Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages [Abridged, Audiobook] [Audio CD]

Robin L. Smith (Author), Author (Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 10, 2006

With a firm grounding in psychology, and an expert speaker and counselor, Dr. Robin, as she is widely known, advises couples on how to best take the vows made in earnest and in innocence to a level where they can be used to build a happy, healthy, satisfying and long-lasting marriage. An example of her approach can be seen in the classic vow to unite in marriage forsaking all others. One partner may read this as a promise not to be adulterous, but another may see it as a promise to be solely and completely devoted to the partner, allowing little room for other existing friendships or bonds with family members. Clear communication about the expectations and realities of each individual and of married life together is the key to a successful marriage. Dr. Robin leads listeners through the process step by step. Her method is appropriate for those approaching their wedding day, or those celebrating an anniversary.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Gentle voice notwithstanding, psychologist (and national television personality) Smith pulls no punches and minces no words in her heartfelt caution against the danger in believing "that you don't need what you do need." Truth is the theme here, and Smith guides listeners in how to recognize it, speak it and make it a part of the marriage. Although targeted to women who suppress themselves in order to be in a relationship, men are not left out. Smith's candid examples from her own failed marriage and those of the troubled couples she counsels ably illustrate her points. The first CD lists the top 10 lies about relationships (including "You can learn to live with the things that make you unhappy") together with their corresponding truths ("Suffering is not love"). The second CD explains how couples can make each marriage vow real. The third CD's bonus material is equally valuable: a set of 275 questions (viewable in Adobe reader) to ask before you marry. Smith succeeds admirably in taking the microscope to the myriad actions and words couples automatically do and say, and explaining how questioning them can lead to a more authentic marriage.
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Review

"I highly recommend this book to all couples." -- Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want

"Smith succeeds admirably in taking the microscope to the myriad actions and words couples automatically do and say . . ." -- Publishers Weekly [starred review] --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Product Details

• Audio CD
• Publisher: Hyperion; Abridged edition (May 10, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1401384153
• ISBN-13: 978-1401384159
• Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 3.2 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (106 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,408,085 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

238 of 253 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Geared to anyone who is looking for a committed, long-term relationship, May 11, 2006

By 

K. Corn "reviewer" (midwest, United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (TOP 100 REVIEWER)   

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This review is from: Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages (Hardcover)

The questions in this book are worth the price of the book. Start with those if you want...but I'd advise reading the entire book, from start to finish.

WHO should read this book? In a nutshell, anyone who is yearning for a serious, committed relationship that has a chance of lasting for years. This book will help those people tip the odds in their favor and to do some soul searching before committing to anyone.

As the author notes, GETTING married shouldn't be the goal-instead, making the marriage LAST should. For the one person here who criticized the author because she had a failed marriage, I'd counter by saying, "You don't learn if you don't make mistakes". Some of the best books were written by those who failed first (or thought they did)...and then became determined to figure out WHY. Clearly, this author has thought long and hard about marriage and relationships and it shows.

There is a lot of wisdom in this book but it will only work for those who are truly honest in their responses to the various questions and issues raised. The author also points out some of the ways we are conditioned to think unrealistically about relationships and then addresses ways to avoid that problem, pushing readers to look past their automatic responses and to think about the relationship's future.

I really liked this one!

47 of 47 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Surprised by some negative reviews!, June 14, 2007

By 

Passionate Reader (Norfolk, VA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages (Paperback)

Let me start by saying that considering I am an avid reader, this is the first time I've felt compelled to write a review for a book. Also, I'm probably one of few women who isn't an Oprah "fan". I have nothing against her but I have simply not been motivated enough to be a regular viewer of her show. A big motivation for me to write this review has been from the negative ones I have read.



I personally found this to be a very good book about relationships and facing the truth about what marriage is truly about. As a some times head strong woman (which may be putting it mildly), this book actually made me step back and examine the ways I may have sabotoge my relationships in the past. It helped me to think of ways I can improve myself to thus be a better person for my next serious relationship. Therefore, I don't understand the negative reviews about how this was a male bashing book or that it was biased toward women. In fact, this is one of the things I liked most about the book because of its ability to force me to look at myself (which is what a few of my friends enjoyed about the book, also).



Though I am divorced, I still found this to be very helpful and thus don't understand those who bashed Dr. Robin for not being suited to write on the topic. Those comments are equivalent to someone telling me to never get married again because I failed at it the first time. I mean really do people not have the opportunity to learn and grow from their mistakes? The only thing she has done is applied both her experience and profession to help others, which I thank her for.



I disagree with the person who said this book is advocating people to jump ship in bad marriages. I believe if a couple is open minded enough to both acknowledge and learn from the lies they've told themselves prior to entering into their marriage that they can learn how to improve it. However, it is definitely something each person must first admit and improve within themselves first. For that reason I do agree with a few reviews that suggest this book is probably better suited for people prior to entering marriage. This is the reason I gave it only 4 stars - since it seems a bit harder to apply after you've entered marriage (which is probably when you need help most) as oppose to before. I am however going to suggest my potential marriage partner and I read this together, so we can avoid possible mistakes ahead of time to give us a better chance of having a great marriage.



Last, I was HIGHLY disturbed by a reviewer who said she did not see emotional abuse as a reason to end a marriage. I have very strong views about the sanctity of marriage myself and mourned not just the end of my relationship but also the end of the marriage itself. I say this to say until anyone has actually experienced emotional abuse, they simply CANNOT speak to say a person should have to endure a life under these circumstances. Emotional abuse is very real and sometimes just as destructive, if not more, as physical abuse. I speak from experience.



There, I know I've said a mouth full however, I would have been remised if I didn't take the time to at least speak to some of the negative reviews to give a person considering reading this book an opinion from both ends of the spectrum. It's a worthy read - if you're willing to look at yourself and apply it to improve the person you are in order to be a better mate to someone else.

42 of 44 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Painfully Insightful, May 11, 2006

By 

Grace - See all my reviews

This review is from: Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages (Hardcover)

It takes a brave woman to reveal the mistakes in her marriage to help others improve their own, yet that's exactly what Dr. Smith has done in this amazing book. She poses hundreds of questions that few people have the courage to examine, much less discuss with their partners. But doing so is the only way to create the type of fulfilling marriage that's truly worth having.

I applaud Dr. Smith for writing this book. In a world with few relationship models, she has offered a painfully insightful place to begin.