Customer Reviews

Life After Loss: A Personal Guide Dealing With Death, Divorce, Job Change and Relocation, Third Edition

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The book "Life After Loss" by Bob Deits was given to me by one of my friends when my mother died in January of 2000 from cancer. I'll have to admit that when he gave it to me, the last thing I wanted to do was read it. I was interested in nothing,and even if I would have read it at that time, I wouldn't have remembered it. I was numb. After a few months I pulled the book out from under a big pile of my mother's things in my closet. I was going to look at it, but I didn't want to get upset again so I didn't think about it for another 4 months. When I finally sat down to read it, it wasn't a sad book like I was scared of. It actually helped me to cope with my mom's loss and to like myself again. I no longer felt guilty or ashamed. I learned that things happen because "we live in an imperfect world." I know that this isn't the kind of report that you may want, but I just wanted to let people know that this book can help you. Everyone going through a loss of any kind should read this book and refer to it when they get down again about their loss or losses. Believe me, this book helps...even when it is the last thing you may want to see and especially read. I went through it and now I am so glad that I read it.

After losing my wife to cancer in late 2000, I've read several books dealing with grief and this is easily the one that I've recommended most. I've bought at least 5 copies for friends and family and have mentioned it in a few talks I've given. Mr. Deits' book has made this terrible ordeal a bit easier and much more predictable. It's practical, easy to read, and encourages you along the way.

I met Bob in 1989 and he gave a signed copy of the first edition. I loaned my "precious" copy to a friend who had a recent loss. Every time I bought a copy to replace the original it did not last long in my book collection. After the fifth time I loaned my copy out and hesitated to ask for it back, I realized it was a much more personal gift than flowers. I was even more surprised to learn that many recipients will re-gift it again and again. I must have given out 50 copies over the years.

This book has become a classic in the area of life after losses of all kinds. It is a MUST-READ - in part, because our culture is ignorant yet pushy about how to live through major losses. While this book provides lots of guidelines for how to get through difficult times, it also appropriately repeats the truth that losses are different for each person - and even for each loss. It gives necessary permission for people to allow their unique feelings to come up and be expressed, rather than hiding them or being afraid of them. It promotes the truth that the only way to get through losses in life is to go "THROUGH THEM", not to "get over them." "Getting over" losses is merely a way to avoid feelings and force them to come out through the body (illness)or some other mode that is more accepted in our culture than emotions. Although these feelings may at first seem unbearably painful, the reader will find surprising relief by allowing them to be felt and then expressed either through direct emotions, or through some of the exercises provided in the book. This book recognizes that many people and even professionals may be unaware of these truths. It recommends that you either educate those people or else find a way to do what you need to do to get THROUGH your process without their input. I am a psychologist and have used this book regularly in my practice for years. But more importantly, I am a person who has experienced many losses that this book helped me find my way THROUGH.

I needed to make sure I was okay after a break-up of a long-term relationship. My emotions were so out of control--I thought I was mad. After reading "Life After Loss"; I felt a much better about the emotional turmoil I was living with. I struggled, but I felt more "normal".

Deits reveals to us that no matter your loss--it is a loss. Your losses, whether they are career/job changes, moving, death, ended relationships, or even twists like getting married and losing your sense of independence, all affect you differently. If you allow yourself your grief your doing yourself a favor.

I think because of Deits and other great spirited writers that I'll never experience the same sense of utter turmoil in my life because now I feel I can acknowledge grief--rather than fight it and THAT can make all the difference.

On January 27, 1991, I scoured the bookstores of Southern California trying to find the following title: "What to Do When You Find Out that Your Baby Doesn't Have a Brain."

I had just left UCLA and I was stunned to learn that after 28-months of painful, infertility treatment that the child we had dreamed of bore such a terrible birth defect.

After I left my fourth bookstore, I realized that no one had ever written a book about the specific situation I was living through. Happily, I did encounter a title called, "Life After Loss" that day.

Life After Loss saved my life. My first copy is dog eared, tea stained, tear stained, filled with momentos, and much loved. In the subsequent eight years, I have bought at least 30 copies of the book to distribute to friends and associates going through grief.

I learned that our society is embarrased by the display of pain. To keep myself sane, I had to learn to express it. In Life After Loss I learned that you can't go around grief, that you have to go through it.

I learned that my sorrow wouldn't engulf me if I understood what to expect from the grief cycle.

I grew to understand and have empathy for the small and large losses each of experience in our daily lives. I learned how courageous it is just to get out of bed in the morning when you're hurting.

Life After Loss is a road map to your new life. I pray that your future will lead you to your dreams, as mine has.

After losing my beloved father last month, a friend suggested I read this book. It not only has reassured me that much of what I'm feeling is "normal", it's given me valuable suggestions and insights on how to confront my grief work. I have purchased a copy for my mother and for my sister, and recommend this book wholeheartedly.

Mr. Deits' book is an excellent resource for anyone that is dealing with loss. After reading his book, I could understand my feelings and I was able to share my feelings about my loss with others. I have used the information in the book to work through other "losses" in my life and I have given other copies to friends as gifts. Each one of them have expressed how helpful the book has been to them. This is an excellent book for all families. Much success to Mr. Deits.

A lifesaver for those left behind. I bought the book after the loss of my parents and continue to buy it as a gift for friends who are going through the same grief.

This book helped me a great deal when I lost my baby daughter. This is a general grief book that is good for any kind of grief, not just death. It helps to understand what you are going through and this book does a great job of explaining the stages and processes of grief. I have recommended this book to many people.