Life on Santa Claus Lane [Paperback]

Darrell Bain (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 2004

Here is a collection of wild and zany, hilariously funny stories about the life and adventures of a couple who have lived for over twenty years at a real address on Santa Claus Lane and--what else?--own a Christmas tree farm in--where else?--Texas! Darrell is a lazy, inefficient and ten-thumbed farmer who would rather write or do most anything except farm, even though he's the one who got them into it. Betty is his hard-working, efficient and competent wife. Darrell loves her dearly, and it's a wonder she has stayed with him, considering all the misadventures, escapades and hair-brained schemes he gets himself and his long-suffering wife into. These stories range from ravenous Bed & Breakfast guests who eat them out of house and home, the attack of the killer kittens, couch testing, wreath-making for dummies and many, many more, related in a style all Darrell's own. If you can get through this book without laughing until your ribs are sore, you are a rare exception and haven't got a funny bone in your body. "Life On Santa Claus Lane by Darrell Bain is Sensational. I've never laughed or smiled so much reviewing a story. Darrell's true adventures will remind you of some of your fondest memories growing up or time shared with loved ones. If you're looking to give the gift of laughter this holiday season, this is one book you can't pass up."--Kim Genoa, Kim's Reviews "I have read a few humor books and have never laughed as much as I did with this one. Don't be fooled by thinking that this is just another guy trying to tell a funny story, this goes beyond that. The author definitely succeeds here. When you need a good laugh, chuckle or smile, grab this book, it will definitely provide one for you."--Tracy Eastgate, Under The Covers Reviews.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"...Sensational. I've never laughed or smiled so much reviewing a story." -- Kim Genoa, Kim's Reviews

"I have read a few humor books and have never laughed as much as I did with this one." -- Tracy Eastgate, Under The Covers Reviews

"Warm, witty and delightful! Darrell Bain has all the makings of an old-time storyteller." -- Pamela Johnson, Word Museum

About the Author

Darrell Bain is a Vietnam Veteran and was a Medical Technologist and Christmas tree farmer prior to becoming a writer. He has won almost every major award offered in the e-book publishing industry and now most of his books are in print as well. He writes mostly science fiction and suspense/thrillers but has also written a number of non-fiction humorous works dealing with life on the family Christmas tree farm.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 177 pages
• Publisher: Twilight Times Books (October 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1931201196
• ISBN-13: 978-1931201193
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.7 x 0.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (3 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,129,216 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I have read about 20,000 books in my lifetime, much of it science fiction but history, mystery, war, popular and historical fiction as well. I also write and have a variety of books published in print and as e-books. I like to write humor and adventure/mystery/science fiction/suspense/thriller novels and short stories. I have worked in the medical field, am a Vietnam Veteran and currently live and write in east Texas where my wife Betty and I owned a Christmas tree farm until two years ago. I like to correspond with fans and can be reached through my web site, www.darrellbain.com We have two dachshunds that I've written about. I currently have about fifty books in print.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus Lane..., October 25, 2007

By 

Gene Berger "Bergers Book Reviews" (Pennsylvania) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (Paperback)

Yes, Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus Lane. And for Darrell Bain, life at home is filled with more funny and unusual experiences than a stocking is filled with goodies on Christmas morning.

Life on Santa Claus Lane is a collection of amusing stories detailing Bain's life on a Christmas tree farm in East Texas along with his spouse, dog, and two cats. You certainly won't be disappointed with Bain's down-home, tongue-in-cheek style and quirky perceptions of life. (Per evidence of his definition of the actual use of a tape measure: "There is no actual use for this tool because it mysteriously disappears whenever anything needs measuring.") But don't look for any talk about sex, because that topic is emphatically off limits. Just ask Darrell's wife. The exploits of their dog, Biscuit, however, is fair game.

Through it all Bain spins a sequence of tales that provide smirks of familiarity, chuckles of amusement, or downright, out-loud laughter. Wait till you read about "The Great Closet Expedition" or learn of his ironclad memory in "A Simple Errand." Even putting up a garden tent can be quite an adventure where Bain is concerned.

Whatever happens on Santa Claus Lane, you can be sure Darrel Bain will tell us about it in a fun and entertaining fashion. This book is a great read, and I highly recommend it!

Reviewer: Gene Berger

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars One of the funniest books I've ever read, March 2, 2000

By 

Bob Rich (Australia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (CD-ROM)

This just has to be the funniest book I have ever read. I was doing a job for the publisher Bookmice, improving the appearance and usability of the HTML versions of several books: background, headings, internal links and so on.This kind of work doesn't involve much reading from the book, but when I started on 'Santa Claus Lane', my eyes were caught by a sentence, and I got to reading, then I went to the start of the chapter to make sense of it. Before long, I gave away all pretense of working on the book, and simply read it from end to end. Even then, the content wouldn't let me alone. Many of the stories were well worth a second read, and now weeks later, they still make me chuckle. Darrel has a wicked turn of phrase: * "I was watching a football game through closed eyelids (this is something only men can do)." * "...anyone who has been owned by kittens..." * "What's that noise?" she asked. "The wall," I said. "Walls don't make noise." "They do when I bump them with my head." He describes perfectly ordinary domestic episodes in a way that'll have you laugh. I suspect this book is not for youngsters, but the more mature among us will identify with this self-effacing rogue and his ever-victorious wife Betty.

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Park you bottom, put up your feet and prepare to laugh, March 13, 2000

By 

Will Stafford (Daytona Beach, Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Life on Santa Claus Lane (CD-ROM)

I will never look at a Christmas tree the same again. What a funny, funny recounting of life in the not so fast lane of a Christmas tree farmer and his long suffering wife Betty.

If you've had a hard day at the office and want to relax while reading about the hilarious trials and tribulations of someone else, this book is the one. This is better than cherry vanilla ice cream.