When someone dies, those left behind are expected to grieve. But, as taboo as it is to admit, not every death brings great sadness. Labeled "nontraditional grief response" by therapists and counselors, a positive reaction following a death is becoming more common, especially now that drugs and medical treatments keep people alive much longer than they or their families might wish. Sometimes we are relieved that our loved one is no longer suffering; at the other end of the spectrum, a death might finally free us of an abusive or unhappy relationship. In either case, the cultural expectation for sadness, loneliness, and despair only adds to the guilt and conflict felt by many "relieved grievers."Authors Jennifer Elison and Chris McGonigle have lived through their own "liberating losses." Illuminating for the first time a reaction that many deem insensitive, inappropriate, or strange, Ellison and McGonigle share their own and others' stories, thoughtful clinical analysis, and pragmatic counsel. Wise, compassionate, and groundbreaking, Liberating Losses expands the traditional definition of grief and, in so doing, generously validates the feelings that so many feel obliged to hide.
Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"Describe[s] anticipatory grief and share[s] the conflicting emotions people experience during extended illness and after a loved one dies." -- South Bend Tribune 02/24/04
"Like an affirming embrace." -- Counseling Today
"The book has tremendous value...offering insights and hope." -- Death Studies July 2004
"Like an affirming embrace." -- Counseling Today
"The book has tremendous value...offering insights and hope." -- Death Studies July 2004
About the Author
Jennifer Elison, Ed.D., has been a grief and transition counselor in private practice since 1990. She lives in Montana. Chris McGonigle, Ph.D., is the author of Surviving Your Spouse's Chronic Illness and has been a Widowed Persons Service volunteer for many years. She lives in Montana.
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Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I found this book to be extraordinary in its insights, generous in the honesty of its authors and unique in the permission it offers so many troubled grievers to feel what others may regard as "unacceptable" feelings. Because I often work with people grieving the loss of their pets, I am particularly interested in and sensitive to the needs of "disenfranchised" grievers. In my work as a hospice bereavement counselor, I've certainly encountered a number of widows and widowers who were consumed with guilt because they felt so liberated and free instead of sorrowful and lonely (as their families and friends expected them to feel) when their spouses died. I think the impact of this book will be enormous, and I am grateful to both these authors for having the courage, the discipline and the collaborative effort it must have taken to write it. (As one who's authored some books and articles of my own, I know how challenging it can be to collaborate with another writer!) Thank you, thank you, thank you for producing such an important work!
I am more than pleased to recommend this book to my clients as well as my bereavement colleagues, and I have already taken the liberty of listing it on the Links page of my own Grief Healing Web site, at http://griefhealing.com/HumanLossLinks.htm -- under the (newly created, thanks to this pioneering work!) category of DEATH THAT BRINGS RELIEF.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
Not many books exist to help people suffering from nontraditional grief responses, so I was really happy to find this. The subjects covered in the book include the loss of someone with whom you had a difficult or abusive relationships, the relief felt by primary caregivers when the person they were caring for dies, and how to resolve issues you may have had with a dead person.
The book deals a lot more with the relief often felt after a long illness than other topics, and it seems to focus on husband-wife dynamics more than anything else. I wish they had explored some other types of relationships, like parent-child, more, and I recommend another book in addition for children grieving a difficult parent, but the book was very helpful.
The book deals a lot more with the relief often felt after a long illness than other topics, and it seems to focus on husband-wife dynamics more than anything else. I wish they had explored some other types of relationships, like parent-child, more, and I recommend another book in addition for children grieving a difficult parent, but the book was very helpful.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
This book was very interesting and held some useful information. However, a large amount of the lessons and information pertained to the authors' personal stories and the issues dealing with marital partners, former and present. I would have liked to had a little more information on dealing with the losses of parents, siblings, friends, etc., with whom people have a bad relationship and how the survivors deal with those losses. But I do recommend the book if for no other reason than it says out loud what many people are afraid to say - that often times death is a relief to those left behind.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
"Go ahead.....smile.....it's over"
A refreshing book that illuminates the concept that not all people experience grief at the death of family members. Read more
Published on May 1, 2007 by E. A. Davis
Valuable resource
I found this book to be both interesting and helpful. The authors are generous in describing their own experiences with loss, and they provide a framework for all of us who have... Read more
Published on July 27, 2003
A Great Book on an Unusual Subject
We highly recommend this book for people who have had mixed emotions when someone has died. The authors cover a wide range of situations and the book is very interestingly... Read more
Published on June 27, 2003
Inside This Book
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First Sentence:
May is a beautiful month in Richmond, Virginia. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
personal interview with the authors Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Dick Appling, Lenore Lansing, Ken Nichols, Nicole Richardson, Evelyn Washburn, Gloria Reed, Marla Mabry, New York, Adele Bachmann, Beth Durkee, Celia Schroeder, Heather Harris, Therese Rando, Donna Bueti, Edna Matthews, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Fletcher Newby, Joan Nye, Native American, Stephanie Kellogg, World War New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
May is a beautiful month in Richmond, Virginia. Read the first page Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
personal interview with the authors Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Dick Appling, Lenore Lansing, Ken Nichols, Nicole Richardson, Evelyn Washburn, Gloria Reed, Marla Mabry, New York, Adele Bachmann, Beth Durkee, Celia Schroeder, Heather Harris, Therese Rando, Donna Bueti, Edna Matthews, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Fletcher Newby, Joan Nye, Native American, Stephanie Kellogg, World War New!
Concordance | Text Stats Browse Sample Pages:
Front Cover | Table of Contents | First Pages | Index | Back Cover | Surprise Me!
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 13
books:
See all 13 books this book cites
4
books
cite this book:
- Treatment of Complicated Mourning by Therese A. Rando on page 19, Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
- The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon on page 53, and Back Matter
- Language of the Heart: Rituals, Stories, and Information about Death by Carolyn Pogue on page 175, and Back Matter
- Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes on page 153, and Back Matter
- The Noonday Demon: An Anatomy of Depression by Andrew Solomon on page 53, and Back Matter
See all 13 books this book cites
- Grievers Ask: Answers to Questions about Death and Loss by Harold Ivan Smith in Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
- This Thing Called Grief: New Understandings of Loss by Thomas M. Ellis in Back Matter
- The Last Adventure of Life: Sacred Resources for Transition by Maria Dancing Heart in Back Matter
- Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life by Megory Anderson in Back Matter
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