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Lies Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free

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We don't need to agree with this book entirely to find it worth reading. Do NOT hesitate to buy it just because other reviewers found the book disagreeable. That may be precisely the reason why we should read it -- use it as a springboard for intelligent discussion! I found that many parts of the book were eye-opening and revelational, even if I personally remain undecided about some of DeMoss's opinions.

Many intelligent women may find themselves offended by DeMoss's conservative viewpoints, especially with regard to her stance against the use of birth control. As a single, professional woman, I, too, was at first taken aback by her statement that the highest calling for women was to be a wife and mother. ***However, DeMoss herself is a single woman and has no children of her own.*** If you read carefully, she later clarifies that it is the highest calling IF it is God's calling for your particular life, obviously. The apostle Paul said that his own personal view was that it was better to be single in order to be fully devoted to God.

Lies Women Believe helps uncover how everyone, including men, are subtly deceived by today's modern society. She inspects today's popular beliefs held by most American women and clearly shows how it deviates from the simple, undeniable truth as written in God's Word. A must-read! Great for small groups.

It's sad that we live in a culture where some author's book holds as much or more authority than the Bible. Many would argue that my first statement isn't true or valid. They would suggest that books like these are only a supplement. I'm not suggesting that there are not wonderful and scripturally grounded books out there, although I definitely don't believe this one is. What I am suggesting is that far too many Christian women know far too much about the opinion's of novices like Demoss and far too little about the examples illustrated by women in the Bible. If you asked the average Christian woman to name at least 10 women of the Bible and explain how their contributions have impacted the lives of Christian women today, many couldn't. Yet, many could gladly ramble on about the teachings of novices like Demoss or similar authors.

My prayer is that Christian women would put aside books like this. Pick up the Bible and learn of and from the women in it: Pilot's wife, Zipporah, Esther, Priscilla, Huldah, Deborah, etc. For example, Demoss' ideas about a wife's duty to submit are in contradiction to the lessons that can be learned from Abigail and Sapphira. Abigail was no doormat. She refused to submit to her husband's foolish. Although she was not able to help her husband, her brave and wise actions saved the lives of others in her house. Sapphira submitted to a lying husband and followed him to the grave.

Christian wives should take their cues from wives in the Bible, instead of taking them from a novice like Demoss who has never been married, birthed kids, or had her name highlighted in the Bible. Sisters, God has already given us all we need to live Godly and victorious lives. If only we would really begin to study the Bible, we would realize how scripturally deficient and misguided books like these really are.

This book outlined the lies that many women get caught up in. I felt that there were some good things about this book. We do need to take responsibility for our actions, not remain a victim, and to realize that sin is sin and that God can forgive it all. Surprisingly, the submission chapter was done well, explaining the myths of submission and how a woman in an abusive situation should get out.

But there were many things I didn't like in this book. First, the author took a patronizing, critical, judging tone towards women. She seemed to like to blame women for a lot of problems, without recognizing the role that men often play in those problems.

I was deeply offended about what she had to say about how "a career is more fulfilling than being a wife and mother". I do agree with that statement. But she uses that statement to imply that the only place for the woman is in the home. She blames working women ("in part") for affairs, women being on welfare (I thought working took women OFF welfare), elderly parent being in nursing homes, divorce, single motherhood, teen violence, etc. She doesn't acknowledge other factors going into those things. I mean, men and women have had affairs since the beginning of time. Elderly parents are in nursing homes because they require 24/7 care, not because of the women working (don't sons or SAHM's put their parents in nursing homes?) I work outside the homes, yet, I do have meals with my family and they aren't all fast food or frozen. As far as women gaining financial independence to free them to leave their husbands...I don't know of many women who work for that purpose. But isn't it OK for each woman to have her own money in cases of abuse, addiction, or when the man leaves them for someone else? What if the husband loses his job, becomes disabled, dies, etc? And the Proverbs 31 woman did a little of everything, including working out of the home.

And yes, children are a blessing, but Demoss seems to think it is wrong to limit the number of children a woman has. She comes from a family of 7 kids, and that's great that her mom enjoyed raising 7 kids, but that is not for everyone. The reasons that Demoss gives--not having patience, not being able to physically handle more kids--are perfectly legitimate reasons, that she appeared to mock. Other than the issue of abortion, the Bible doesn't say that limiting the number of children is a sin, just like it is not a sin for women to work outside the home.

And on emotions, she seems to act like it is a sin to call for pizza when you don't feel like cooking (guess I sinned tonight, after my stressful day at work) or not cleaning house when you don't feel like it. And about passive husbands...what if the husband is an alcoholic and can't hold or look for a job? What is the wife to do? Let her and her children starve?

Although there were some good points to the book, I had a problem with many of the issues presented. If anyone were to go through the book, please go through it with a group to work out the trouble spots.

This book was highly recommended by one of the children's pastor's at my church (a woman), so I went into reading it very excited about the study. (I have the companion study guide too.) I felt that Nancy had a lot of good points, and if you read the book with a discerning eye and heart you can get something good from it... but I found that she didn't offer more than a few verses (sometimes only 1!) to back up her claims, and she was also very opinionated about a few topics that I don't think are so clear in Scripture.

She also gives a lot of "do's" and "don'ts" which sometimes can be discouraging rather than encouraging. Overall, I did learn from her, but I felt it required too much filtering on my part. Some of the things she says come across pretty offensively if you do not give her the benefit of the doubt.

Bottom Line: There are better, more encouraging books for Christian women out there!!!

How do we really gauge who we are, our importance, our value? Whose yardstick do we measure ourselves by? Why do we sin, when we know it is wrong, when we know what the consequences are? What happens when we have misguided ideas about the nature of God? This scripture-based book will gently guide you back to the truth. It brought me to my knees in recognition of how I can so easily sin when I truly believe. Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes, "When we are not honest with each other, we actually do Satan's work for him, acting as his agents, deceiving and destroying each other." She then gives suggestions for overcoming our selfish and sinful tendencies and growing in our love for God and others. DeMoss has written a powerful, thought-provoking book!

I have been a Christian for years (in fact, I am a senior citizen) and attended many bible studies and have read countless Christian books. Some of the "Lies" the author speaks about are thought-provoking and challenge our long-held views. However, in Chapter 6 the writing on "submission" is completely outdated and irrelevant to today's world. The author lost me with a quote included in this chapter that said a wife should relieve her husband of as much household responsibilities as possible in order to free him up to provide for the family. This wife (doormat) "happily" picks up her husbands socks, refrains from asking him to help with the kids or household jobs, etc. in order to accomplish this. The chapter stresses the principle of forgetting about our own needs and focusing completely and totally on our husband and his needs. This is a recipe for a disastrous marriage.....she is supposed to turn herself into a nonperson and make no demands or have any expectations of him? She is to become a puppy dog.....I don't think so.

This book is an incredible conversation starter for a small group. While my group did not necessarily agree with everything Ms. DeMoss wrote, we did have great discussions following each chapter. Many of us had never thought about the issues she brought up. And even though several chapters deal with marriage and child-rearing, it is appropriate for single women as well. If this thought-provoking, Scripture-based book doesn't get you talking, I don't know what will!

There were several powerful and liberating points in this book that all sisters in Christ need to hear. For example, that there is always enough time in a day to do the things God wants you to do. That makes sense, and it challenges us to seek God a little harder for our daily to-do's, especially when feeling frazzled. For the four or so new powerful truths I gleaned from this book, I also encountered the same number of dangerously enslaving thoughts. For example, the concept that family planning is the mother of abortion. This idea was backed up by quoting the psalmist, King David (you know - "the blessed man has a quiver full of kids" king). Think it through: King David not only had servants to help with his children, but he also had multiple wives. I doubt seriously that any one of his wives bore him a quiver full all by herself. There's serious imbalance to DeMoss's argument. Preventative birth control and advance family planning is not a sin the same as abortion is sin (murder). In final analysis I would remind prospective readers that "there is safety in a multitude of counselors" (Pr 24:6). DeMoss's book is very valuable FOR GLEANING. Just don't go at it willing to swallow every idea hook, line and sinker.

For years I've heard women talk about this book and I finally finished it. Nancy Leigh De Moss's book Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free gives a pretty thorough overview of common areas of deception

* Lies about themselves: I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings

* Lies about sin: I cannot walk in consistent victory over sin.

* Lies about their marriage: If I submit to my husband, I will be miserable.

* Lies about their emotions: I can't control my emotions.

* Lies about their circumstances: I just can't take it anymore.

We have all experienced a struggle with at least one of these categories and Nancy sheds some light on these lies and how to be delivered from them to freedom and forgiveness.

The main point I liked from this book was her exhortation to deal specifically with lies in our lives by:

1. Identifying the areas of sinful behavior in our lives

2. Identify the lies at root of that behavior.

3. Replace the lies with the Truth.

I thought Nancy did a good job outlining some of the lies behind feelings and thoughts women have-not believing that God loves you, entitlement, physical beauty matters most, my sin isn't really that bad, it is my responsibility to change my husband, I can't control my emotions, I shouldn't have to suffer and if my circumstances were different, I would be different. As you can see, she covers many of the ways in which we could be deceived. At the end of each chapter she has provided questions to stimulate personal reflection over the material helping the reader-"Agree with God. Accept responsibility. And affirm the Truth." She says at the end of the book, "True freedom is found in a vital, growing relationship with the Lord Jesus." (p. 250) Overall she has some good perspectives.

I found the main premise of this book to actually be pretty confusing. It seems that she is writing to Christian women, but then she says that if she had to describe the majority of Christian women she would use the following words:

frazzled, defeated

exhausted, depressed

burned-out, ashamed

overwhelmed, emotionally unstable

confused, uptight

angry, insecure

frustrated, lonely

discouraged, fearful

and, yes, even suicidal

Bondage is another word that comes to mind when I think of contemporary Christian women...they are not free...by their own admission. (p. 17)

These Christian women don't really sound like Christian women at all. There really is no difference between that list above and the life of a non-Christian woman. It isn't to say that the Christian woman does not struggle with some of those things, I know I have felt exhausted, overwhelmed, angry and discouraged, but can a Christan woman be in bondage to something other than God?

I looked up the word bondage in the dictionary and it presents the idea of someone being subject to, controlled and mastered by something. If a Christian woman struggles in her relationship with God because she thinks, "God isn't good. If her were He would______." Nancy's method to evaluate the lie and replace it with the truth is very helpful, but I don't think Scripture describes a real Christian being mastered by doubt or fear, or anything other that the Lord.

In Romans 6:16-18 Paul writes:

"Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey--whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

Throughout this book, De Moss wants the reader to know that they are not alone and that struggling with these deceptions is very normal. She offers Biblical hope in saying that change is possible through the person of Jesus Christ and the power of the truth of God's Word. In using terms like "bondage" or "enslaved to_____" to describe Christians, but in light of Romans 6, I think De Moss is confusing the need for "sanctification" with the need for "justification."

* Being justified is a one time event in which a sinner is made right with God. Justification is the moment where through faith in Christ a person is set free from sin, judgment and eternal death and given a relationship with God and the power of the Holy Spirit. At justification, God makes you a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), you are filled with the Holy Spirit and empowered to resist temptation and pursue righteousness.

* Being sanctified is the lifelong process of putting off sin and putting on holiness.

If someone has not been justified they cannot be sanctified. This book was in need of clarity on this point.

All in all this book offered some Biblical insights on lies that we women believe. A Christian woman using good discernment can glean some great things from this book, but I don't know that I would really recommend it. Instead of this book I would suggest Martha Peace's new book Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face.

This book is very informative, however, there were many times I was ready to throw this book against the wall. I did this study with my Baptist church's small group. I am a pretty liberal Christian, so I disagreed with several points. However, once I got over my initial strong negative feelings towards Nancy's views, I came to understand what she was trying to say. This provided for some heated discussions and really was one of the best small group studies I've ever been apart of, if for the debating if nothing else.