Customer Reviews

The Life You Longed For: A Novel

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Reviewed by Carol Janc - The best experience in life is to bear a child, know a child, love a child. Perfect innocence. Unless that child carries the dark secret of an incurable disease. Then life is terrifyingly shattered; a family knows the experience of being keel hauled despite overwhelming devotion and love. That is the family MARIBETH FISCHER casts a spotlight on in THE LIFE YOU LONGED FOR. Based on medical facts, and a painfully believable family, this book is so close to the bone, so true, so enlightening about the lives of those involved with the serious and deadly illnesses of children. It is a must read for moms and dads, as well as medical professionals. THE LIFE YOU LONGED FOR will touch your heart and your head, hopefully forever.

In "The Life You Longed For," Maribeth Fischer exquisitely captures the fierceness born out of necessity of mothering a sick child that everyone but the mother has given up on. By it's very nature, mitrochondrial disease is elusive in diagnosis, perplexing in symptoms and frustrating to doctors who cannot seem to stop it's inexorable progress. The Connolly's finally have a diagnosis for their three year old son, Jack but one that carries very few clear answers. Do nothing or do everything to help him? Those questions inhabit every character in one way or another in this story that seeks to make sense of the senseless -children that no one, not doctors, not God, not even love may end up saving.
Grace Connolly, despite the odds, is determined to save her son.

Her every word and action become subject to painful scrutiny causing a cascade of unfathomable events that make this book impossible to put down. Grace's loss of control, her guilt as a wife and mother converge in a perfect storm of heartbreaking grief. The relentless bureaucracy that unfolds is both terrifying and torturous adding more pain and suffering than any one family should have to endure. Grace Connolly is a woman swallowed whole by motherhood until she is barely recognizable to even herself. Ms. Fischer realistically details the nuances of how people perceive themselves, each other and circumstance; how and where they find comfort and solace and their final day of reckoning. If you've ever struggled with forgiving or being forgiven, "The Life You Longed For" will resonate in perfect pitch.

Ms.Fischer's ability to weave historical and scientific fact, particularly of the Salem Witch trials lends a unique perspective to the terror of mothering sick children in any era. The centuries old insistance of blaming the mother first is haunting long after you finish reading. Don't miss this book- a terrific starting point for discussions on motherhood, children who die, grief and forgiveness.

The reviewers who have called this book an "exploration" are right on target. I was a little disappointed to see the number of jacket blurbs from authors who are women because I thought it may have suggested that this is a woman's book, and it is no more necessarily a woman's book than Job is necessarily a man's book. Both books feature a central character whose life is animated by unconditional love and devotion; in both cases the character ends up in trouble for that very reason; and, in both cases much of the book is consumed in an effort to discover what it all means.

There is a kind of diabolical cleverness in the plot, in which the mother of a terminally ill child, a woman who is struggling to keep the child alive in a world that sees his death as a foregone conclusion is suddenly accused of Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP), that is, of making the child sicker as a means of getting attention. The accusation forces her to question everything: her own motivations, her relationships, and her perception of reality. MSBP is the perfect tool to pry the truth of things out of the plot because the observable symptoms of it are all the same observable traits of a devoted and caring mother. The facts don't much matter when the conclusion is known. One could carry the comparison with Job too far but his friends did spend most of the book spinning out potential reasons for his plight: all of them wrong.

Ms. Fischer's writing is especially effective because it is full of highly detailed images and metaphors so the reader is submerged in a concrete world where everything can be visualized and felt. Just as is the case with MSBP, the details are very important but they are not enough. Just what is enough - well, you'll need to read the book to find that out.

There's enough meat in this book to keep a book club busy. The fundamental questions about love and personal motivations and the presence of evil in the world will keep resonating long after the book is closed.

I literally could not put this novel down. It grabs you on page one and never lets you go, never lets you relax. It procedes with high emotional intensity to the end.

This is a novel that teaches -- about mitochondrial disease, about Munchausenn's, about the failings of the child protective system in this country, and about our own human failings. It does so in an extremely well-crafted story. I read it wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

This would make an amazing movie.

I look forward to this writer's next novel.

I have never known anyone accused of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP), a specialized attempt to harm a child, nor have I known a child who has suffered Mitochondrial Disease. Maribeth Fischer took me into the life of one such family on Christmas Eve in the year 2000 in her book The Life You Longed For. The story of how the family, friends, acquaintances, state agencies, and courts treated a mother accused of intentionally harming her son, Jack, is told by that mother, Grace.

The book begins at the end of 2000 and continues through time of the destruction of the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001. The magnitude of destruction of the Twin Towers was used to mirror the destruction Grace faces. Both catastrophes were about terrorism, albeit different types. It took the total destruction of the Towers for the readers to empathize with the loss Grace experiences.

I loved this book for the knowledge it imparted, the empathy it evoked, and the light it shed on a topic with which I was unfamiliar. There were different factions involved, each was essentially in the right, but they worked at cross-purposes for the same goal, which was for the best interests of the child. Grace fought to keep custody of Jack while CPS litigated to keep Grace away. Both were divided by the best interests of Jack and this conflict created the novel's major theme of social justice. But is it social justice to protect a child from its mother? It depends on whether the mother is trying to harm her child, as in MSBP, or whether she is being very diligent in securing the best medical care for a child suffering from a rare genetic disorder.

In a stroke of genius, Maribeth Fischer compares the unjust accusations against Grace by her state to the Salem witch trials of 1692. These trials were based on fear, because "...the trials began with the unexplained illness of a child, and because over half of the indictments against witches involved the sickness or deaths of children." The effect of child-loss on this Salem community would have been terrifying. The community would put a name on its fear. Their fear and blame is given to an innocent woman. The thought was that now the community would be safe from her spells on children. It is horrible to think the equivalent of the Salem Witch Trials could happen in the year 2001. Fear of the unknown cause of Jack's illness betrays science, because it can not provide an answer, and ultimately betrays Grace.

This is also a love story of Stephen, her husband, and Grace played against Grace's adultery with Noah, her ex from twenty years ago. The secondary story line makes a nice juxtaposition of themes. This secondary theme connects to the main theme of Grace's trials and tribulations allowing the characters to incorporate today's moral code.

In the American judicial system a family should not have to live fearfully hoping not to have their children raided from their home. But if you want to know what this court decided to do about Jack and which side of love, Stephen or Noah, Grace should have chosen, you will have to read The Life You Longed For. Is Grace proved totally innocent or will her other children be at risk? How does Jack's family adjust to his death - or do they adjust?

Like the following excerpt on grief, there are not enough words to express all my feelings about this book. Still, there aren't enough words. Every grief as singular as a snowflake, no two ever exactly alike. ...none can describe even the most basic of things: A woman who has lost a spouse is a widow,...but what do we call a mother who has lost her child? (p 243). I had to take deep breaths in parts to continue reading, for Ms. Fischer's words resounded in my life as well.

The Life You Longed For is an awesome book for a book club because it has a good story and also teaches you a lot as you read it. Along side the exciting drama of a mom accused of making her child sick to gain attention, the author weaves in intriguing historical facts about the Salem witchcraft trials. She connects how the community of Salem accused women of being witches when it couldn't explain unfortunate events, like the death children, just as the mother in the story, Grace, is accused of causing harm when her son's illness baffles his doctors. The author also brings in tons of interesting facts about birds and diseases in general, as two of her main characters are an ornithologist and an epidemiologist. The research in the book makes you feel like you've learned something substantial by the end of it. The controversy the book presents makes for a great discussion.

Maribeth Fischer manages to accurately capture the conflicting and confusing emotions surrounding the terminal illness and death of a child. She portrays the impact of a mother's seemingly obsessive devotion to her ill child on her marriage and surviving children. She also reveals the very human nature of grief-the need to retreat to a haven unrelated to death, a place where for a few hours Grace, the mother, can be an ordinary woman. Fischer maintains the integrity of real life by realistically portraying the consequences of Grace's actions. She introduces dramatic tension by carefully exploring how a loving mother's determination to do everything possible for her dying child can be misconstrued, leading to a tragedy of nearly equal proportions to the child's death. Her rich use of metaphor makes the dark subject a joy to read.

Even though this book is a novel, its descriptions of heartbreak and grief are spot on. Healthcare providers, especially social service professionals, could gain valuable insight by reading Fischer's book.

A medical education, the impact of the Salem witchcraft trials on American lives, an analysis of the role of grief and pain in personal growth and creativity, and an analysis of the complexities of a love triangle where none of the players are bad guys - to some extent, you can find all of this, interwoven in a story well told, in MariBeth Fischer's The Life You Longed For. Fischer's novel focuses on a mother coping with the illness of her child - a little-known illness, even in the medical community, known as mitochrondial disease. Partially because of this lack of knowledge, the mother is eventually accused of an illness of her own - intentionally making her child sick to get attention for herself. This spins her into a web of frantic desperation and fear, especially since those making the accusations are the very ones she needs to depend on to help her child survive.

This book lends itself to so many levels of interpretation that they could (and probably will someday) keep a class discussion going for an entire year. Even the love affair, which at first I worried might lend too much of a "soap opera" air, adds dimension and proves essential to the overall plot. Throughout the book, the emphasis is on choices - how we make them, why we make them, the necessity of making them - and how all that relates to "the life you longed for."

Great book! I highly recommend it.

In her second novel, Maribeth Fischer, captures the essence and feeling of what it is to be a member of a modern day disfunctional family faced with a number of crises that would challange Job himself.
The life of Grace Connolly lies outside the normal range of social experience with its laundry list of bromide solutions. As a young woman, Grace suffers throught a series of emotionally raw experiences that no mother should ever have to face: a son's undiagnosed terminal illness, third party accusations about the real cause of the disease, charges of "Munchausen by Proxy", protective custody of her children by the State, estrangement from her caring but insensitive husband, and her happines and guilt in the arms of an old college lover.
Fischer is at her best when weaving the tale around and through the medical, legal and historical fabrics that bind the key elements of this page-turner together.

I was disappointed with this book. The protagonist was unlikeable (surprisingly, since she was the mother of a terminally ill child). The author equates Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy cases with the Salem witch trials, and apparently doesn't believe that there are any "real" cases. This is provocative, but disingenuous when there are actually cases where mothers have been secretly taped in hospital rooms doing things to make their children sick. Each section starts with a pretentious introduction written in italics which is apparently placed there to show how thoughtful and philosophical the author is, but comes off as pretentious and does little to move the story along.