Customer Reviews

Life's That Way: A Memoir

5 star:		(87)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This book was edited from an email journal actor Jim Beaver (Deadwood, Supernatural, Harper's Island) wrote each night for a year in 2003-4 to keep family and friends informed about his wife Cecily's desperate fight against cancer, and after her loss, about how he and his very young daughter Maddie continued on with their lives. There is grief here, together with brutally raw and honest pain, anger, fear, helplessness, guilt, and despair - but there is also joy, laughter, and hope, and most of all, there is love: Jim's love for his wife and daughter, their love for him, and the amazing outpouring of love and help from family, friends, and even strangers who responded to Cecily's struggle and its impact on others.

For anyone dealing with love and loss, this book has hope to offer and lessons in life to teach, all without a word of preaching. If you've loved and lost someone - parent, spouse, child, friend, lover - you've felt what's in this book, and reading it might help bring you healing, if only by letting you know that you are not alone in what and how you feel and by giving you the means and words to talk about it. I'm watching my mother being stolen by Alzheimer's, and this book speaks to me even in the midst of ongoing loss. Read it, and take comfort.

A sweet, heartbreaking, inspiring, and yes funny, slice of life is recorded in the emails of Jim Beaver's Life's That Way. Early in the book, I realized that my preconceptions of the title and the subject were in error. Life's That Way isn't the passive equivalent of "life is like that" and there is nothing we can do. Life's That Way is pointing in a direction and making a conscious decision to not give up, to be anything but passive, and to run or walk and sometimes crawl toward Life again.

For anyone that has experienced an intimate loss, which is most of us, this will be an emotional reading. But the reward is Jim's honesty and bravery in reporting his feelings, feelings that sometimes as survivors we don't even want to admit having, but ultimately connect us through being human. The book is a lovely tribute to the tenacity of spirit of Cecily, Jim, and their daughter Madeline Rose.

Life's That Way: A Memoir

I thought this book would be sad,but i wasn't expecting the moving love story. It was the most beautifully written,love letter to his dear Pie. It was sad,but uplifting in that no matter how much we grief we still LOVE. It was a true tribute not only to her,but to their love.I know through this book his daughter will gain the greatest insight into what a beautiful woman his dear Pie really was.

It was also very heartfelt in how he dealt with not only the cancer but in being a single parent. I know any parent reading this book will understand the great love and fear he had for his daughter and in his ability to be the parent she deserved.

This book should be in everyone's home!

LIFE'S THAT WAY, by Jim Beaver

A Review

I confess to having some trouble figuring out how to write this review. Not because the book isn't remarkable - it is - but because I did not want to cheapen its import with a casual splash of words. This book means something to me. As a cancer survivor, I found it means more than I can easily express.

"Life's That Way" is, foremost of all, a love story and a testament to the human spirit. Jim Beaver does not portray his wife as a flawless woman, nor paint himself as a perfect man. Rather he says, look, we're all kinda screwy, but that's just a little dust on the furniture. Loving someone, that's what truly counts.

Jim's writing style is of such candid feeling that it gives the book a rare grace and readability. The immediacy of the narrative, however, is what struck me most. Presented here are emails and messages in present tense, things that happened now, today, not five years ago. Today Jim talked to Cecily's doctor, today Cecily got her MRI results, today Maddie asked why Daddy was cwying. I think this is what makes the book's reality so poignant.

It is why I read each entry on Cecily's illness as if following the battle of a friend, so immersed in the story that I forgot this is already done. It is certainly why, when Jim wrote of her death in the terse language of the utterly bereaved, I had to walk away. I had to put the book down and go wrap my mind around the finality of Cecily's loss, despite knowing that she is these five years gone.

When I resumed reading, it was an amazing voyage. Sometimes I felt like an invisible voyeur, that I shouldn't know this much about another's pain. But lest you think this is a tale of unremitting sadness, know this: it is not.

What shines throughout is the fierceness of Hope. Every time the darkness falls, every time tears hit like a monsoon storm, Jim picks himself up and goes on. Every step of Cecily's illness, Jim's hope burned unceasing. He speaks with awe of the support of friends, and does not concede the fight for an instant. Even in his darkest days, he reminds us that we're all just human beings. Contrary to the movies, we do not suffer nobly and sometimes we're just plain petty. But it's okay, because if you love, really love someone, you can make the little stuff just not matter.

After Cecily's death, Jim is a man at Ground Zero of heartache, the smoke and ash of his dreams all around him. But as his brother-friend, Tom Allard reminds him, "Life's that way." Not in tones of fatalism or inevitability, but as a form of direction: Life's that way. Go. Find it. It's still out there.

And it is. Where Jim finds life is an ongoing saga of little, everyday miracles. Maddie's growth and development. Friends who help. Family who cares. Gifts of chance and gifts of love, deeds of caring and deeds of practicality, (a theater troupe helps Jim move into his and Cecily's new home) and random acts of kindness from so many loving hearts. Somewhere along the line, it dawned on me that Jim and Maddie are two of the most blessed people on earth.

Life's that way. It's not in a casket or a picture frame draped in black. Life's in the hearts of loved ones, in the eyes of Jim's little girl, in the words he wrote so faithfully, chronicling his journey through the Valley of Shadow. In this book, Jim Beaver unflinchingly bares his humanity for all of us to see, and from this, I take a very important lesson. We need not be so strong we never break. We need not be so brave we never weep. We need not aspire to such perfect selflessness that we must condemn our moments of human frailty.

If we must suffer, if we must grieve ... just remember. Life's that way - there, where love resides.

~ G. M. "Erin" Atwater

[...]

P.S.

For the budget conscious, there is now a paperback version! :-)

Jim Beaver's book, "Life's That Way," came out on April 16th. This book is his memoir, a poignant compilation of the almost nightly emails chronicling his wife's battle with cancer, their hopes and fears for their daughter who had just been diagnosed with autism and the condition of his father and brother-in-law who were also in battles for their lives. While these emails began as a utilitarian method of communicating the daily news and travails of their family, they morphed into so much more. They became therapeutic for him as well as the nearly 4000 people who eventually were reading about this journey.

The easy path would have been to give into the despair, rage at the world for its injustices, and withdraw....but he slowly worked his way down the hardest path of his life choosing even in his darkest moments to live each day as best he could; some days that was in tears, other days it was with a smile. In the weeks and months following Cecily's passing and the raising of Maddie as a widowed father, Jim continued to find strength and motivation in his writing of the nightly letter to friends and loved ones. He writes candidly with acceptance, compassion, and humor about his progression from being consumed by sadness and grief to being able once again to truly live life.

The book is not an easy read. I cried many a time over various entries, but I laughed too, and it is undoubtedly the best book I have read in years. He has an innate way of finding the genuineness in even the most desolate times and moving hearts by sharing his. It is a deeply poignant, extremely inspirational story of discovering courage in the face of astonishing and tragic loss, holding onto love in the face of fear, and an absolute refusal to live in self-pity and anger even though those feelings were almost constant companions.

Anyone who has been in his shoes and felt the weight of overwhelming emotion or been in a situation comprised of seemingly overwhelming odds can find much inspiration in his words. There is no magic panacea to be found here, but it will help because it's just honest and loving and genuine in its telling of the fact that "Life's That Way' and it's waiting for us to reach out and head toward it.

If I'd never heard of Jim Beaver, never 'known' Bobby Singer, never watched him in any TV Show, I would admire this man simply for the story he's shared in this book.

The book jacket calls this a memoir. It is so much more than a memoir; to me, a memoir is a story that looks back on an experience in a person's life. It encompasses the lessons learned and the balance achieved after one has survived. Jim's story is told very much in the now. He wrote nightly emails to family and friends--who passed them on to other friends--almost every night for a year.

As you read this story, you are swept up in the events as they happened to Jim and his family. It is extraordinary. I've never read a book quite like it. I tend to stay away from non-fiction, preferring the escapism of fiction as I feel my life contains enough real-world drama. And I will admit that the reason I picked this book up was because of Bobby.

But I have since recommended the book to my book club--all but one of whom have no idea who Bobby Singer is--and to anyone else I can. Because I believe that anyone can read this book and walk away with a different perspective on their life. Regardless of if you've experienced the loss of a loved one, or had a challenging diagnosis of your child--Jim's story transcends those details.

It's a love story, really. Love of self, love of selflessness, love of humanity, love of a mate, love of a parent, love of a child. It's honest and raw and it hurts to read and I couldn't put it down. When I saw the title, I interpreted it to mean that's just how things are. But when you read the book, you realize it's a compass. Move forward, keeping going, life is that way.

I am married to an amazing man. He's my friend, my lover, my greatest source of strength and my greatest source of frustration. This June we will have been married 8 years. We've been through serious health scares, surgeries, debt, loss of loved ones, the birth of a child, change of careers, and the seven-year-itch.

As I read this book, though, I found myself wondering if my husband and I knew each other as well as Cecily and Jim. At one point in the story, Jim's entire entry is a laundry list of things that Cecily loved. There are 73 items in the list. And it's basic, and it's beautiful, and it made me think about my guy. And wonder if I could list 73 things that he likes. And if I'd be right.

Jim's unexpected, quick phrases sucked the air from the room and had my heartbeat echoing in my ears as I applied his passion to my own life and came up short. His simple, eloquent wording struck a chord in me that is still playing loud and strong days after I've finished this story of a piece of his life.

Sometimes, in a moment of instinctive protection, I don't allow myself to truly feel all that a moment in time allows for. I curl in and let the emotions bounce off of me so that I can keep moving forward. But I realize that by doing this, I've missed out on the good parts of such a moment as well as the bad.

And therefore, it's harder to remember the moment in it's entirety. And there are some moments, however painful, however ugly, however dreaded, that need to be remembered and savored and learned from and appreciated. Because that's how we grow. That's how we learn.

Each night we are privy to Jim's thoughts, emotions, anger, sadness, glory, humility, and joy. He writes with unabashed honesty as he travels the path of his wife's disease, going from frightened spouse to single parent and letting us know that above all, there is goodness in the world. Despite the darkness that settled on their little family, there was light all around them and it sustained him and he was able to continue on because of it.

I guarantee you that if choose to read this story, if you choose to travel this journey, you will emerge on the other side with your world brighter. You may cry, you may rub at your aching heart, you may even want to put it down half-way through because you just can't take any more... but when you finish this year with Jim, you will know that humanity is one of the greatest things on this earth because of it's capacity to give and it's need to take and it's fortitude to fight through the darkest times of life.

I'm off to make a list of things my guy loves... see how many I can get...

Jim Beaver's Life's That Way is the most sincere account about the battle with cancer I've ever read. The book is a collection of e-mails Jim sent daily to family and friends about his wife's struggle with stage IV lung cancer. For most people who have experienced the disease this is indeed a painful read, but it also offers hope and reasons to smile. When Cecily was diagnosed, an unbelievable number of family members and friends offered to help in any way they could, making Cecily, Jim, and their little Maddie feel a little less alone in their fight.

Jim is honest in relating his thoughts and emotions. Reading about his anger, resentment at the unfairness of the disease, and profound fear makes it easier for people to accept these feelings when they experience them themselves.

This is a touching, heart-breaking book everyone should read. Not only because almost everyone knows someone who had cancer or even had it themselves, but because it can teach us about our own strength and courage when they're needed, and that human kindness and selflessness has no limits.

I'm normally a pretty cold-hearted person, but this beautiful and honest look inside Jim Beaver's life pushed me to tears; both of sadness and joy. Anyone who has been touched by cancer or some other tragedy will relate to a lot of things in this book - the fear, the courage, the determination, the joy, and the heartbreak.

I was so struck by how honest Jim was with his feelings and how beautifully written these notes to family and friends were. I felt like I knew the people he wrote about because he welcomed the readers into his circle. And what a circle! Hollywood is often portrayed as a cold place, but Jim was shown another side to it once Cecily was diagnosed.

Do yourself a favor and read this book. The complex feelings surrounding the events of that year are easy to read in that everything flows so well, but at the same time, it's one of the hardest things you'll ever peruse. I was a fan of Jim's and Cecily's before the book and now I feel almost like a part of the family.

Most people know Jim Beaver from his tv appearances on "Deadwood: The Complete Seasons 1-3", as the beloved Whitney Ellsworth, or as Bobby Singer, the surrogate father figure to the brothers Winchester on Supernatural - The Complete Third Season-he's also guest starred on series ranging from "the X Files" to "3rd Rock From the Sun" to "The Young and the Restless", and is currently starring in the new CBS murder mystery "Harper's Island".

What most people don't know is that a few short years ago, Mr Beaver and his wife, actress and casting director Cecily Adams went from the highest of highs- successfully having a baby after difficult fertility treatments- to the lowest of lows- learning that same little girl was autistic and then the crushing news of Cecily's diagnosis of Stage IV lung cancer.

Mr Beaver created a real time e-mail journal, astoundingly honest and straightforward and at times painful in it's intimacy yet always with a lining of humor to soften the blows that just kept coming to this small loving family. These emails were originally for friends and family to follow Cecily's treatment, but as often happens with inspiring emails, people forwarded them on. And on, and on. Over 4,000 people ended up reading the regular updates on the news going on with Jim, Cecily and her cancer battle, and their daughter Maddie's struggle and ultimate success over her autism diagnosis.

Real life stories don't always have happy endings- and stories involving advanced cancer have them even less frequently- but this isn't a sob story, or a story that makes you sit back and think "thank god that's not my life". It makes you appreciate the people you do have in your life, and wonder about the ones that used to be and it makes you marvel at the unexpected kindness of people as a whole- the same people as a whole that we all too often write off as 'selfish' and 'uncaring'. The truth of the matter appears to be that we're wrong. They're not all like that. And the meaning of the title "Life's That Way"- more a navigational direction than a simple folksy observation, will leave you thinking how it can apply to your life. There are some small anecdotes from the sets of different shows, comments by or about actors people will be familiar with, but more than that is the sense that actors- or at least Jim and Cecily, are regular people just like everyone else. It is their love and their life and their daughter that makes them extraordinary.

This book has opened my eyes to the grieving process and has encouraged me to speak to family and friends about the loss of my grandmother. His words are so powerful and real... One can't help but relate to his feelings, mistakes, worries, and fears when reading this book. In this book, Mr. Beaver has been able to make me grieve and mourn the loss of someone I did not have the pleasure of meeting, a most difficult task for any author. To anyone who has lost a loved one, or anyone who may be lucky enough to have never felt that kind of pain, I strongly suggest picking up this book. I read it in a day and consider my life changed because of it.