205 of 224 people found the following review helpful
on October 7, 2012
I wanted to read; Act like a Lady Think like a Man out of knowing that Steve Harvey is a wonderful comedian and so much insight comes through looking life from the lighter side. I was not disappointed. I laughed, I learned and my heart opened. He explains that men want to, are trained to and are good at the 3 "P's" when it comes to loving their women. They profess their love; meaning, they tell the world. This is my Lady, my girlfriend, my wife and until they do that know that you are not his. That's the good news...you know where you stand. Second "P": Protect: men will go out of their way to make sure that to the best of their ability the no harm comes to you. No one will talk down to you, nor will they even look like they want to harm you. He takes his job as protector seriously...if not, he's not yours and you are not his. Third "P", a man will Provide for the woman he loves and her/their offspring. He will make sure that all he has goes towards making sure she has what she needs. Even while dating...Ladies, don't rush to pay the check. He feels like a man when he can do this for you whether or not you can do for yourself...maybe even especially if you can do it for yourself. His DNA, according to Harvey and I've seen this in my life a well, providing is his responsibility. If he doesn't feel needed or wanted in any of these 3 "P's" he is not the guy for you nor are you the woman for him. Knowing this, it's easy to move on or to bring a man closer.
I love Harvey's simple and humorous clarity. I wondered if his was a throw back approach and then I realized with his help, women and men are different for a reason. Praise the difference, respect the difference, see the difference...have great relationships. Simple, clear, fun! In conjunction with "Act like a Lady..." which is just pure laugh out loud fun I was reading another superb relationship book by Ariel and Shya Kane called How to Have A Match Made in Heaven: A Transformational Approach to Dating, Relating, and Marriage. They also use clear demonstrations (videos included) of life experiences to ease us into joyful stellar relationships. We can have fun with simply seeing another's perspective. "Awareness" as the Kanes say, "a nonjudgmental seeing of what is" is enough to open us to a world where men and women enjoy each others' unique approaches. Great companions Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man and How to have a Match Made in Heaven, I just have to highly recommend both books.
620 of 711 people found the following review helpful
on March 30, 2009
The central premise of Steve Harvey's book is that women are not setting stringent enough standards in their romantic dealings with men. As such, he posits, they are giving away their social power and selling themselves short on their dating/mating goals.
Steve is partially correct, but he misses the central point. It is true that women do tend to settle for less than they truly want when dating, but the damage they're doing to themselves is not ultimately a result of letting men get away with murder, so to speak. Rather, the problem originates from the fact that women are choosing the wrong men. Decent men don't look for any opportunity to take advantage of women. They don't take that mile when given the proverbial inch. The men who do are the players, chiselers and con artists, the kinds of men who may look good in the store window but fall totally apart when you get them home from the mall.
'Act Like a Lady' ultimately is a rehashing of the familiar 'men are incorrigible dogs' theory of gender. It's a tired story that I'd hope we had moved past, but here it is again in a new package. Yes, men like sex. Yes, men like to look around. But decent men are able to control their urges, especially when they know that not doing so will cause great pain to those around them. Steve's theory doesn't stand up to real life, where if you spend any time, you quickly realize that uniqueness is a defining human personality trait.
Most women do have high standards--that is, until they run into a man who knows all the right things to say to circumvent their defenses. A woman can absolutely KNOW that she's worth all the trouble, but she'll totally drop her guard when a skilled player comes along saying all the right things. He's selling something she didn't even consciously realize that she wanted, and in the end she's a sucker for it. Some guys get very good at this because they practice deception from an early age with girls. It's up to women to see these men for who they are and to look the other way when they pour on the insincere charm.
Women need to realize that the adage 'all that glitters is not gold' applies to men as well as minerals.
61 of 68 people found the following review helpful
on November 19, 2014
More often than not, women look toward their female friends for advice on how to deal with romantic relationships. While they can sometimes offer good advice, there's no better option than to ask someone who knows how a man thinks. Women don't really understand the often convoluted, brutish way that the mind of a man operates. Steve Harvey, on the other hand, knows exactly how the lesser half's mind works. As a man in his 50's, Harvey surely understands what it takes to be one of the guys. He also understands what men want in a relationship. This book is filled with direct, hard-hitting, and primitive relationship advice that many women may have been missing. We all know that Steve Harvey can be funny, but we may not have known that he was this insightful. Working on your relationships is and understanding how men think is key to unlocking a more fruitful understanding between you and your partner (future partner).
Along with Harvey's book, I've also started reading 27 Quick Life Transformation Tips. This book has details on how to make a complete life transformation in a short amount of time. It even offers relationship advice on how to save or improve your marriage. Much like Steve Harvey, this book takes a no-nonsense approach to solving your relationship issues. The book contains a very detailed action plan that virtually anyone can follow. I know that it has helped improve my romantic relationships by leaps and bounds. But, this book doesn't stop there. It also provides a bevy of tips ranging from career advice to nutritional guides. If there's an aspect of your life that needs fixing, this book will have it.
Of course, if you're just looking for a way to fix your relationships, then Harvey's book is a great start. Along with the sage advice from 27 Quick Life Transformation Tips, you'll be well on your way to successful romance in no time. I know that both of these books have helped me improve in a variety of ways since I bought them.
Of course, most importantly, my relationships have stood firm because I know understand the brazen, comical mind of a man!
119 of 146 people found the following review helpful
on September 13, 2010
... "Women, Blame Yourself and Not Us (Yeah, I said it). This book is not for a woman who knows herself, is secure with herself, knows what she will and will not accept and/or tolerate. SH's philosophies (if you will) are antiquated and sexist. Here are some standouts:
A) Him throwing a conniption when he wife went scuba diving because he wasn't able to "protect" her. His self-told performance showed that he is insecure and controlling. The thing that he loved about his wife, her sense of adventure, is the very thing he is trying to stifle.
B) The Momma's boy. A mother/son relationship is so complex at times that his woman can set all the boundaries she want but it's not until that man sets boundaries with his ma that things will change.
C) Cheating. It's a woman's fault men cheat. Period. Forget about self-control, commitment and communication - its all on the woman.
D) Single woman are too independent destined for loneliness. SH confuses being self-sufficient with being [too] independent. These days a woman may not need a man financially but need and want a man spiriutally, emotionally and physically. She is not suppose to wait for a man to save her (she already has a Savior) but be able to take care of herself and should want a man who appreciates that and likewise be able to take care of himself. Partnership isn't about completion but about two wholes joining together.
E) Meeting the children. I do not agree with a man meeting kids after a month of knowing him. That's unrealistic in this day and age. If it take 90 days to have sex, according to SH, it should take longer a man to actually meet the kids. Yes, he should know about them but should meet until a bond and commitment is formed.
I guess my problem with SH book is that it is too one sided. He doesn't hold himself or men accountable for their "bad" behavior. It would have been beneficial if he mentioned what he learned about his divorces or past relationships that now makes him a better husband now. As it is, for me, SH just comes off as insecure and controling -- the type of man that make me put on the Nike's and "FloJo".
128 of 160 people found the following review helpful
on March 5, 2009
Author & Book Views On A Healthy Life!
Book Review: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment (Harper Collins, 2009) by Steve Harvey with Denene Miller
Veteran comedian Steve Harvey has risen to the pinnacle of the love and relationships world with one book--Act Like a Lady--Think Like A Man (Harper Collins, 2009) with Denene Miller. The son of parents who have been married 46 years, Harvey's book developed out of questions from many women during the course of his show, who simply do not understand the simplicity of men. The purpose of the book: show women how to achieve a solid relationship, whether they're dating, engaged, or married.
Harvey writes that men focus on three points of extreme interest:
1. Who they are (their title)
2. How they get their title (job/career)
3. And what they achieve (money earned)
I've been married more than 20 years to my own husband. I must agree with Harvey, that this is true. Men are defined by other men. They look at each other's car/truck, watch, home, etc..as signs of success. Until a man is on his way in life, he cannot sit around and discuss his relationship with you. Harvey clarifies this situation quite well.
Before a relationship progresses too far, Harvey wants every woman to ask her potential man these five questions:
1. What are your short-term goals?
2. What are your long-term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships?
4. What do you think about me?
5. How do you feel about me?
22 years ago, I asked my husband similar questions, including what he thought about children and divorce.
Harvey includes further great chapters which really open up a man's mind to a woman:
* "Men Respect Standards--Get Some"
* "Why Men Cheat"
* "Mama's Boys"
* "Sports Fish vs. Keepers--" Example: "A woman who is dressed appropriately--has her goodies reasonably covered, but is still sexy, is a keeper; a woman who is scantily clad and dripping sex is a throwback."
* "We Need to Talk, And Other Words That Make Men Run For Cover"
* "How to Get the Ring"
Harvey offers up front honest advice for women who have been sacrificing themselves in search of the right guy. He extols women to put themselves first and not be afraid of losing the guy. "If a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere." This reminds me of a friend from long ago who was recently divorced and in search of a new husband. Each fellow dated her a short while and moved on. She didn't know what the problem was. I warned her not to give the milk away for free with the latest guy. "Too late for that!" she stated. He moved on too.
Near the back of the book, Harvey includes a section for questions you've always wanted answered:
Example: Do men prefer skinny or thick women?
Example: Do men like women who cook more than women who don't?
Example: Do men secretly evaluate whether you'll be a good mother, homemaker, and so on? Answer: Absolutely!
Likewise women, evaluate a potential mate.
Writing under the premise that too many women don't understand men, and men get away with way too much, Harvey, as a father, wishes to raise awareness among women, while at the same time forcing men to be honest about their attitude toward the relationship.
If you're tired of mama's boys, men who won't commit or you're in search of the elusive catch, this book's for you. Harvey shows the reader when to be honest, when to compromise a bit, and when to hold her man to a standard, because "boys shack," but "men build homes."
28 of 33 people found the following review helpful
on March 29, 2009
I finished Steve Harvey's book after I caught sight of him on the Oprah show. There is something comical and supportive about his take on the world of relationships however a lot of it appears generalized and outdated.
He determines that a man defines himself by THREE things... and until a man figures these three things out he will remain a boy. All the while, women will simply cater to his boredom, ego, and loneliness in the mean time.
I'd like to think men have come along further in their personal evolution to handle some emotional things. To further avoid some of the cultural pressures or cliches that define "REAL" men. You have to understand that in some cultures a "REAL" man beats his wife. There has to be a higher standard to which we call someone a "Man".
He also goes on to state that a man can NOT go a month without sex before he starts looking elsewhere. Almost in the same breath he asks women to date a man, get him to be committed to you, with no promise of sex- until 90 days have passed.
Steve Harvey also explains why men cheat which seems like such a redundant thing to explain. But since women are so hung up on blaming themselves he eventually, after more than enough pages, finally states- If he was committed to you, and only you, and that was clear (verbalized etc.) from the start- He has no business cheating on you.
Yet again the author expresses how he believes women are less likely to cheat on a man. Now, I don't know if this is denial, ego, or both... but I think women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women. Granted cheating is a dishonest thing to do, but I don't think its gender specific like Steve would want you to believe. More like "personality" specific.
The book rolls along with more statements about how much men need sex, while assuming women dont need it as much. Let me make this clear... whether a lady is in a relationship or not, she desires sex. She wants the cookie just as badly and sometimes she doesnt want to wait three months with whatever guy that comes along to finally get some. Because lets face it, finding a man that you have chemistry with, and a desire to be around thats more substantial than lust... is sometimes a very rare thing. Waiting for "Mr. Right" is not always practical.
Neither is dating "Mr. Ok" for three months just to get some sex.
Women need to take a serious look at themselves in terms of who they choose to sleep with or have children with. Maybe we do need to raise our standards and ask more out of ourselves, than expecting a man who sees us as "sports fish" to suddenly care about who we are on the "inside".
Steve asks that you be upfront with the men you're dating,to ask very specific questions that will get to the heart of the situation you are in. We can not be afraid of the answers and we must be prepared to let the players go.
On one hand the book is empowering you to cut the riff raff out of your life. In the other hand, its asking that you apply yourself to old social stereotypes that keep gender roles in place- and not challenged.
From what Steve Harvey claims, men have not changed much since the Victorian era. He assumes although women can vote now, hold jobs, and buy their own houses... that they still want to assume the same roles as "dish washer" and "baby maker".
Putting machismo out of the picture, perhaps a "real man" is really an individual who has learned to respect life, has learned to love and honor all human beings, and doesn't randomly choose who gets played for a fool based on selfish whims. And I would think those same virtues would apply to "real women".
In conclusion, as a friend once said to me- There are men that like women (and I don't mean sex). And there are men who don't... and those who don't still try to sleep with you. Steve sets a stage, no matter how strange it may be... to avoid those types of men.
286 of 364 people found the following review helpful
on April 17, 2010
This terribly-written book has Harvey spouting humorless relational philosophy, such as "men are simple creatures." And he proves that point by writing such a simple-minded book that it's a complete waste of time to read it.
The book is sexist, stereotyping all men into knuckle-dragging, sports-loving hunters that just need a little sex to keep them happy. The book is addressed to women, telling them to dress better, accept that the guy won't talk much, and give sex more often in order to keep their guy from straying.
Most offensive is Harvey's constant references to "the Lord" and Jesus, leading people to believe he upholds spirituality, yet he point blank tells people to have sex after 90 days together and accepts a couple living together without being married. He often mentions going to church--didn't he learn anything there?
He also conveniently fails to mention that he has been married three times. The book would lead you to believe he was married once, to a woman he admittedly slept with and cheated on before she threatened to walk out on him. There is also no real mention of his children. A quick check of his bio online will uncover the truth. If you can't trust a guy writing a book about relationships to come clean about his own relationships, then why read the book?
There are a couple of valid points, such as the fact that men need respect and loyalty from women. But the lousy writing style and simplistic examples negate any reason to read this book.
169 of 214 people found the following review helpful
on August 11, 2009
What a sad, sad book. I am shocked that it has received so many great reviews.
The pineapple juice story brought tears to my eyes. What a witch that woman was!
Other than that, any tears I shed were for the hypocricy, chauvinism, and lack of respect expressed in this book. While I agree that women should be more selective and have more respect for themselves and that men should stand up and take responsibility for their families, I found much of the rest of Steve's conclusions quite disheartening. Why would anyone want a man who won't communicate his feelings, expects his wife to keep the house spotless, and wants her to give up the activities she enjoys? This type of man is appealing? To whom? Married couples should be equal partners, and communication is the most important ingredient.
The worst idea expressed in the book is that most men will cheat just because they can and never give it a second thought. While I know that many men cheat, I will never believe that any man who truly loves, respects, and is committed to his wife will cheat on her. Period.
133 of 168 people found the following review helpful
on April 7, 2009
I don't understand why everyone thinks this is such a great book. While I found less than a half a dozen things to even smile about. I did find lots of stereotypical fluff and nonsense. If the author intended this book to be funny, he missed the boat. Its not. But if that's what you bought this book for, what a waste of both time and money. Because the alternative would be sad... advice???? I hope readers aren't using this sludge as groundbreaking, thought provoking or insightful advice. Its almost mind-numbing to think most women wouldn't already know most of this. SH is careful to say that all men don't fit into his categories. I would be more apt to say, that most men or the good ones, don't.) One example...SH says he doesn't know a single man who has NOT cheated on his wife. He should probably concentrate on getting a better class of friends and leave the advice to others better "suited."
87 of 109 people found the following review helpful
Any woman who reads this book should ask the following question after reading it:
"Of what value would a relationship like this be to me?"
There is more to life than sex and having a clean house. Men know that and have many other things in their lives besides women.
I really began to think like a man when I realized this and cultivated my own interests which include writing, music, philosophy, art and many other things. I can say that in my single life I was smart, independent -- and not particularly lonely, either.
Now I am married -- I'm glad I got married and wouldn't change my choice. But one of the reasons I married the man that I did was because he did NOT have the same views as Mr. Harvey.