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Life With a Partner or Spouse With Asperger Syndrome: Going over the Edge? Practical Steps to Savings You and Your Relationship Paperback – March 27, 2009


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Editorial Reviews

Review

This book may be difficult and challenging to read at times ... However, the knowledge gained from the examples and practical tips throughout the book will promote a more solid and satisfying union between two people. --Stephen M. Shore (added by author)

Going over the Edge? is a powerful illustration of the complexities of intimate relationships between individuals with autism spectrum disorders and their neurotypical partners. Dr. Marshack brings great clarity to the dynamic influences that shape these relationships ... for better or for worse. She has brought stature to a voice from the autism community that has been waiting to be heard. Many family members and partners will appreciate the cathartic nature of her work, and professionals will find a depth of insight and feeling that is rarely articulated so well. Pay attention to every word of this book. There is nothing else like it! --Sherry A. Moyer, B.S., Asperger Syndrome consultant, NHS Human Services, Pennsylvania

With vivid examples drawn from years of professional practice and life experience, Dr. Marshack expertly guides the reader towards success in marriage when Asperger Syndrome is present. Full of practical tips, the major lesson learned from this book is that learning to interface between the different operating systems of spectrum and non-spectrum partners leads to better communication with greater mutual understanding and satisfaction. Highly recommended to all seeking to learn more about Asperger Syndrome and long-term relationships. --Yi Liu Shore

About the Author

Kathy J. Marshack, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist with more than 25 years' experience as a marriage and family therapist and business coach. Dr. Marshack has written two previous books, a variety of articles and a family business column, and is a contributor to the nationally acclaimed Sixty Things to Do When You Turn Sixty. She has been profiled by national and local media, such as CNN, the Lifetime Channel, USA Today, and National Public Radio.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 176 pages
  • Publisher: Autism Asperger Publishing Company (March 27, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 193457547X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1934575475
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (27 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #250,329 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

After reading it, it was like all the puzzle pieces fell into place.
Sharla J. Vellek
This book, which is written by a psychologist, shows she has a very good understanding of the subject.
Trevan
Most women do not discover their AS until their children are diagnosed with AS.
Amazon Customer

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

44 of 44 people found the following review helpful By A. R. Goodman on July 3, 2009
Format: Paperback
This is the most honest and rewarding book on Aspergers in adults I have so far read. I would recommend it equally to people on either side of the diagnosis. Kathy Marshack writes with palpable humanity. For people who have to suffer the confusion of living with Aspergers there is real hope offered. This is the first time I have felt after reading a book that for both sufferers of Aspergers and those that suffer because of them, there is real practical insight and advice given.
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43 of 44 people found the following review helpful By Joanna L8 on June 8, 2009
Format: Paperback
This book has many examples of actual situations that occur in marriages between an 'aspergers'(AS) and a 'normal'(NT) person. It looks at the outcomes when partners have no outside help and use only patience and grit. Marshack makes it clear that many of these marriages need outside help to survive and thrive. She raises the link between codependency and aspergers in a NT/AS relationship. I found my feelings around my marriage validated and also my understanding of my husband's (AS) point of view enhanced. I have a new empathy for the difficulties that an AS person faces in the world. Highly recommended.
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32 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Dolly's Mum on April 4, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I've read most, if not all of the books for partners of people with Aspergers and this book I would rate as one of the best. It is written with so much heart, caring, gentleness and kindness which are usually things that the partner of an Aspie is in desperate need of - there is a real nurturing vibe to this book. Unlike some of the other books it does not go into the diagnostic criteria and traits of Aspergers in detail, but insight is given into the traits through case histories and stories in the book. Also, this book more than any other goes deeply into the impact on mental health that living with an Aspie can have on a partner. I found this extremely helpful and validating especially at the stage of my relationship that I was at when I read the book. The book guides you through how to "pick up the pieces" of your shattered being and start to reclaim who you are, so that you can become strong in yourself again and have the best chance of making a success of your relationship. I believe there is a great deal of personal growth to be gained through having an Aspie partner and this book can help you to grow as a person from the relationship. Kathy also takes you through the issue of separation and divorce and gives vital information on how to manage those situations. The advice is extremely practical, making this book so useful - it is not just a whole lot of theory and information that turns out to be impossible to apply in your situation - it is very relevant and useable. If you have an Aspie partner, this book is essential reading and may even save your sanity, literally. Kathy Marshack is an angel!
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15 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Al Saddleman on May 9, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As an un-diagnosed Aspie, I found this book useful. If you are a man reading this. Don't think about any "male bashing" feelings you might derive from this book. Understand what your wife/partner is going through.
My wife got this book for herself and I finished it before she did. We talked about some of the people featured in the story. Suffice to say it was not easy subject to address, but we managed to get though it.
If you are serious about re-building relationship, this will help.
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16 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Sharla J. Vellek on September 16, 2009
Format: Paperback
Dr Marshacks simplistic style and thoughtful approach truly helped me to understand Aspergers Syndrome - something that was very new to me. After reading it, it was like all the puzzle pieces fell into place. I have renewed strength and hope that now upon discovering the source of the struggles in my relationship with my spouse we have new tools to work with and hope for our future. I encourage anyone to read this book. It provides examples of real life stories and tools for hope.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Kerryn on December 19, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My partner has not yet been diagnosed and this is why i am reading books to learn as much as i can. I have no doubt after reading this book that my suspicion is right. This book is down to earth with great examples of situations that have actually happened in my relationship and this is so comforting to know i am not going crazy that these problems are real and now i have a reason to approach him about getting some help and get a diagnosis so we can work together and move forward in our relationship. Aspergers sufferers are good people that just need some kindness and understanding and this book offers help on how not to react to situations and new ways of handling them.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By Cicinior on August 10, 2010
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I loved this book! In fact, I read it in just two days! With understanding and years of experience, Dr. Marshack compassionately addresses the feelings and emotions of NT's who live with, and love, folks with AS (she gets it!), as well as the issues of AS. She also offers suggestions and ideas for managing and/or living with AS. This is such a relevant book, as we are just beginning to understand more and more about AS. I highly recommend this book!
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By First Mate on November 8, 2011
Format: Paperback
Thank you Dr. Marshack for this book. As the spouse of an Aspie, my ability to distinguish between my reality and my husband's reality has been a real struggle for the past 12 years. Because of the nuance and subtlety of AS it is not something that is easy to tell others about. I found myself being very frustrated at the tiniest things, which if you were an outside observer would think that I was off my rocker to complain about! On top of it my husband is a sea captain. This made our ( I should say 'my' ) ability to be or feel intimate that much more difficult. I attributed a lot of it to his long absences. The more time that has gone by, the less we have in common. It is very sad, especially because I nor he knew about the possibility of Aspergers.
Many days I would think, "didn't we already go over this yesterday?". Every day seemed to be a new day and for all of my effort, we never matured as a couple and we would go round in circles in conversations without ever a resolution. I feel for my Aspergers husband, but I never felt he "feels" for me. This book has allowed me to understand our dynamic and has validated my frustrations and confusion throughout these past years. I think Dr. Marshack is very brave to have written this book from the perspective that she did. Thank you again Dr.
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