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I'd Listen to My Parents If They'd Just Shut Up: What to Say and Not Say When Parenting Teens Paperback – November 1, 2011


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I'd Listen to My Parents If They'd Just Shut Up: What to Say and Not Say When Parenting Teens + Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated + Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!: Loving Your Kid Without Losing Your Mind
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; Original edition (November 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061915459
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061915451
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 6 x 1.1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (34 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #140,158 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

“Why do you always have to be at me about stuff when I’m in the middle of doing something?”

“You don’t have to yell at me! Everything has to be exactly when you want it! I hate this house!”

Is there any aspect of parenting more frustrating than when even the simplest conversation with your teenager quickly deteriorates into a take-no-prisoners war? Bestselling author Anthony E. Wolf sympathizes, and in his new book he provides hope, humor, and practical tips for dealing with the everyday challenges of raising teens in the twenty-first century.

I’d Listen to My Parents if They’d Just Shut Up will help you understand who your teenagers really are under all the attitude, and what new rules apply to successfully communicating with them in today’s constantly evolving world of the Internet, electronics, and social media. A book designed to make life with your teenage child a significantly more enjoyable experience, I’d Listen to My Parents if They’d Just Shut Up offers specific scenarios to illustrate which responses will work and which ones are doomed to failure the next time your thirteen-to-nineteen-year-old refuses to listen or won’t take “no” for an answer.

About the Author

Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist for children and adolescents. A former columnist for Child magazine and a current columnist for the Toronto Globe and Mail, he is the author of numerous parenting books, including Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? and Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce?


More About the Author

Anthony E. Wolf, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist and the author of many bestselling books. He has worked with children and adolescents for more than thirty years and lectures widely on parenting topics. He lives in Suffield, Connecticut.

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Good insights & advice.
Lisa Keaton
It is very important to me I keep the lines of communication open with my kids and having a teenager can sometimes make it challenging.
Angie Crosby
A whole chapter just on the fact teenagers are allergic to doing what they are asked when the are asked!
Bridget Fitzgerald

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Bridget Fitzgerald on January 14, 2012
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I am half way through this book and it has changed my/our lives. The author wrote this book about me and my 15 and 18 year old boys personally. I don't know how they collaborated without my knowledge but they did. My boys and I are quoted directly throughout this book, both our spoken words and our thoughts! It is the most concretely helpful yet profound book I have ever encountered. A whole chapter just on the fact teenagers are allergic to doing what they are asked when the are asked! My kids keep asking me what is so funny as I am reading. I have a degree in Psychology and a Master's in Clinical social work for what that is worth when it comes to parenting these boys. I'm a babe in the woods until now with this book. I see where I totally get it and where I have gotten it wrong and the author holds my hand, shows me the error of my ways, and exactly what to do instead and why. He tells us exactly what love says and does, how unconditional love, unconditional positive regard, maturity, and wisdom behave. Word for word. I'm so grateful for the insight and understanding and wisdom I have gained and put into action in our home already. We are happier, much more functional, and more peaceful. Thank you so much, Anthony Wolf.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Nina Danza on March 22, 2012
Format: Paperback
Good assistance to parents with teens. Many tools in different situations, such as How to Get them to do Chores; How to Handle Rule Breaking; How to keep them away from sex/drugs/drinking, even Girls and texting/Boys and Videogaming. BUT folks, the answers are not tiny little snippets. The author makes it clear the parent needs to be WISER, CALMER, and SET AN EXAMPLE of good behavior. Since we all know this is easier said than done, this book provides good examples how to actually DO what good parents need to DO.

Example (getting teens to do simple chores): "Rewards such as tying cooperation around the house to an allowance or special bonuses for extra tasks could work. Punishments might also include groundings or taking away access to cell phones, favored sites on the Internet, or video games. Rewards and punishments do indeed work but temporarily. In the long run, as a means of getting today's teenagers to do what they do not feel like doing, rewards and punishments tend not to be very effective...escalating punishments for continued lack of cooperation - longer grounding, lengthy restrictions, taking away a long anticipated class trip - is a mistake. The risk is too great that the child is likely to be bitter toward the parents. A strong adversarial relationship does not produce better cooperation. It produces sullen, passive rebellion."

The author goes on to show that firm, polite, pleasant, persistent PERSISTENT request and follow up on doing chores with a teen is the successful way. He goes on to address how to handle when they do a lousy job on chores as well.

Example (how to work with one of the MOST common things younger teens say): "But Why. Why Not. Why? Another holdover from early childhood it continues into adolescence.
Read more ›
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By milowe on June 5, 2012
Format: Paperback
I have a 17 y.o. girl and a 13 y.o. boy. I WISH I had this book when my 17 y.o. entered puberty, I probably would not be so worn out now that my 13 y.o. has just joined in. That being said. I opened this book and wondered if someone was microphoning my conversations to write this book. I know I'm a good quality parent, but I was baffled why my kids could be so challenging. They were litterally tag teaming me and I felt raw, underappreciated, over-whelmed, tired, and had gotten to the point of wondering why I had wanted children in the first place. This was by far the worst phase of parenting. So when I read this book - I LAUGHED OUT LOUD - I immediately started to relax. I realized I was normal... and so were my kids. The author gave me tools to surviving my kids as teenagers and MOST IMPORTANTLY find a way to ease the tension so everyone could get along and increase the chances of our enjoying our time together. We have fun more often than not....In the beginning, it took a bit of practice (inject sense of humor here) but I figured it out and now we can go "weeks" without any arguing at all. As the author says...sometimes the kid will just melt down no matter what you do... but at least it's now only the very infrequent ...rather than the common occurrence. And because my nervers aren't shattered...I handle it much better when they loose it and resultantly...the fallout is exponentially shorter. I recommend this for every parent of a teenager...consider it mandatory reading!!!!
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Angie Crosby on February 23, 2012
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I LOVED this no-nonsense, funny, and poignant book by Anthony Wolf. I have a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son who are great kids. It is very important to me I keep the lines of communication open with my kids and having a teenager can sometimes make it challenging.

This book provivded just what I needed to hear and helped reassure me I was on the right track as well as give me a better understanding of how teens feel about their parents. I am not a big reader of self-help type books since they tend to tell too many "stories" instead of getting right to the point with short examples. This book says what every parent needs to hear and it does so in a fun, engaging, and non-condescending manner. I laughed, cried, and developed an even bigger appreciation for my teen. It is hard work for them and am so proud that she is a good kid :-)

I would recommend this book to every parent with a teen, seriously. It was much appreciated by this single mom!
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