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Lies, Damned Lies, and Testimony: Tell It to the Magistrate! [Paperback]

John Jasper (Author)
5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)

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Book Description

July 1, 1999
Help Wanted: MAGISTRATE

Shift work; evening, weekend, and holiday hours required. Serves as judicial officer at various police stations. Apply Room 102, Adult Detention Center.

That's an ad you don't see in the help wanted columns every day. But there it was, alphabetically between laborers and maids. A very curious ad indeed.

John Jasper mulled it over for a while and reread the ad a few more times. He was intrigued, but he was also a little suspicious. In the back of his mind was the thought that there was a scam occurring in room 102. Then again, it was the Adult Detention Center, so it had to be legitimate, didn't it? There was only one sure way to find out. So off he went, seeking room 102.

Such moments change people's lives, and John Jasper's life was forever changed when he became a magistrate of the Commonwealth of Virginia. He was taught the job the same way he had learned to swim in summer camp -- they threw him off the dock into deep water. But this time, in addition to deep, it was also strange and mysterious water.

Along the way, he was told that everybody lies, and everybody knows it.

The magistrate's job, he discovered, is to figure out what happened, not who's telling the truth. Since everybody's lying, nobody's telling the truth, so determining what actually happened is what's important.

Join John Jasper in a sometimes exasperating but unfailingly hilarious romp through Virginia's criminal justice system. You'll discover the funniest (and sometimes saddest) "out takes" the magistrate's office has to offer.

Here's a sampling of chapter titles: "He's Deaf, I'm Chinese", "'Y' is for Asian", "Combat Boots and a Mini-skirt", "A Jerk, a Parakeet, and an Iranian", "A Rocket Scientist", "'Z' is for Allute", "DWI -- Too Drunk to Walk", and our personal favorite, "The Finger."


Editorial Reviews

About the Author

After graduating from college with a degree in business and history, John Jasper served a two-and-a-half-year hitch in the Army before moving on to an unusual assortment of jobs around the country for the next three years. Guarding a candy factory, manning a first aid station at a steel mill, and making skis in Colorado preceded his return home to Virginia to begin a career in business management.

After a successful but uneventful decade in the business world, he was appointed a magistrate in 1985. Fourteen years and thousands of cases later, he still finds that the next case is never predictable. He lives with his wife Christine and their beagle Willie in an old farmhouse, beside a stream, at the end of a dirt road.


Product Details

  • Paperback: 264 pages
  • Publisher: Rainbow Books (July 1, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 156825069X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1568250694
  • Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.5 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.9 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,562,386 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

 

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Average Customer Review
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A mix of "COPS" and "Night Court.", August 5, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Lies, Damned Lies, and Testimony: Tell It to the Magistrate! (Paperback)
A collection of anecdotes, told by a real magistrate in Virginia which is at times poignant, funny, and distressing. Oh, the trouble some people have just getting on in life! The author describes what he deals with day in and day out, sharing his values and conclusions. I highly recommend this book to anyone, as it is both entertaining and educational. Would be excellent gift for high school or college students thinking about careers in social services or law.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Witty and humorous, yet painfully real. Great reading., July 17, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Lies, Damned Lies, and Testimony: Tell It to the Magistrate! (Paperback)
The author's self-effacing style brought a reality to the situations that made me feel like I was there experiencing the insanity, fumbling along with him in search of a valid assessment of impassioned criminal complaints. The quick pace, wit and humor kept my interest such that I didn't put it down until I was done. The book gives a base working level picture of the front end of the criminal justice system in the Commonwealth of Virginia from the perspective of an individual (The Magistrate) who is interviewing cops as well as suspects and witnesses hot from the "scene of the crime" before they have had time to reflect on and organize their stories for their own benefit. It is a great study on the devious side of human nature as it applies to suspects, witnesses and victims weaving a tangled web to try to save their hides or punish their enemies. It is a window inside a government bureaucracy as viewed candidly by a bureaucrat that is still clinging to a conscience and a heart. This book is stimulating, amusing, emotional yet easy reading. I can see it as a best seller when it is discovered.
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5.0 out of 5 stars G R E A T R E A D ! ! !, July 1, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: Lies, Damned Lies, and Testimony: Tell It to the Magistrate! (Paperback)
I've already ordered them as Christmas gifts. Certainly one of the most interesting, and well written, paperbacks this year. Sure to be a best seller.
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
That's an ad you don't see in the help wanted columns every day. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
important drunk, first drunk
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Uncle Billy, New York, South Carolina, Miss Lancaster, John Doe, Officer Marvin, Merry Christmas, Miss Jackson, Officer Drew, Adult Detention Center, Billy Bob, Feliz Navidad, John Refnagle, Prince Georges County, Robert Smith
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