Customer Reviews

Life Strategies for Teens

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

I read this book after The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, and though Life Strategies has some good points, I thought 7 Habits was a much better book.

The page layout of both books is shockingly similar...did they get the same graphic designer or what? Both books are similarly organized, though for 7 Habits the organization makes sense while the "life laws" of Life Strategies seem to be in haphazard order. Both books are written by the sons of the authors of the famous adult versions. Both books promise to have the magic formula for success in life, presented so that teens can understand it. Yeah, right.

Life Strategies does have some good points. Its presentation of goal setting is better than the one in 7 Habits, and its section on why you keep doing those problem behaviors is insightful (and reeks of a clinical psychologist father).

More troublesome was the chapter on how "You Tell People How to Treat You". This chapter is about setting boundaries, a very useful "life law". However, it is stated that people who don't obey your boundaries are "sicko freaks who need therapy or worse". In my experience, I have found that there is a gradient between a perfectly healthy relationship and a horribly abusive relationship. People aren't going to treat you well all the time, and even abusive people do something right once in a while. Dividing everything into black and white doesn't work well for describing the nature of life.

But what bothered me most about this book is its relentless promotion of the status quo. It is somehow assumed that your goals in life are to be popular and get good grades in school. The chapter on assimilating into the system is titled "You Either Get It, Or You Don't" and is described in the introduction as "how to get the L for Loser off your forehead". In later chapters you are advised to change your appearance to what will make you more acceptable to others (but don't let your peers talk you into taking drugs!), every stereotype about teens in school is repeated, and you are told that your parents won't respect you until your grades are excellent. What's wrong with that? In my nineteen years on this planet, I have found that being yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. I don't particularly want to be popular. I'd rather think for myself. I follow the system when it suits me, but more important to me are my principles. The concept of following your principles is in 7 Habits, but not in Life Strategies, where following the crowd seems to be the only principle.

If money is no object, there are some good ideas in Life Strategies for Teens which make the book worth the read. However, if you have to choose, both The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and Teens Can Make It Happen are better than this uneven and sometimes contradictory book.

"Dad, trust me, when it comes to teens, you don't get it!" Thus, Mr. Jay McGraw told his Dad, Dr. Phil McGraw, that Dr. Phil was violating his own first rule for Life Strategies, You Either Get It or You Don't. Mr. Jay had wanted to use Life Strategies to improve his own life, and found that it took him 6 years (from age 13 to age 19) to translate the lessons into a teen perspective that made sense to Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay was naturally appalled when he found that Dr. Phil had a book contract to do a book on Life Strategies for teens. The project was reborn in Mr. Jay's hands.

By the time Mr. Jay was done, he was no longer a teen, having reached the ripe old age of 20. But his memory of teenage perspectives is strong and salty.

Early in the book, he candidly points out that the teen did not buy this book. It was a gift from an adult, usually a parent. And that's a very good point -- one that I would like to comment on.

I suggest that you read this book before giving it to anyone. That may be its greatest benefit. Mr. Jay does a good job of taking on the key psychological, social, and developmental challenges of the teenage years. As you visit these points of view, you can begin to see how your teenager might see you.

For example, do you ever tell you teen stories about what it was like when you were your teen's age? I know I do. Mr. Jay points out that any self-respecting teen "knows" that those old lessons don't apply now. Times are much different and tougher now. Dad or Mom is just being "boring" again.

Do you ever interrupt your teen? Mr. Jay indicates that that means "that Mom or Dad doesn't ever listen to me." That can cut off the possibility of communication.

There's also a wonderful section on the roles that teenager's today choose to play (their social masks). All of a sudden it clicked. I saw each of our teenager's friends fitting neatly into one of these categories. I could suddenly predict how each would respond in any given situation. Wow! What a gift! Thank you, Mr. Jay!! What has happened is that a few new categories have been established since the Middle Ages when I was a teenager. I am very glad to get up-to-date.

The book itself follows Dr. Phil's 10 laws. You can read my reviews of Life Strategies and the Life Strategies Workbook if you want to know more about them.

Mr. Jay takes the perspective of what the payoff is from the teenage years. For example, he candidly points out that you can decide not to get good grades. But you have to understand that that means that you will get less respect from everyone, and have fewer choices after high school is over. Coming from a parent, that would have sounded preachy. Coming from Mr. Jay, it just sounds matter-of-fact.

Many teenagers are into not reading anything they don't have to, so I don't know how many will read this book. From a psychological point of view, it probably should have been positioned as something like "Have Great Teen Years Without Being Hassled by Your Parents and Friends." The book needs more rebellion against the convention wisdom to be appealing.

Regardless, it is great for us parents. Enjoy the examples, learn the role-playing, appreciate the angst, and avoid acting "boring." And by the time your teen is 24, you'll start to look pretty good in her or his eyes again. Be patient in the meantime.

If you have a pretty good relationship with your teen, a possible approach is to start doing Life Strategies yourself. Ask your teen if he or she would help you with the exercises in that book. As you open up about your issues, hopes, and dreams, you may stimulate an interest in your teen. In the meantime, be sure you have a copy of this book around the house, and be perfectly open about reading it. Who knows what might develop next? You could possibly start a dialogue by asking your teen to tell you what the three things are that you do that most annoy your teen. Then, see if you can do better.

Communication is the most important bridge to your teenager's development. Keep building that bridge daily, in ways that your teenager likes!

This book might possibly be helpful if you're a teenager with no real problems. Jay McGraw uses himself as an example of the "average" teenager, trying to forget that he is an OK-looking, athletic son of a rich, famous guy who started the whole "Life Strategies" phenomenon in the first place. Jay's examples of problems (and subsequent triumphs) include when he was injured on the basketball court, felt sorry for himself for a while, and then worked hard at getting back into shape for the next basketball season; another "problem" was being nervous about asking his girlfriend to the prom. Sheesh, if these are your worst problems, do you even need a book like this?

Let's talk about real problems many teenagers face: a variety of physical and emotional abuse, violence, health problems, poverty, coercive school and penal systems, and the reality of sexism, racism, homophobia, and classism that a rich, young, white, male, straight kid like Jay knows nothing about. Having these problems forced upon one is not the equivalent to making a bunch of "excuses" for not getting good grades or being popular or avoiding drugs.

It was also hard to ignore the blatant sexist examples, such as the girl who is a "tease," while the similarly flirtatious boy goes unmentioned. (Why doesn't he just be honest about his double standard by calling her a "(...)" instead of the euphemism "tease"?)

I have respect for Dr. Phil McGraw, partly because he seems to be a self-made person. But his older son is little more than an arrogant, spoiled, sheltered (...) who won't admit to riding his dad's coattails.

This book really got me on track for success in high school and life. I received it as a Christmas present in my freshman year and it is one of the reasons that I am still in one piece.
Coasting in high school is a common ailment of my class and this book helps you see what the problems with coasting are, why you do it and what you can do about it.
The format was well thought out. The beginning of each chapter starts with why you need to read that chapter and the end finishes with a lightbulb box that highlights the important parts you should remember. It is concise and really addresses what you need as a teen and not what your parents want you to do. But, it also steers you towards the "right" decisions, highlighting the payoffs of your harmful behavior and making you realize the error of your ways.
All in all, this book is excellent for teens who know they can do more and do better but really don't know how to go about changing themselves.

I haven't been a teen for a long time, but I still remember the frustrations and not knowing how to do what I wanted or get what I wanted. I bought this book for my oldest son and I read it in three days. Then I bought a new one for him and one for his best friend. If I had had a book like this when I was a teen it would have made my life so much simpler by showing me what I had, what I could have and how to follow the path I wanted. It's a wonderful book for teens, young adults and reminds us "old folks" how we once struggled to "figure out the rules of the game" I can only urge parents to get give this to their kids and read themselves. Closest thing to a "Life Handbook" available. :-)

This book was quite excellent. As a thirteen-year-old girl, it sure got me in gear! My twelfth year was spent trying to fit in with the crowd, dismiss good grades, and wear tight clothing. Now, thanks to this book, I have newfound self-esteem, willpower, and goals which I am reaching one by one! My aunt, a huge fan of Dr. Phil, gave it to me for Christmas. I am already a different person. It helps so much with self-esteem issues, peer pressures, goal-setting and other teen dilemmas and issues.

I definitely recommend it to all teenagers who want to get their life in gear! It helps so much, but only if you allow it. This is not the kind of book that you can just skim through. You've got to read it and take action, take it to heart, in order for those Life Strategies to work in your life. I'm telling you, it's so helpful! Thanks Jay!

One last thing, however, I would like to direct to those who thought Jay McGraw was copycatting Dr. Phil's book- NO KIDDING! Where've you been? This book is the same as LIFE STRATEGIES, but it's just been rewritten for teenage understanding. And, also, the rich have their problems, too. Maybe Jay hasn't had to work hard for his popularity or money, but I'm sure it's obviously something he knows a lot about- THINK ABOUT IT! He has DR. PHIL for a father. Please try not to be so critical. Not everyone's perfect, and perfection is only in the eye of the beholder- there is no real perfection. No reality, just perception!

I saw Jay McGraw on Larry King and was so impressed by his calm yet straightforward manner and convictions that I decided to buy his book. I'm glad I did. using clear language and concrete examples, Mcgraw updates and adapts his father's Life Strategies so that teens can understand them. He also adds some personal real-life examples to show how teens can either drift along in life or forge their own directions.
I was also pleasantly surprised to find that this wasn't just another cookie cutter self-help book. There are questionnaires designed to make teens think, REALLY think, about what matters to them - and why - and how they can go about achieving their goals. It isn't always an easy read but it is a worthwhile one.
As the parent of a teen, I found the short quizzes and question sections very thought-provoking and they even started some good discussions in our household.

Jay does a great job of explaining to teens the importance of "playing the game" wisely. His book carries an important message I had tried to communicate for years--you get much more of what you want when you keep your parents happy too!

My son wasn't interested in reading the book but reading it myself gave more than ample assistance in relating to my son. There were many times I was able to let slip into everyday conversation a little tidbit of Jay's wisdom without lecturing or preaching. Jay does this very thing in his book, which would have appealed to my son had he read it; Jay doesn't come across as this perfect person with all the answers, but as humble and real.

Highly recommend this book.

I thought this book was a really wicked book. Coming from a 15 year old I now understand more about life. This book is not really for parents, although they can read it, but they shouldn't review it. This book has given me new insights on life that i've never realized before. So overall it's the best book i've ever read. I don't read a lot of books, but this one just stood out. I know a lot of teenagers are looking for answers, and so therefore they will discover this book like I did. I don't agree with Wayne Mitchell's review at all. His point of view is coming from a grown up, and my review is coming from a teenager himself. I think all teenagers should read this book. I know i've gotten a lot of help out of it!

I have to say reading the comment above made me pretty sad. This book was not sending mixed messages and it is definately NOT telling you to be popular and that your parents will only love you more if you get good grades. This book is simply about helping yourself become more of what you want and getting more out of the life you were delt with. It makes me so sad to hear bad things about this book becuase that review probably stopped someone from buying this amazing book.

This book helped me through the toughest times in my life, it works with you and helps you see what is behind the "my life is perfect" mask that so many teens have. Amazing book, it changed who I am and how I act. For instance, in one chapter it talks about how in arguments if you just talk even if someone is yelling at you, you are not being passive, but in turn arguments turn into talks a lot more often. So as a test i followed this advice becuase i had just moved in with a step-sister my own age and we were not getting along very well. Now, that we stopped fighting (and i give all credit to this book) we are able to talk about what is bothering us and not fight. We couldnt be closer now. And that is exactally the reason i would recommend this book to ANYONE, it helps with topics like that without barking orders or telling you what you need to do or you suck as was stated above. This is an EXCELLENT book. BEST BOOK I EVER READ!!!!!