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Lily Hates Goodbyes Paperback – March 8, 2011

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Editorial Reviews


"I see hundreds of children's books a year, since I not only do reviews, I work in the industry. Lily Hates Goodbyes is as good as they get, on par with the best." --David Broughton

"This little book is a fine storybook for any child, but it is almost a mandatory library addition for parents in the military. Jerilyn Marler makes it easier to cope - for both child and at home parent!" --Grady Harp

"This is an outstanding story! ...You will love it. Best of all, you will appreciate it so much." --Biblio Reads Children's Book Review

"Jerilyn Marler's children's book, Lily Hates Goodbyes, is a must have for children with a parent in the military and also for elementary school counselors." -- Moments: Book Review

"Marler has created a special book that is guaranteed to help the families of the men and women who bravely and selflessly serve our country." -- Portland Book Review, 5-star review for Lily Hates Goodbyes --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

From the Author

I wrote this story for my (then) four-year-old granddaughter who was reeling from the pain of her Daddy's time away in the Navy. She was deep in denial about the scary feelings, yet her behavior clearly showed that she was in turmoil. She would run from the room instead of talk about feelings. So I wrote Lily Hates Goodbyes to give us a "third person" to talk about. Book Lily was mad. Book Lily was sad. Suddenly it wasn't so scary for Real Lily to talk about those feelings. She asked me to read the book to her over and over. She even wanted me to sing it to her.

The result is exactly what I hoped for: Lily's more at ease with her emotions, knows what she can do when she feels them, knows that it's safe to say whatever she feels, knows that her Mommy will be there steadfastly and lovingly by her side through it all, and that there is a joyful reunion coming with her Daddy.

I fervently hope that this book will help your child through the long, difficult separations, too. --This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 32 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (March 8, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 146096070X
  • ISBN-13: 978-1460960707
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 0.1 x 8.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 3.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (31 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,619,900 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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More About the Author

Jerilyn Marler is a writer, editor, and publisher in Beaverton, Oregon, and the author of books to help military families cope with deployment.

"Lily Hates Goodbyes" is a storybook for young children (ages 2-7) coping with separation from a loved one. It's available in two versions: Navy Version (daddy wears a Navy uniform) and All Military Version (daddy wears generic BDUs).

In March 2012 "Lily Hates Goodbyes" was named among the best in family-friendly media, products and services by the Mom's Choice Awards®!

Portland Book Review gives "Lily Hates Goodbyes" a five-star rating (the highest possible). "The book is filled with ideas that can help any child with an absent loved one. Nathan Stoltenberg's beautiful illustrations warm the heart. An especially important message that Marler subtly highlights is how important the at-home parent/family are when helping a child cope with their feelings. Marler has created a special book that is guaranteed to help the families of the men and women who bravely and selflessly serve our country."

In 2010, when her Navy officer son was on deployment and her 4-year-old granddaughter was distraught by his absence, Jerilyn wrote "Lily Hates Goodbyes." It began as a Word document with personal photos intended just for Lily. The book helped Lily talk about her feelings, develop healthy ways to cope with those feelings, feel connected to her daddy despite the distance between them, be reminded that her mommy was steadfastly beside her, and that a joyful hello was coming. The book helped Lily so much that Jerilyn decided to publish it for all young children who suffer through long separations from a loved one. She hired Nathan Stoltenberg, a Seattle-based graphic artist and illustrator. "Lily Hates Goodbyes" was first released in January 2011. A new version was released in August 2011 through Jerilyn's publishing company, Quincy Companion Books, an imprint of Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing.

This handbook helps military parents understand the challenges their children face before and during deployment. It also offers 22 fun, easy ways to help children feel connected with the away parent. At the end of the book is a handy alphabetized list of resources that every military family should keep nearby. "Helping Your Young Child Cope with a Parent's Deployment" is available in paperback, Kindle, Nook, and iBook formats.

Jerilyn's 30-year creative path has led through writing educational materials for Alaska elementary schools; writing three books about WordPerfect for an imprint of Henry Holt Publishers; editing dozens of books for technical publishers; editing a children's book, a medical text book, and a book on divorce at the same time; and writing/editing end user documentation for more products than she can count.

Jerilyn has worked in major high technology companies and tiny start-ups; she's been a real estate agent, programmer, project manager, program manager, and user interface designer. Her name is on three patents held by Intel Corporation, where she worked for nearly 15 years. The persistent thread through all of her work has been communication: it always comes back to words.

From sixth grade through her junior year of high school Jerilyn attended Kodaikanal International School, a boarding school in the mountains of southern India. Memories of her long, painful separations from her parents helped her relate to Lily's experience 46 years later. For years after leaving Kodaikanal Jerilyn still considered India her home, much to the confusion of college classmates. A year in Madrid, Spain followed a few years later. Jerilyn has circled the globe many times since that first trip to India and she relishes travel whenever she has the opportunity.

Jerilyn's son is a Navy officer stationed in South Carolina. His daughter Lily is the inspiration for "Lily Hates Goodbyes." Jerilyn lives in Beaverton, just a few miles from Portland, Oregon, with Dan, her husband, and their two tabby cats.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Kristi Bernard on April 18, 2011
Format: Paperback
Lily's dad is in the military, which means he is gone for long periods of time. For Lily it seems as if he is gone for a billion days. Her dad tells her if she looks at the moon he will be looking at the moon too. She can tell the moon anything and he will hear it. Her mommy tells her to hit a pillow when she feels sad or mad that daddy isn't home. Lily spends her time making a memory box with pictures for her dad. She can give them to him when he gets home. With the help and understanding of her mother Lily learns how to cope with her feelings while her dad is away. She counts down the days until his return on her special calendar.

The wonderfully vivid illustrated book will be a joy for kids to read and enjoy. Parents and teachers can help kids cope with a parent in the military through the eyes of Lily. In the back of the book Marler lists suggestion on how parents can talk through what their child is feeling.

Jerilyn Marler wrote this book for her four-year-old granddaughter whose father is in the Navy. She was having a hard time dealing with the pain of him being gone. If you would like to learn more about Lily please visit [...]
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This is a great little book, but be aware that the daddy depicted in the book is an officer dressed in whites. The reason why this is important is that for a very young child to think of her own daddy when looking at the pictures, he needs to be dressed in what she is familiar with, like the daily NWUs that are worn by both officers and enlisted. There are far more enlisted personnel in the military than there are officers, so I assumed that is how the book would be illustrated, but it is not.
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Format: Paperback
Lily Hates Goodbyes is an ideal book in helping children deal with the feelings that exist when having a parent who deploys into the military for long periods of time.

Lily Hates Goodbyes is about a child named Lily who has a father in the military. It feels to her that he's gone for a billion days, though in reality he's really not. Her daddy says that when she looks at the moon, he's looking at it too, thinking about her. Her mother says that daddy can hear everything Lily says to the moon, so she talks to the moon and blows it a kiss.

Sometimes, Lily gets angry about her daddy's long absence, but mother says that it's okay to feel angry, and sometimes she feels angry too. Lily draws many pictures of what is going on around her and places them into a box so her daddy can look at them when he returns home.

She puts stickers on a calendar to remind her of her daddy's return, finding ways to cope. She receives a letter in the mail, which excites her, from her daddy. Her mother reads it to her and she puts it away to read for later.

Lily goes through a series of emotions. She also feels stubborn and mean when her daddy's gone. But her mother says that it's okay to feel that way and that sometimes she feels that way too. So, Lily will play with the things that make her happy because she knows that it will please her daddy. He wouldn't want her to be mean or stubborn. He wants her to be happy.

Lily finds various ways to cope that will help her until her daddy returns and makes everything in her life seem right again. Will she be able to hold it together with the help of her wise mother?

This 32-page picture book allows children to express their feelings about a parent being absent from home.
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Format: Paperback
When the parents of young children leave for any reason, their natural emotion is anger at the parent for leaving. Even death does not spare the parent from the brunt of the anger of a child that does not understand why they left. Another circumstance that children find difficult to understand is when the parent is in the military and deployed out of the country. They are exposed to patriotic rallies and statements of support, so they know that their parent is doing something for the good of the country, yet they still think primarily of their feelings. However, this does set up an internal contradiction as they find it hard to hear others praise their parent for being gone.
Lily's father is in the navy and she had to tell him goodbye for what she thinks is a billion days. Her feelings of anger, loneliness, fear and love are expressed in unusual ways and her mother finds it necessary to talk with her and help her deal with her feelings. She saves special things in the "Memories for Daddy" box that she will give him when he returns. When daddy returns, Lily and her mother are excitedly waiting for him and it is a joyous homecoming when Lily jumps into his arms and learns that she LOVES hellos.
The author wrote this story for her four-year-old granddaughter that was struggling with the pain of her father being away in the navy. She used the book as a way to talk with her granddaughter using a third person to express what she was feeling. By channeling Book Lily together and her expressions of emotions, grandma was able to help Real Lily come to grips with her situation. Gathering control of your emotions is something very hard for children, especially when they feel conflicts. This book is an excellent way for children to see their emotions of separation expressed without having to express them outright.
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