Life On Santa Claus Lane [Paperback]

Darrell Bain (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 1, 2001

Non-Fiction humor about life on an actual Christmas Tree farm in, where else(?) Texas!

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Warm, witty and delightful! Like sitting around the kitchen table swapping stories with family. Darrell Bain has all the makings of an old-time storyteller. Seeing the absolute twisted humor in everyday life on the farm. His wife, Betty, must be a saint! This follows Darrell Bain's first published novel, "Tales From A Texas Christmas Tree Farm."

"Few books have the ability to attach themselves so easily to your heart as those that tell of "real-life" views on the everyday. And when you add a touch of whimsy, a retired "mechanically challenged" husband and a computer, the result can be no less than a hilarious compilation of stories where nothing escapes the fated fickle finger of humor!

"A gracious host, Bain beckons us to come visit their Christmas Tree farm, on a real road called "Santa Claus Lane." He walks us through short stories such as the simple errand of picking up single fold white bias tape along with a loaf of bread. [Seems simple enough, doesn't it?] With absolute certainty he leaves the house on his quest, repeating the mantra..."Bread and single fold white bias tape in the notions department. Bread and single hole white bias tape Bread in the lotion department. Bread and winged whole bright bias grapes in the potion department". ...well, you get the idea. He returns home sans bias tape and bread much to the disappointment of his dear wife Betty, who claims you should never send a man to do a woman's work. Bain is still trying to figure out that statement, as well as why the store didn't carry those darn "duct taped skates. "

"Bain spends his days observing and writing about everything from furniture moving..."if it weren't for men, couches would never have been invented and then where would women be when they wanted to rearrange living room furniture, " to stories of the killer tiller and learning to wear sweat-suits.

"And he shares them all with us in a wonderful collection of lighthearted short stories sure to warm even the coldest heart. Many times, humor is the best medicine for the aches and pains that life can produce. My advice would be a large dose of Bain's book, a cup of coffee and a great footstool. A perfect winter read!!" -- Pamela Johnson - WordMuseum, Reviewer --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

About the Author

Darrell Bain really lives on a Christmas Tree Farm in Texas. He has been writing fantasy, fiction, humor, mysteries, non-fiction, romances, science fiction and thrillers for over a decade and has previously published a novel and short stories. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 159 pages
• Publisher: Lighthouse Press (December 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0971191581
• ISBN-13: 978-0971191587
• Product Dimensions: 7.9 x 5.7 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,315,156 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I have read about 20,000 books in my lifetime, much of it science fiction but history, mystery, war, popular and historical fiction as well. I also write and have a variety of books published in print and as e-books. I like to write humor and adventure/mystery/science fiction/suspense/thriller novels and short stories. I have worked in the medical field, am a Vietnam Veteran and currently live and write in east Texas where my wife Betty and I owned a Christmas tree farm until two years ago. I like to correspond with fans and can be reached through my web site, www.darrellbain.com We have two dachshunds that I've written about. I currently have about fifty books in print.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus Lane..., October 25, 2007

By 

Gene Berger "Bergers Book Reviews" (Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (Paperback)

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus Lane. And for Darrell Bain, life at home is filled with more funny and unusual experiences than a stocking is filled with goodies on Christmas morning.

Life on Santa Claus Lane is a collection of amusing stories detailing Bain's life on a Christmas tree farm in East Texas along with his spouse, dog, and two cats. You certainly won't be disappointed with Bain's down-home, tongue-in-cheek style and quirky perceptions of life. (Per evidence of his definition of the actual use of a tape measure: "There is no actual use for this tool because it mysteriously disappears whenever anything needs measuring.") But don't look for any talk about sex, because that topic is emphatically off limits. Just ask Darrell's wife. The exploits of their dog, Biscuit, however, is fair game.

Through it all Bain spins a sequence of tales that provide smirks of familiarity, chuckles of amusement, or downright, out-loud laughter. Wait till you read about "The Great Closet Expedition" or learn of his ironclad memory in "A Simple Errand." Even putting up a garden tent can be quite an adventure where Bain is concerned.

Whatever happens on Santa Claus Lane, you can be sure Darrel Bain will tell us about it in a fun and entertaining fashion. This book is a great read, and I highly recommend it!

Reviewer: Gene Berger

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the funniest books I've ever read, March 2, 2000

By 

Bob Rich (Australia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (CD-ROM)

This just has to be the funniest book I have ever read. I was doing a job for the publisher Bookmice, improving the appearance and usability of the HTML versions of several books: background, headings, internal links and so on.This kind of work doesn't involve much reading from the book, but when I started on 'Santa Claus Lane', my eyes were caught by a sentence, and I got to reading, then I went to the start of the chapter to make sense of it. Before long, I gave away all pretense of working on the book, and simply read it from end to end. Even then, the content wouldn't let me alone. Many of the stories were well worth a second read, and now weeks later, they still make me chuckle. Darrel has a wicked turn of phrase: * "I was watching a football game through closed eyelids (this is something only men can do)." * "...anyone who has been owned by kittens..." * "What's that noise?" she asked. "The wall," I said. "Walls don't make noise." "They do when I bump them with my head." He describes perfectly ordinary domestic episodes in a way that'll have you laugh. I suspect this book is not for youngsters, but the more mature among us will identify with this self-effacing rogue and his ever-victorious wife Betty.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Park you bottom, put up your feet and prepare to laugh, March 13, 2000

By 

Will Stafford (Daytona Beach, Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (CD-ROM)

I will never look at a Christmas tree the same again. What a funny, funny recounting of life in the not so fast lane of a Christmas tree farmer and his long suffering wife Betty.

If you've had a hard day at the office and want to relax while reading about the hilarious trials and tribulations of someone else, this book is the one. This is better than cherry vanilla ice cream.