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17 of 20 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
To Find Her Own Voice, August 9, 2009
This review is from: Lies My Mother Never Told Me: A Memoir (Hardcover)
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"Perhaps for me, Heaven is a well-lit, shining room with a long, beautiful table piled high with delicacies." Kaylie Jones is talking about her literary heroes, Tolstoy, Nabokov, Stendhal and her father, James Jones, sitting, eating, drinking and all they discuss is books. Kaylie approaches the table, her father stands and introduces her to the group and welcomes her to the table. This is a writer's dream and Kaylie Jones belongs here. Her memoir, 'Lies My Mother Never Told Me' has the ring of a winner. It is one of those books you can't put down, the writing and the story are so compelling that I want to ask, "Kaylie, how are you and your family and your sweet daughter, Eyrna?" She has opened her wounds so wide that the honesty that emanates from the deep inside must be a healing force.
Kaylie Jones,what a lucky little girl, daughter of the famous author, James Jones and his glorious and lovely wife, Gloria. They lead a life of the rich and famous. Of course, from the outside that is exactly what you see, but when you look more closely, you discover the warts and the drinking and the emotional abuse of many years, the life of a daughter of an alcoholic. Kaylie lived her formative years in the light of the father's eyes. There were constant parties and traveling and drinking, but her father kept most of it in check. Sure, her mother would forget to pick her up from school until it was dark, but excuses were made and her father filled in the missing pieces for Kaylie and her brother, Jamie. But, then her father died, and her life as she knew it fell apart. She went to college and started writing. She had one or two jobs but her mother kept the money coming so that she could buy the booze and the drugs that she needed to keep her life together. She had several relationships and a marriage but they fell apart. Eventually, Kaylie realized one day that she was ready to stop drinking, and her real life started.
Kaylie found the love of her life, married and had a child, Eyrna. She was writing and one of her books, 'A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries' was made into a film with Kris Kristofferson. She helped to run The James Jones Literary Society. A wonderful life, but, of course, there was her mother, Gloria. The same woman who was the love of James Jones's life, and the society woman who loved to party, was an alcoholic who made Kaylie's life miserable. The words that she said to Kaylie to describe her were so terrible and insensitive that it has taken Kaylie a lifetime to learn how to deflect them and let them roll off her back. It was not easy and took much work, but with the help of her husband, her friends who were recovering alcoholics and her lovely daughter, Kaylie persevered. This is not an easy read, the words and experiences were so grating that we could feel the pain, time and time again. Somehow Kaylie found the strength and the Black Belt she and her daughter won in Tae Kwon Do after much hard work,helped to give her the resolve that she needed to keep going. A story of a struggle to overcome the family history of alcoholism and abuse and to find her own place.
I loved this book. I rarely say that about any book I have read. The writing is so exquisite that I could feel the pain and the emotion of the moment. We all know people who have problems with alcohol, and the truth of their pain and the path they are on sometimes fills us with despair. But, we learn that millions of people can overcome this addiction and the truth of Kaylie Jone's words give us strength.
Highly Recommended. prisrob 08-09-09
Speak Now
A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries
From Here to Eternity
The Thin Red Line
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Self-help Memoir, September 15, 2009
This review is from: Lies My Mother Never Told Me: A Memoir (Hardcover)
From the opening word of her memoir, Lies My Mother Never Told Me, to the final punctuation, Kaylie Jones puts her life in full view for all the world to read knowing full well her self-esteem, dignity, and emotional health will cannon fodder and become casualties of war. A war fought on the home front that ambushes, out flanks, and attacks her head on. The enemy is alcoholism and Gloria Jones, Kaylie's mother, is the face of that adversary. Being the daughter of a WWII veteran, Kaylie soldiers on to resurrect her life from the ashes of the battlefield.
Although Gloria Jones may be seen as an evil character from a Disney movie, Kaylie portrays her realistically, yet tactfully does not post blame. Gloria, despite her horrible comments to Kaylie throughout her life is seen for her physical beauty, grace, sense of humor, and addiction that consumes the real Gloria and those around her. The brutal honesty in which Kaylie writes is an attribute to her as a writer, person, and healer. How does a child hearing numerous times, "If I had to pick between having your father of having you, I would pick your father" and not be cut to the core? This sets the pattern of verbal abuse Kaylie endures at the hands of her mother's addiction. It would be easy for Kaylie to blame her mother, but she doesn't. Kaylie does what all children of alcoholics or children whose parents are divorcing do. She blames herself and suppresses the hurt and anger in order to keep the peace. Having had years of experience, therapy, a supporting husband, and a tough, strong-willed, and insightful daughter, Kaylie is able to filter through the rubble and never place blame, but enlighten us to the true evil mustache-twisting antagonist, alcohol.
Kaylie, herself, turned to the bottle as a way to cope with life. Her entire life she was groomed that alcohol is not evil, but the people who could not handle it are. Alcoholics are degenerates who are homeless and whose lives are in shambles. After all, her father wrote several novels while drinking heavily. That was "proof" he wasn't an alcoholic. Her mother functioned normally, had a wonderful husband and social life, and she drank heavily. Wasn't that "proof" she wasn't an alcoholic? They were alcoholics and Kaylie became one herself, but realized that despite her family's definition of an alcoholic, she faced the sobering truth and admitted it.
Despite all the horrible things Kaylie experienced at the hands of alcohol, including the loss of her father as a teenager, she propels herself upward after hitting rock bottom. What Kaylie experienced was the control that "demon-alcohol" has on a person. As she starts her path to sobriety, Kaylie is met head-on and is refuted by her mother. Kaylie breaks away, not from her mother, but the stranglehold alcohol has on her life. Just as she described, alcoholics circle the wagons to defend their need to maintain their lifestyle. That lifestyle often flourishes because the alcoholic surrounds themselves with other alcoholics or enablers. Kaylie, with her resurrected self-esteem, need for normalcy, and sheer desire to be well, breaks free again. She does so not only for herself, but for the survival of her family.
Lies My Mother Never Told Me is a self-help book brilliantly disguised as a memoir. Whether you are an adult child of alcoholic parents (ACOA), or someone who grew up with other issues, Lies My Mother Never Told Me will contain something for anyone searching for a road map to find solace in their life. Kaylie proves no matter what demons you face, there are always options to free yourself and get your life back on track.
Kaylie has changed her life round and now assists others to better their lives as a teacher, writer, and friend. She is a dedicated teacher who goes to any lengths in helping her students achieve their goals. With the publishing of Lies My Mother Never Told Me, Kaylie is able to extend her assistance beyond the classroom, right into the reader's home. Lies My Mother Never Told Me is a reflection into the past, and outline of the present, and a guide into the future. What could be better than a hand-held therapy session for your personal demons than a friendly copy of Lies My Mother Never Told Me, or thousands of dollars and countless hours of therapy with a stranger? Thank you Kaylie for helping me understand alcoholism and making sense of what I experienced as a child of alcoholic parents. You have given me insight into not only the mind of an alcoholic, but also myself, and why I reacted and did the things I couldn't understand. Lies My Mother Never Told Me can do the same for you if you read with the same openness and honesty Kaylie writes with.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
One of the best books I've read in years..., November 23, 2009
This review is from: Lies My Mother Never Told Me: A Memoir (Hardcover)
Customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program (What's this?)
This is the second time I have read this book in a month, from cover to cover... a first for me! I am left speechless at the lyrical writing which describes some of the most horrendous experiences of an Adult Child of Alcoholics, including the guilt and co-dependency and never-ending desire to be loved that every child of an alcoholic never gives up, no matter how much they are mistreated by the parent that abuses them. I have put off writing this review for as long as I could, as I am literally speechless. Some of the descriptions could have been plucked from my own childhood, and even when I was well-aware of my father's drinking (and my mother's rages) many of the rest of the family stayed, and stays, in a state of denial, including me. Seeing the devastation and dangers of a continued relationship with what sounded like a raging Borderline-Disordered actively alcoholic mother and maintaining that relationship "for the sake of the grandchild" also left me speechless... seeing that this is exactly what I did with my own child, ultimately to my own ever-lasting detriment.
The author gets her black belt in Tae-Kwon Do during the entire process of letting go of the need and desire for her mother's love and approval, which she has never had and never will have, and in very real terms shines as a guiding light for us all that never had what we so fervently believe we need... the love and approval of an alcoholic family system that is simply not wired to ever be able to give it. Alcohol truly does "poison the mind." Read this book if you want to find out.
Kaylie Jones, daughter of the award-winning author James Jones ("The Thin Red Line" and other stories) is to be commended on every level for writing her story. It must have been an excruciatingly painful one to write, but gives everyone in the same predicament (including me) the courage to go on. Thank you, Kylie, forever more. You have no idea the gift and the strength you have given us all. The world needs more stories like yours.
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