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A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother [Paperback]

Rachel Cusk
3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)

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Book Description

March 1, 2003 0312311303 978-0312311308 First edition.
The experience of motherhood is an experience in contradiction. It is commonplace and it is impossible to imagine. It is prosaic and it is mysterious. It is at once banal, bizarre, compelling, tedious, comic, and catastrophic. To become a mother is to become the chief actor in a drama of human existence to which no one turns up. It is the process by which an ordinary life is transformed unseen into a story of strange and powerful passions, of love and servitude, of confinement and compassion.

In a book that is touching, hilarious, provocative, and profoundly insightful, novelist Rachel Cusk attempts to tell something of an old story set in a new era of sexual equality. Cusk’s account of a year of modern motherhood becomes many stories: a farewell to freedom, sleep, and time; a lesson in humility and hard work; a journey to the roots of love; a meditation on madness and mortality; and most of all a sentimental education in babies, books, toddler groups, bad advice, crying, breastfeeding, and never being alone.

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Taking an unsentimental approach to one of the most dramatic changes in a woman's life, British novelist Cusk (The Country Life) dissects the process of new motherhood from a psychological and emotional perspective. Now the mother of two, Cusk found the early weeks and months with a dependent newborn far from idyllic and rewarding, and her description of that time fills in the gaps left by most pregnancy and child-rearing books. Her dry, honest style is a refreshing change for anyone seeking to understand the daily realities of undertaking such an enormous responsibility. Despite a tone that is at times bleak and foreboding, Cusk perfectly captures the inherent conflict between the pleasures known before baby and those that the baby brings, noting, for example, "it is when the baby sleeps that I liaise, as if it were a lover, with my former life," but "sometimes I miss the baby and lie beside her cot while she sleeps." Cusk details her struggles with the major tasks all new mothers face, like feeding and sleep, and she addresses the challenge not only to do what is best for the baby, but also to maintain a sense of self and autonomy in the face of such constant, overwhelming need. Although not a cheerful baby shower gift book, Cusk's brutal honesty will certainly be appreciated by many new moms, assuring them they are not alone. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Library Journal

"If at any point in my life I had been able to find out what the future held, I would always have wanted to know whether or not I would have children," writes Cusk, an award-winning British novelist, in her nonfiction debut. The clarity of her writing matches its depth of content, as Cusk endeavors to discover what it means to be a parent. Ultimately, what Cusk offers is an expos‚ of motherhood that extracts its myths and reworks them into personal truths. She reexamines the teachings of traditional child rearing books to find that their once relevant answers are now outdated and only served to increase her feelings of inadequacy as a mother. Perhaps the most valuable aspect of this book is its accessibility, allowing mothers from all situations and backgrounds to unite in understanding. Recommended for all public libraries.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 228 pages
  • Publisher: Picador; First edition. edition (March 1, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0312311303
  • ISBN-13: 978-0312311308
  • Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.5 x 8.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (38 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #332,581 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

The best book on new motherhood I've read! Karen Zukor  |  9 reviewers made a similar statement
I highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever thought about having a baby. Lilac Lily  |  4 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
27 of 31 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Honest and Not For The Faint-of-Heart October 3, 2005
Format:Paperback
I spent a long time reading and re-reading Cusk's introduction. In fact, I spent a whole lot more time with the introduction than the rest of the book. [There was much in the book proper that didn't resonate, though through and through I admired her brave straightforwardness.] This said, the introduction spoke to me in no uncertain terms, and it was quite a relief to find someone who could so eloquently express some of the feelings and changes that I, and presumably others -- though perhaps not the majority -- experienced after the birth of my two children.

Unlike Cusk, never did I mull at length over the question of "having children" nor did I view it as anything other than something exciting - something that would enhance my life, my story so to speak. So what was it about this book, even over Lammott's "Operating Instructions", that I found validating? Just this: the fact that precisely because she had a child, her "appetite" for living - for wanting to live - was "insatiable". And even though in the same breath she also delves into her loss of freedom(s), I'm happy to set that aside for now.

In her marvelous introduction she states three truths that I find incontrovertible: 1) "A day spent at home caring for a child could not be more different from a day spent working in an office. Whatever their relative merits, they are days spent on opposite sides of the world." 2) "Another person has existed in her, and after their birth they live within the jurisdiction of her consciousness. When she is with them she is not herself; when she is without them she is not herself; and so it is as difficult to leave your children as it is to stay with them." And, above all, 3) "My experience of reading, indeed of culture, was profoundly changed by having a child, in the sense that I found the concept of art and expression far more involving and necessary, far more human in its drive to bring forth and create, than I once did." It is, overwhelmingly, her third experience - that from having children the desire to do, to contribute, and to create -- in whatever form, increases dramatically, and not the reverse, not the mother-subverts-desires-and-needs-to-all-ruling child. The cost of this book was covered just by reading the first ten pages. It was a sanctuary.

Even if you dislike her perspective, it's worth a read precisely because Cusk makes you think and the prose simple and elegant. I think I'd advise others to try to get through it a) before the baby arrives (it's pretty dense at times, though other reviewers disagree) or b) if you have a colicky one and think you might lose your mind or have lost it. She more than ably captures the lesser discussed ways that the birth of a child can impact and change not just a mother, but a woman.
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17 of 19 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, a book about motherhood that rings true March 19, 2002
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
I couldn't wait to read this book because 1) I really enjoy Rachel Cusk's novels and 2) I had just become a new mother.

I was not disappointed--Rachel tells it like it is. She talks about all the difficult and ambivalent feelings of becoming a mother that most of us have kept to ourselves.

The regret and the irrationality, the pride and protectiveness, the "out of body" experience that nobody can prepare you for--Rachel describes it all. With a great sense of humor and humanity, this book helped me make sense of my own experience of new motherhood.

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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An insightful, sometimes hilarious account September 25, 2003
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
Rachel Cusk's A Life's Work is an insightful, honest, and sometimes hilarious account of pregnancy and early motherhood. The author tells the story of her own metamorphosis from independent entity to "motherbaby" unit in rough chronological order: from the alarmist literature of pregnancy, which "bristles with threats and the promise of reprisal" for expectant mothers who violate dietary prescriptions; to the propaganda of natural childbirth advocates ("Some women find birth the most intensely pleasurable experience of their lives"), those souls who maintain that a procedure akin to, say, squeezing a cantaloupe out of one's anus can be rendered nearly pain-free, indeed "pleasurable", by the simple adoption of an embarrassing breathing technique; to a mother's shocking, sudden immersion into an alien world of sleeplessness and isolation. (The immediacy of the metamorphosis is brought home to the author soon after she delivers her daughter by caesarian: "Do you want to try putting her to the breast? the midwife enquires as I am wheeled from the operating theatre. I look at her as if she has just asked me to make her a cup of tea, or tidy up the room a bit. I still inhabit that other world in which, after operations, people are pitied and looked after and left to recuperate." )

Cusk's account is a quick read, her prose very often elegant. She hits a number of nails squarely on the head--in her descriptions of the constant demands made on breastfeeding mothers, for example, or the drama and tension inherent in bringing a baby out into the public, or one's cautious anticipation of freedom when it looks like the kid may finally sleep. She talks about the parents' eventual containment in a single, safe room once the baby changes "from rucksack to escaped zoo animal," an alteration in lifestyle that expectant parents, reading the standard parenting books, would not likely anticipate. Cusk describes, perfectly, the "mess and endemic domestic chaos" of a child-occupied house, "which no amount of work appears to eradicate." And she details for the non-parent, wont to lie in of a Saturday morning, what weekends are like for parents: "What the outside world refers to as 'the weekend' is a round trip to the ninth circle of hell for parents.... You are woken on a Saturday morning at six or seven o'clock by people getting into your bed. They cry or shout loudly in your ear. They kick you in the stomach, in the face."

Cusk is at her best when describing parenthood in scenes such as the above. Less successful are the more philosophical passages of the book (the female is "a world steeped in its own mild, voluntary oppression, a world at whose fringes one may find intersections to the real: to particular kinds of unhappiness, or discrimination, or fear, or to a whole realm of existence both past and present that grows more individuated and indeterminate and inarticulatable as time goes by") and the strange inclusion and discussion of parenthood-related literary passages culled, for example, from Jane Eyre and Edith Wharton's The House of Mirth.

A lot of people could benefit from reading Cusk's account. New mothers will find solace, perhaps, in its pages, validation of their own feelings of isolation and resentment. Working fathers ought to read it, so they can better understand the complaints of their shut-in wives, for whom "work is considered an easy, attractive option." And the childless friends of parents will find the book a highly readable explanation of what is happening in their friends' lives.

Reviewed by Debra Hamel, author of Trying Neaira: The True Story of a Courtesan's Scandalous Life in Ancient Greece
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars On becoming a mother
A very well researched and heartbreakingly honest book about the author's first experience of motherhood. Not an easy read particularly, but will strike a chord with many new moms.
Published 5 months ago by vanessa patricia lancaster
1.0 out of 5 stars Poor concept
From what I gathered in the details Cusk gave about writing this book, she uprooted her entire family specifically to write this book. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Shawna Ross
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderfully honest and intelligent
I absolutely love this book, and have read several books by this author because of it. I thought it was so honest and intelligent. Read more
Published 12 months ago by meganisamama
2.0 out of 5 stars Catholic girl goes bad
Teaser review of Aftermath, sequel to A Life's Work (out August)

Everyone says she writes like an angel. Read more
Published 14 months ago by Simon G. Barrett
3.0 out of 5 stars An Interesting View of the Frustrations of Motherhood
Cusk is a good writer, and I know that many mothers have found her account of the downside of motherhood to be comforting--just as I did. Read more
Published 19 months ago by Donna Hill
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant
This is the only book I've ever read that I can connect to on this topic. Brilliant, unsentimental, powerful. I'm so glad it exists.
Published 23 months ago by R. Leece
5.0 out of 5 stars Cusk is a genius.
It's that simple. Her memoir about motherhood is what fans would expect from her: unflinching, poetic, hilarious, harrowing. I highly recommend this to all mothers... Read more
Published on September 6, 2010 by Gentle Reader
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful account of the author's transition into motherhood,...
I found this to be an unbelievably honest chronicle of one woman's ambivalance regarding her journey into the world of motherhood and all that it entails. Read more
Published on August 21, 2010 by Angela
5.0 out of 5 stars Entertaining Reality Check
This book is a great read. As someone who's contemplating starting a family soon, it was refreshing to hear an account of pregnancy and early motherhood that seems like reality. Read more
Published on October 15, 2009 by Sarah May
4.0 out of 5 stars time going round in circles
A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother is Rachel Cusk's fourth book. My favorite line, because of the unwritten premise, comes in the Introduction, where she writes, "... Read more
Published on November 9, 2008 by cynthia newberry martin
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