Evening News' was almost poetically lyrical: "The bride wore a gown of Heavy Oldham Corporation Gasworks." Now that's the start of a great marriage!

There are so many other great quotes in this book, that a brief review can't do them justice. Do yourself a favor and pick up the book, the laughs will quickly follow.