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The Lincolns: Portrait of a Marriage

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Vivid, fresh and compelling, The Lincolns offers an insightful and revelatory look at what bonded together these two iconic historical figures. The reader comes away with a clear sense of the symbiosis of profound psychological needs and shared experiences that united the Lincolns in ambition and devotion. Meticulous research is put to good use in creating the most richly textured evocation to date of the Lincolns' world, from the folksy streetscapes of Springfield to the glittering parlors of official Washington; from the relentless mobs (both cheering and hostile) to the horrific battlefields of Virginia. By focusing on the dynamics of the marriage, Epstein remains remarkably sympathetic to both partners. The reader senses Lincoln's maddening opacity as a husband, exacerbated by the grim responsibilities of the office of the Presidency, as a force that both empowered and frustrated Mary Lincoln's increasingly desperate need for individual recognition and respect. Epstein's ability to discern the telling detail, and to create unforgettably vivid images remains uniquely powerful among biographers, and grants a captivating immediacy to his storytelling. Nuanced and insightful, The Lincolns is a once-in-a-generation contribution to our understanding of the complex landscape of Lincoln's private world.

Mr. Epstein writes a very personal portrayal of the marriage of Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd. His book is easy reading for a historical book, and the author chooses not to burden the reader with voluminous footnotes in the text, but rather lists each quote and source in the appendix by chapter. The book is perhaps the finest and best researched exposition of the character of the Lincoln's marriage.

Epstein does a wonderful job of illustrating how good the Lincoln's marriage really was, as far as their compatibility and closeness. They both loved poetry and they both loved politics. Almost all the strategy and speeches that Lincoln made prior to his run for the Presidency were at the very least, run by Mary before he made his presentation. Mary gave critical and helpful advice on the substance and tone of his speeches. In addition, the Lincoln's were very affectionate toward each other. Mr. Epstein actually points out that it was the practice of the Lincoln's to make love to each other every night. This active love life continued until the birth of Mary's last child, Tad, whose head which was very large at birth, seriously damaged her birth canal and made sex difficult and painful from that point onward.

In addition, the author does an excellent job of illustrating the serious `mood disorder' that seems to have afflicted Mary throughout her life, and which increased in severity as she grew older. There are numerous stories all through their life together of this erratic behavior which are mentioned in the literature of historians and well presented in this book. By the time Lincoln won the Whitehouse, Mary's moods were so erratic, that it led John Hay, one of two main secretary/assistants that Lincoln had as President, to refer to Mary as "The Hellcat." Her rage could be released at the slightest incident and her jealousy was enormous.

Overall, the book does a wonderful job of explaining and portraying the marriage and how Lincoln interacted with his wife Mary all through his marriage to her. It is a must read book for those readers interested in Lincoln and his administration. In addition, it is a wonderful read for any reader who has interest in a deeply personal rendering of the inner life of perhaps the best remembered American President. It comes highly recommended.

Reading this book will be as close to getting to know the Lincolns as it is possible. Mr. Epstein has written a book that never embroiders the facts, but that is filled with penetrating insights into the characters of these two remarkable people. At times, one feels that Mary behaved no better than a common embezzler, at other times one's heart breaks for this poor, brave woman. As for Lincoln, he was a saint and a great president, but was he the right husband for this needy, difficult woman? Was he prescient, during their courtship, in suspecting that he could not make her happy? Possibly, no one could. What I found most startling is the suggestion in the last chapters that Mary, although mad or nearly so, saw the physical dangers to her husband more clearly than he did and that his insouciance exacerbated her erratic behavior. The Lincolns loved Shakespeare, but their evolutions suggest Cervantes' Quixote: there was a core of sanity in her madness that made her see the world as it was and this deepened her mental woes; his acceptance of fate blinded him to the need to prevent, rather than almost court, assassination. Did he somehow want to leave her in the only honorable way he could? Was his barely suppressed depression too much to bear as he mounted the steps to the theater box on that Good Friday? I never thought so until I read this great book.

There certainly is no shortage of books on Abraham Lincoln. More than 140 years after his passing, Lincoln still scores as one of the best presidents we've ever had (if not the best), and is still revered as a visionary leader who saved our country from self-exploding. Ever since I was in fifth grade, I've had a peculiar fascination with the first bearded president that is almost unexplained. Even today, after reading millions of Lincoln books, I can't tell you the single reason why Lincoln fascinates me. Certainly, it's grown over the years in learning about his presidency, his successes and failures in freeing the slaves, and his family.

One would think that there couldn't possibly be any new information about Lincoln that would charm the socks of anyone with an Lincoln interest. However, in Daniel Mark Epstein's new book, "Lincoln a Portrait of a Marriage", paints such a complete and stunning picture of the marriage between two unlikely people, I left the book with such a sense of awe and wonderment, a deeper understanding of the life and times of mid 1800's America, and respect for both Mary and Abraham.

It isn't that Epstein presents new information, he takes the available information, places it in its rightful historical context, sprinkles in letters from Lincoln and people in his sphere, which suddenly makes this story pop alive. Normally, when authors include sections of letters, often long and laborious to read, I merely skip over the section and go back to the text. Epstein interlaces these so expertly that I found myself reading and rereading these sections, giving a deeper portrait. His knowledge of how people lived in his time and place in our history is complete, adding little bits of knowledge to my already overcrowded mind.

Epstein's Lincoln in this book starts out gangly, depressed, and ever bit the human that he was. That may be hard for people to believe, but knowing all the facts about the person (or as many as you can get) leads to illumination and humanity. Mary starts off being the coquettish belle, flirtatious, warm, with a cheery laugh (how many times is our Mary described like that?). Their pairing seems impossible, even more so when Lincoln first declares their engagement ending. Lincoln falls into melancholia; Mary, always the charmer, continues to see men without much interest. She wants to marry a president. How she sees Lincoln in that light 20 years before it happening, is beyond me. But I loved reading about both of them, and when they finally unite, and Lincoln's heart is full, I was actually smiling.

Epstein has managed to take a topic that could very well be overwrought and repetitive, and makes this enthralling, illuminating, and a true pleasure to read. For any Lincoln expert, or someone unfamiliar to Abraham or Mary, "Lincoln a Portrait of a Marriage" is the non-fiction book event of the season. Don't pass tis treasure up!

Also, as an aside, Dark Mark Epstein wrote another book that I adore, and I highly suggest you check this out:
Lincoln and Whitman: Parallel Lives in Civil War Washington. You WON'T regret it!

Like so many Americans, I am an enormous admirer of Abraham Lincoln. I have dipped into other biographies of this extraordinary man, but found myself at times distracted by the myriad details of political and military events. This biography, on the other hand, I could not put down. Through his exquisite prose, astute insights, and meticulous research, Epstein illuminates the complex relationship between Abe and Mary Lincoln. Epstein brings his sensibilities and intuition as a poet to this marvelous and very readable work. He tenderly recounts the details of the courtship of this fascinating couple, their early married days, and their lives together in Springfield, Illinois and the White House. He tells the story of a marriage that started out with great love and passion, but became crushed under the enormous losses and pressures suffered by both. Epstein helps us to understand the intense bond between the two that endured most of their lives, despite their very different temperaments, values and morals. How fortunate we the readers are to have this intimate glimpse into the real makeup of the Lincolns' marriage.

Daniel Mark Epstein is a poet as well as a biographer and the sheer beauty of his writing in "The Lincolns" propels you into their world- the tragic world of Mary and Abraham Lincoln. You will witness the Lincolns as you've never seen them before. The result is so compelling you'll feel that Mr. Epstein was there, at their side, sympathetic, non-judgmental. That Mary Lincoln was probably psychotic is viewed with compassion, but Abraham was a man of mercurial moods, given to periods of despondency followed by periods of joy and even playfulness.

Both were highly emotional people, but Abe had his emotions under control, most of the time, except when he went bananas after breaking off his engagement to Mary Todd- while she did not. Given to fits of rage even in their young married life, when Mary hit her husband in the face with a piece of wood when he wasn't paying attention to her, when she chased him with a knife (although he easily disarmed her) she simply was not normal. Her later frenetic spending sprees in the White House and her jealousy of any woman approaching Lincoln and her long prostration after the death of their son Willie reveal a woman very near the brink. But Epstein handles her gently, fairly, emphacizing her warmth, her charm, her courage.

It's quite possible that if he had not married Mary Todd, who supported and goaded him on politically, Lincoln, although he had great confidence in his own ability, might never have gotten involved in politics over his thriving lawyer practice. She was determined, even before she knew Lincoln, to marry a President. So when she met the lanky Kentuckian, she realized he was Presidential timber and when he unceremoniously dumped her, she waited for him to come to his senses and return to her. She knew he was worth waiting for, even though she must have been horribly humiliated.

Incredibly, and I've never read this anywhere else, Lincoln's withdrawal from Mary may have been motivated by the fact he thought he had syphilis. He took three large blue-colored pills containing mercury a day. Mercury had been for centuries a standard treatment for syphilis. It's likely the hypochondriac Lincoln never had the disease, but Epstein relates his misery so feelingly, so intimately, you feel the author was in Springfield at the same time, closely observing the stricken man and rooting for his emotional and physical recovery.

There are so many wonderful descriptions and vignettes in "The Lincolns." Abe flat on the floor of their Springfield parlor talking to his cats tete a tete until they dissolved in rumbling purrs. Lincoln loved cats so much, Mary called them his hobby. Lincoln entering the dark, gloomy room in the White House where his son Willie had died. Every Thursday, the day the child died, the President would slip in there alone, sit in the dark an hour and come out red-eyed. Mary collapsing at the same time and remaining an invalid for months. Lincoln becoming gaunter, thinner, sadder, as the civil war raged on and on.

The pages devoted to Willie, both before and after his death, will tear at your heartstrings. His death on top of the strain of a ghastly war, caused a major disintegration in the family which never completely healed. You'll feel the pain, because Epstein takes you right there. You'll feel all the horror of a war in which brother killed brother in enormous numbers and you'll feel the agony of parents losing a beloved child. An historical chapter from hell for both the country and the Lincolns.

"The Lincolns: Portrait of a Marriage" is a major achievement. It almost seems that nothing more of any consequence about the Lincolns can be said. This is a beautiful, insightful book: Don't miss it!

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) was a poor Kentuckian who rose to national stature becoming elected our 16th President of the United States in 1861. Most lists of the best presidents place him at the top. His wife Mary Todd Lincoln (1818-1882) was the daughter of the socially prominent Todd family of Lexington, Ky. Their marriage was difficult, tragic and worthy of the skills of a great biographer.Epstein succeeds in his portrayal of their troubled life together in nineteenth century frontier America and in the halls of power in Washington DC during the dark days of the Civil War.
Abraham Lincoln married Mary in 1842. They were living in Springfield, Illinois where the state capital had recently been relocated from Vadelia.
Abraham had raised himself by the bootstraps., He began life as a poor lad growing up with very little schooling on the Kentucky and Indiana frontier. After migrating to Illinois he tried his hands at many jobs before become a circuit riding lawyer. Mary was a wealthy woman from Lexington who spoke French, was well educated and grew up a few miles from the home of Kentucky's famous Whig Senator Henry Clay. Mutual friends brought the two together drawn by passion, Whig politics and wit.
After a stormy courtship which led to a time of separation the two were wed in 1842. Lincoln was tall while Mary was short. Mary had a vicious temper, tart tongue and was moody. Lincoln and she became the parents of four sons. Robert the eldest was a Harvard graduate and became president of a railroad company. Eddie died in 1850 while Willie died in 1852 as a result of cholera while living in the White House. Tad died in 1871. Mary and Abraham were permissive parents; Mary never got over the tragic loss of her sons and two of her brothers fighting for the Confederacy during the Civil War. The two were often apart for weeks as Lincoln tried cases across Illinois and served a term as a congressmen in Washington during the Polk administration. =Mary and the boys tried life in Washington but grew homesick for Kentucky and Illinois leaving the lonely Lincoln to fulfill his term as a one term congressman who opposed the Mexican War.
Lincoln won the White House as a Republican in the election of 1860 facing the problems of civil war. Northerners falsely accused Mary of being a Southern spy! Mary was much scorned by elite Washington society as being a crude Westerner. She spent lavishly on redecorating the White House earning a good deal of justifiable criticism from the public and her own frugal husband. Mary was jealous of other younger and more beautiful women in wartime Washington.
Abraham Lincoln was a melancholy man who kept his thoughts to himself. He was intellectually miles ahead of the moody Mary. The two kept relatively separate lives during the dark days of the Civil War. They did love one another and neither had extramarital affairs. President Lincoln knew how to handle Mary in her time of mental afflictions even though he sometimes suffered her wrath. She was known as a hellcat and many found it difficult to work with her. Others such as Senator Charles Sumner considered her a friend. Mary had a good heart often visiting wounded soldiers and helping friends. She was not an easy person to know or like.
Tragedy came to the couple when Lincoln was assassinated at Ford's Theatre on April 15, 1865. Mary was devasted never really recovering her mental stability following the death of Abraham, her children and the tragedies of the Civil War.
Hundreds of books have been written about both Lincolns but this is the best popular and readable history of their marital life. Epstein has done his homework.Epstein makes his two complex subjects come alive for the reader. The book is over 500 pages of small print which is detailed but never dull. An excellent book by an excellent biographer. Highly recommended!

There is a review in this week's THE WEEK magazine, calling Epstein's book 'maybe the best Lincoln book in a generation.' I know that Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln have had many biographers, but I can't recall a biography (like this one) that felt so compelling. It was literally 'hard to put down.' Epstein has given us a unique perspective on a pivotal portion of the nation's history, and done so with nuance and heart. This is, flat out, one of the best books I've read in the past few years.

Don Mayer
Denver, Colorado

I know some have quibbled about the accuracy of some particular statements--statements that more reflect the author's attempt to give the book a literary quality, rather than a strictly historical report. Some statements do also reflect the author's interpretation of what certain events might have meant, but I think most readers will be able to discern the difference between hypothetical interpretation and fact. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I think it is a great addition to the Lincoln literature. I learned many new things about the Lincolns because of the author's approach to this book. I already know a lot about Lincoln's involvement in the Civil War, and his time in the White House, as well as his background. This book does a great job of developing the relationship between Abe and Mary, and how that relationship impacted our country. It was also interesting to see how complicated this relationship was--they were human, and they were flawed. I also believe the author went to great pains to not "take sides" in favoring one party over the other. I was completely fascinated with the years leading up to the White House--over half of the book focuses on their lives before the presidency. And if you have had the opportunity to visit their home in Springfield, it makes the book so much better, because you can imagine the scenes within the rooms you have seen, and some of it is just amazing to imagine! So, reserve judgment on whether or not the stars were shining brightly on a particular night, and just enjoy the wonderful portrait this author has created, which really is, overall, a factually fascinating read.

This is a review of the audio edition of this book. Readers of the paper version may come to different conclusions than I did.

First, the reader. I found Adam Grupper's reading labored and awkward. I read lots of audio books (makes me look forward to commuting) and in most cases I want the reader's voice to disappear and let the book come to the fore. Here the reader intruded on the book. And there were a couple of mispronunciations that really annoyed me. Apparently the reader had never heard the terms "adjutant general" or "present arms" before. In the latter case he pronounced it like a birthday "present". You'll have to listen for yourself to see what he did to "adjutant".

But setting these minor objections aside the book seems to have been very thoroughly researched and it is truly a portrait of the Lincoln's marriage - the author ends with Lincoln's assassination, and specifically refuses to describe Mary's decline after her husband's death. The war is always in the background during the presidential years, but the author does not digress into describing battles and troop movements unless these impacted the Lincolns directly.

However, there are many occasions, especially in Lincoln's early life, when the author speculates on what Lincoln or Mary thought or the emotions they may have felt in a particular situation. For me personally, I would prefer to skip the speculation and concentrate on what is actually known about the couple through letters and memoirs of friends and family.

One scene in the book is extraordinary. When Lincoln is shot the author switches to a first person narrative from Mary's point of view and carries the reader through that dreadful night through Mary's eyes. It is riveting listening and by the time it was over, I was drained.

On the whole I thought the author was fair to both the Lincolns. Mary clearly had problems maintaining relationships, and there's no doubt she had a shopping obsession while she was in the White House, but Lincoln was by no means a perfect husband either. He spent a great deal of time away from home, and even when present he was often in a brown study did not respond to questions and conversation. In the White House he had little time for personal intimacy and mostly left Mary to her own devices. If you're am Abe Lincoln enthusiast, as I am, you'll find in this book a portrait of the man that is entirely different from that revealed in other recent Lincoln books including Team of Rivals, by Doris Kearns Goodwin or A. Lincoln: A Biography, by Ronald C. White Jr. For that reason alone, it's a valuable read.