Customer Reviews

The Light Within: The Extraordinary Friendship of a Doctor and Patient Brought Together by Cancer

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It seems odd to read a memoir by someone you know, describing events to which you were something of a witness, but I found my friend Lois Ramondetta's newly published book, The Light Within, to be a great read and a moving account of her friendship with co-author Deborah Rose Sills that began when Sills was a patient at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston and ended with Sills' death from ovarian cancer in 2006. Lois is a Gynecological Oncologist and met Sills in 1998 when Lois was a newbie cancer doctor at M. D. Anderson. The book weaves together a number of threads and discusses cancer and its treatment from the perspective of both patient and physician, alternating passages written by Lois with passages written or dictated by Deb. It's also an account of the personal lives of the two women and describes how their growing relationship enriched both of those lives. Highly recommended.

As a physician in this area, I was deeply moved by this book. I urge all cancer physicians to read it. The depth of thought and emotion from the authors are compelling. I would urge anyone battling a cancer to read it. It will help explain the uncertainty, fear and concerns one has while fighting a disease. It also reaches deep into why we live and love. It is uplifting and sad at the same time. The authors are congratulated on sharing such a personal experience for others to benefit from.

This book is an extraordinary account of a deep friendship between a terminal cancer patient and a surgeon - the sort of thing that "is not supposed to happen." The physician allows her empathy for the dying patient to blossom into a full-blown, outside-of-the-hospital friendship including international travel together, and culminating in the writing of this book. The patient, a professor of comparative religion, maintains her zest for life and outgoing personality until the disease gets the best of her. The physician, having an undergraduate degree in comparative religion, is taken in by deep conversations and the importance of living in the present insisted on by the patient. The two form a poignant picture of caring friends, interrupted only by the disease itself. Quite a story! One of those "can't put it down" books.

I purchased this for my Kindle after reading a reference to it in an AMAevoice email. Being a nurse and a nurse with many physician friends it intrigued me. Weeks after the book was delivered and waiting to be read I was diagnosed with cancer. I hesitated, should I read it now or after my surgery, after my radiation? I began to read, secure in the knowledge that if it became too painful I could always stop. I am so thankful I read it....it has become and will be an inspiration to me not only as a cancer patient, but as a nurse and as a friend.
I am thankful that these two wonderful women shared their friendship with the world, their joys, their sorrows, their dreams. Deb lives on thanks to the written word and in the hearts of those of us who have read this book. Dr. Lois I hope that you are able to pass on your legacy of compassion and caring to your students, interns and residents the medical profession is in need of more physicians like you.....thank you.

I connected to this book on so many levels...as a breast cancer survivor; a caregiver/support person for many friends and relatives with cancer; and a former MD Anderson employee with a special interest in the complexity of physician-patient communications and relationships. It's quite remarkable that Dr. Ramondetta was able to step beyond the traditional "limitations" of her role as a cancer doctor, in order to develop such a deep and enduring relationship with her patient Deb. Clearly, both their lives were the better for having met each other. How inspiring it must have been for Deb to know that her cancer diagnosis created the opportunity to have such a wonderful relationship.

I hope everyone who has or will encounter Cancer World (that means all of us, eventually) has a chance to read this book. Kudos to Dr. Ramondetta and Deb for taking the time and spending the emotional energy to create this wonderful legacy and testament to the power of love and friendship.

I have to admit that I initially became interested in this book because one of the authors, Lois Ramondetta, had been a good friend of mine in high school back in the mid-1980s (we had since lost touch). But given that I am also a psychologist who frequently works with bereaved clients, Ramondetta's collaboration with her patient and friend, Deborah Sills, had additional interest for me as well.

In this memoir, Ramondetta, a gynecologic oncologist, and Sills write about their unique friendship which developed as a direct result of Sills' Stage 3 ovarian cancer diagnosis. The two women each speak in their own voice, and so they take turns sharing events as they remember them, from their initial meeting--which was less than friendly--to their gradually blossoming friendship. Ramondetta describes her preliminary reluctance about crossing doctor-patient boundaries, whereas Sills talks about the freedom of having a friend who does not expect her to know and to be the "before" Deb. In some ways, this story seems to be more Ramondetta's, as her passages are more lengthy and numerous than those contributed by Sills, perhaps because the latter was obviously becoming more and more ill over the course of writing the book. However, Sills still has plenty to offer; as a professor of religion, she provides truly in-depth, thought-provoking commentary on her experience as a patient, mother, wife, and friend.

Given Sills' terminal illness, there are clearly sad elements to this story. And yet, overall, it is not a depressing book, but one filled with joy and with hope. I think this book is a must-read for all oncologists and oncology patients, but I feel that it also has wide-ranging appeal, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to others.

Other reviewers have shared the story. A courageous, smart, charismatic woman befriends her doctor. Both grow from the friendship. In some ways, they're like two special friends anywhere. But they can never escape the circumstances that brought them together and continue to frame the relationship.

Deb seemed to be lucky in many ways, given the horror of her diagnosis. She had a strong, supportive husband. Her insurance apparently paid for treatment at a cancer center. She had time and money to travel there. And she had a personal strength possessed by few.

While most of the medical staff seemed to be well-meaning and competent, I was appalled by some of the cruel, callous episodes Deb reports matter of factly.

First, a team of nurses keeps trying to find a vein for a special needle. They keep sticking her for three hours until she finally walks out. Her oncologist finds the vein in seconds, on the first try. When Deb returns, the nurses are totally indifferent to her welfare. They just want her to sign a release. Deb responds with some juicy 4-letter words. I was cheering for her and I wish she hadn't apologized. Why didn't the nurses apologize for their incompetence? Why didn't she report them to the hospital Board?

Second, Deb describes feeling violated when 3 male physicians hold her down and put in a tube to diagnose her kidney problem. It doesn't matter, she tells a "nice" nurse. She's dying. Why didn't the nurse remind her of her option to refuse the test? Why does Deb question her own use of the word "violate?" Overused, perhaps, but justified in this case.

Finally, when Deb refuses a medication, the nurse asks her about her belief in the afterlife. Soon the nurse preaches her own version of Christian doctrine to this Jewish patient who ironically is a professor of comparative religion. The nurse seems to be using her patient to deal with her own issues and I believe she should have been reported for unprofessional conduct.

Of course, as Deb says, she's often too tired to protest. She tries to be civil. Her story shows there's nothing civil and little that is rational in the world of cancer care. Deb deserves our admiration for rising above this world to retain her own humanity, dignity and intelligence to the very end.

How deeply moved I was by this book! I could relate to so many of the situations described. I want you to know that I will be a better physician because of this beautiful story. It is refreshing and "enlightening" to know that we can become personal friends with our patients!

Spirituality and medicine seems an unlikely combination until you read The Light Within. Finally we have a doctor who addresses the need for doctors to get involved with their patients lives when those patients are faced with a terminal illness. The interweaving of the two stories allows us to understand what the real meaning of spirituality is for both the doctor and the patient. Each helps the other to grow and deepen their own lives in-spite of difficult emotional setbacks. Even though the patient dies the reader is left feeling positive and grateful to have had the chance to get to know these two remarkable women. In this time of difficult medical connections which seem to revolve around paperwork and short visits it is heartening to know that there is a Dr. Ramondetta who is out there fighting for all of us.

The honesty of this story is compelling. It took courage and a ton of will power to make it happen. Sharing at this level was so deeply moving. The living that continued alongside the dying was a story in itself. The elegant, defiant patient and the devoted, determined physician; both suffered, learned, loved and lost. A beautiful, haunting story all the more poignant because it is true. A must, must read for anyone in the medical world for the compassion alone. A reminder of quality of life and what we do with it.