Customer Reviews

Lifegivers: Framing the Birthparent Experience in Open Adoption

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Though Gritter is not a birthparent, he certainly empathizes with us in a way that most adoption workers or triad members do not. He's right on target with how it FEELS to be a birthparent: marginalized, feared, misunderstood, and sometimes, even shamed. The book should be required reading for all adoptive parents, so that they know that first parents are regular people, pretty much just like them.

My favorite part of the book comes at the end, with the simple list of ways adoptive parents can honor and respect their child's birthparents. My least favorite part is the description of grief; parts of that chapter didn't strike me quite right. I think Gritter should have relied more on the words of those of us who have actually gone through the grief.

But he did listen as he was writing the book: I was fortunate enough to read this book in manuscript, and offered my suggestions on how this book could be even more "true to life." Other birthparents did the same, making this, I think, an essentially reliable guide to our feelings and desires.

In the end, the message is simple: both sets of parents love and want what's best for the child. And when both types of parents work together in a true open adoption, beautiful things can happen.

As an adoptive mom in an fully open adoption, I probably will never be able to completely identify with my daughter's birthmom. I think it is so important, though, for me to understand as much as I can about how it is for her. There are not a lot of role models on how to help your child maintain a healthy and appropriate relationship with her birthmother, and this book gave me tools and insights to support all of us in this life-long relationship. I'm excited to give a copy to her, as well.

Gritter has been involved in US adoption since the dawn of time, both pre- and post-open. You can trust what he has to say about it. This book has been phenomenally helpful to me as an adoption worker, and to birth parents (lifegivers!) and adoptive parents alike. Should be required reading!

I bought this book two years ago after adopting my son. We have a fully open adoption and I was struggling with how to interact with my son's birthmother. I didn't want to compound her grief but I didn't want to ignore it either. Today my son is almost 3. I picked up this book again and read it the whole way through again. This book is a must read for adoptive parents who are trying to understand the birthparent experience.

This book is very informative, but as a Birthmother myself, I couldn't help but feel this book was more for those wishing to know more about Birth Parents. I highly suggest this book for social workers, and adoption professionals; also adoptive parents.

Still, I am glad I added this book to my collection; and will be adding more of Jim Gritter's book as well.