Customer Reviews

Lifescripts for Family and Friends : What to Say in 101 of Life's Most Troubling and Uncomfortable Situations

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Most of us have been in that embarrassing situation when the brain shifts into high gear but, as we respond to a comment, the words simply do not come from within. Or, even worse, the words we utter come out sounding like the most unintelligient remark ever spoken on the face of the Earth! There is nothing so memorable as "putting your foot in your mouth" and having it get jammed in there.

This book is written for all those awkward situations when you do no know what to say. One question I am asked often as a counsellor is, "What do you say to one is dying from a terminal illness?" You carry on the same conversation with them as you would at any other time without, of course, making reference to things you might plan to do together in the long-term future. However, individuals by human nature will often make comments such as, "I hope you are better soon" without thinking of the reality that, short of a miracle, it is not going to happen.

There are 101 different scenarios contained in this book and Kolbell shows us how to handle ourselves accordingly when faced with a variety of difficult situations. Even if we remember half of what we read, we will still be able to save face and dignity in the most troubling of times and circumstances.

Most people will find themselves in at least a couple of the situations described in this book and for each one there is a valuable suggestion about how to deal with it. Just being reminded that you should address an issue head on rather than avoiding it made the book worthwhile for me. The suggested scripts provide a good starting point for thinking about how to handle any of the situations discussed.

I thought the idea of this book sounded really helpful, and checked it out from the library. I'm very glad I didn't spend money on this book, because I was very disappointed, for two reasons.

For one thing, this book assumes that you have a lot of money. 'Scripts' include telling someone who you think needs to lose weight that you are worried about their health, and offering to pay for them to see a nutritionist. Now, I haven't seen a dietitian/nutritionist for ten years, but when I did go ten years ago, it cost me $350 for a 30 minute session to make up a personal diet plan. Remember, that's what it cost ten years ago! I couldn't afford to pay that for every family member and friend I have whose health I'm concerned about! Also, it advises offering to send an adult child to 'financial counseling' and the like. The book also assumes you are well-connected and have lots of names to drop. "I think you need to see a counselor. Let me give you a few names of some therapists I recommend." What kind of person has a *list* of therapists at hand? Or names of lawyers to recommend? This book is obviously geared toward the more wealthy. The information is useless for the majority of us in the real world.

Also, I found it very disturbing that the author Erik Kolbell, an "ordained minister", advocates "using a little white lie if you have to" to get someone to do what you want. For instance, when talking to someone about their weight or bad hygiene, always refer to the two of you having the problem, and address "tackling it together" even if you don't have this issue. Also he mentions making up information to convince your family member/friend to your point of view. I find this rather alarming advice from a religious authority. I also find it personally useless information, since I don't lie well. Just can't do it, and so this information is of no help to me either.

I'd love to learn to "be forthright with one another, to say what needs to be said instead of just what wants to be heard, and to do so in a way that conveys compassion rather than judgment" like the introduction says, but sadly, the book shows you how to throw money and prestige around, and then lie and manipulate. Not at all what I was looking for. A shame.

This is one of those books you hear people saying they or someone should write a book about that. And it's a good book, this will help families especially with age diversity, toddlers through teenagers with single or both parents. I don't want to give away any examples here as that would be an unkosher spoiling of this book, we all run into odd situations that are more than touchy, this book is so real on the solutions I am thinking about reading it over. Its good, get it to educate yourself in advance if you don't have a family and for your current relationships. A good book that also helps and is a fun read, SB 1 by Karl Mark Maddox.

I saw an interview with this author and was very excited to get this book. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with both the content and the layout of the book. The idea behind the book is wonderful, but the layout is too scattered to navigate thru and the content is a little lacking. I really wanted to love and use this book.