Lifescripts for Family and Friends : What to Say in 101 of Life's Most Troubling and Uncomfortable Situations [Paperback]

Eric Kolbell (Author), Stephen M. Pollan (Editor), Mark Levine (Editor)

Book Description

Series: Lifescripts | Publication Date: January 2, 2002

"Mom, Dad, we have to talk..."

For all the times you're confronted with a complex or painful situation with someone close to you, here's the book that tells you exactly what to say and how to say it. And it will help you navigate smoothly through what could be an extremely stressful talk.

Using the same tested formula from the bestselling Lifescripts, and organized into five sections -- Parents, Siblings, Children, Spouses, and Friends -- each of these 101 scripts includes a dialogue flowchart and a list of topics that touch on your attitude, timing, preparation, and behavior. Whether you're asking your parent for a loan, confronting your brother about his drinking problem, turning down a child's request, asking your spouse for a divorce or separation, discussing funeral planning with a parent, or bringing up your sibling's bad manners, this book will give you everything you need to say...and help keep the peace in the family.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Ever had to turn down a friend for a loan? Ask your teen about birth control? Suggest to your dad it's time to stop driving? No one likes these discussions. They have ways of spiraling out of control until the original subject matter has completely evaporated. Happily, Erik Kolbell has come to our rescue with Lifescripts, a book devoted to simple flow charts detailing how to handle these difficult conversations.

Divided into chapters based on relationships, you can easily flip to the proper section: friends, parents, children, siblings, or spouse. Within each chapter is a series of situations with probable samples of the dialog that is likely to result. Is Dad worried he'll be stuck at home when he stops driving? Reassure him with suggestions on alternative transport. Daughter too embarrassed to talk about her sex life? Gently insist on an appointment with a health-care professional to get matters resolved. Each situation includes a short description of strategy and tactics. In every case, it pays to remember that these conversations are not about blowing off steam, but rather accomplishing a very specific goal.

Put this book on an easily accessible shelf. That way you'll know right where to find it when another of life's little surprises heads your way. --Jill Lightner

About the Author

Erik Kolbell is an ordained minister and practicing psychotherapist in New York City. The co-author of three books, he has also written for The New York Times.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 480 pages
• Publisher: Pocket Books (January 2, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0743400607
• ISBN-13: 978-0743400602
• Product Dimensions: 1 x 6.5 x 9.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #694,810 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars WORDS OF WISDOM WHEN YOU MOST NEED THEM!, January 24, 2002

By 

Sandra D. Peters "Seagull Books" (Prince Edward Island, Canada) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Lifescripts for Family and Friends : What to Say in 101 of Life's Most Troubling and Uncomfortable Situations (Paperback)

Most of us have been in that embarrassing situation when the brain shifts into high gear but, as we respond to a comment, the words simply do not come from within. Or, even worse, the words we utter come out sounding like the most unintelligient remark ever spoken on the face of the Earth! There is nothing so memorable as "putting your foot in your mouth" and having it get jammed in there.

This book is written for all those awkward situations when you do no know what to say. One question I am asked often as a counsellor is, "What do you say to one is dying from a terminal illness?" You carry on the same conversation with them as you would at any other time without, of course, making reference to things you might plan to do together in the long-term future. However, individuals by human nature will often make comments such as, "I hope you are better soon" without thinking of the reality that, short of a miracle, it is not going to happen.

There are 101 different scenarios contained in this book and Kolbell shows us how to handle ourselves accordingly when faced with a variety of difficult situations. Even if we remember half of what we read, we will still be able to save face and dignity in the most troubling of times and circumstances.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A helpful book, January 24, 2002

By A Customer

This review is from: Lifescripts for Family and Friends : What to Say in 101 of Life's Most Troubling and Uncomfortable Situations (Paperback)

Most people will find themselves in at least a couple of the situations described in this book and for each one there is a valuable suggestion about how to deal with it. Just being reminded that you should address an issue head on rather than avoiding it made the book worthwhile for me. The suggested scripts provide a good starting point for thinking about how to handle any of the situations discussed.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

2.0 out of 5 stars Lifescripts for the Country Club Set or Liars&Manipulators ONLY, June 22, 2007

By 

a reader (Dallas, TX USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Lifescripts for Family and Friends : What to Say in 101 of Life's Most Troubling and Uncomfortable Situations (Paperback)

I thought the idea of this book sounded really helpful, and checked it out from the library. I'm very glad I didn't spend money on this book, because I was very disappointed, for two reasons.

For one thing, this book assumes that you have a lot of money. 'Scripts' include telling someone who you think needs to lose weight that you are worried about their health, and offering to pay for them to see a nutritionist. Now, I haven't seen a dietitian/nutritionist for ten years, but when I did go ten years ago, it cost me $350 for a 30 minute session to make up a personal diet plan. Remember, that's what it cost ten years ago! I couldn't afford to pay that for every family member and friend I have whose health I'm concerned about! Also, it advises offering to send an adult child to 'financial counseling' and the like. The book also assumes you are well-connected and have lots of names to drop. "I think you need to see a counselor. Let me give you a few names of some therapists I recommend." What kind of person has a *list* of therapists at hand? Or names of lawyers to recommend? This book is obviously geared toward the more wealthy. The information is useless for the majority of us in the real world.

Also, I found it very disturbing that the author Erik Kolbell, an "ordained minister", advocates "using a little white lie if you have to" to get someone to do what you want. For instance, when talking to someone about their weight or bad hygiene, always refer to the two of you having the problem, and address "tackling it together" even if you don't have this issue. Also he mentions making up information to convince your family member/friend to your point of view. I find this rather alarming advice from a religious authority. I also find it personally useless information, since I don't lie well. Just can't do it, and so this information is of no help to me either.

I'd love to learn to "be forthright with one another, to say what needs to be said instead of just what wants to be heard, and to do so in a way that conveys compassion rather than judgment" like the introduction says, but sadly, the book shows you how to throw money and prestige around, and then lie and manipulate. Not at all what I was looking for. A shame.