Customer Reviews

How to Live with a Huge Penis

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(6)
3 star:		(4)
2 star:		(4)
1 star:		(4)

 

 

Having the girth of a large shampoo bottle is allegedly a blessing... as long as you're not the one with the "gift". Guys think they want one. Women think they want it given to them. However, my psyche is scarred (and confused) from the howls I've heard after I drop trou. Are they scared? Turned on? Is there a monster behind me? No. The monster has always been in my pants. Only now, after reading this wonderful book have I been able to make peace with my piece.

I wasn't going to buy this book but my girlfriend actually got it for me for my birthday. I read it cover to cover and it really has changed my life. I have always suffered with having a (my girlfriend calls it) gi-normous penis. Imagine have two soda cans duct tapped together in your pants. I have always had a hard time sitting down and forget about it if I have an erection. Some people think it would be so awesome to have such a flesh sword in you grundies but I can tell you that it is not what it is cracked up to be. Have you ever had some hottie NOT have sex with you because she was trebling like a newborn fawn? Have you ever been accused of stuffing something down your Granimal jeans by your playground buddies? Have you ever been asked to GO HOME from your boss because you were distracting co-workers? Buy this book- it will change your whole life!

I anxiously awaited giving this gift to my best friend, herein referred to as "Walter," over a period of about 2 weeks while we traversed most of Maryland and some of Pennsylvania, and when at last I met his new girlfriend, presented it to him with an ebullient smile.

One week later, Walter messaged me via AIM and simply said, "You Suck."

Soon after, his relationship status on facebook changed to, "single."

Would totally buy again.

You know, life isn't easy. I have to lug around a 25" penis and, quite bluntly, I need some advice on how to live life. People think my right leg has a weird growth on it. My lower back is always hurting. If I get aroused, my head spins and I pass out. It's a cornucopia of problems and people always laugh when, after being asked what the problem is, you respond with "I have a really massive wang".

You know, it's not always funny. It's painful.

I thought, maybe, Richard Richard Jacob and Owen Thomas were kindred spirits in my battle against excessive genitalism. But NO --- these two chuckleheads decide to make this whole book a comedy.

Now, admittedly, the humor is pretty funny here and there...but there is real pain here. You ever throw out your shoulder tossing your penis over your shoulder because you had to wear shorts? Does your massive wang cause whirlpools should you ever decide to skinny dip? You know what it's like to not be able to make love to your wife within the same ROOM as your wife?

It's not bloody lovely. That's what it's like.

It even makes work a bother. At every interview, I get asked to first, show my penis and then second, bang the receptionist. You know, I'm not a piece of meat. And all of the queries as to why I'm not doing porn get annoying. I TRIED doing porn once and accidentally smashed the camera when I was fully aroused and turned around too quickly.

...I also gave my leading lady a concussion, broke a window in the next room, and, well, impregnated 3 different women in a 5 block radius. It was a little mortifying.

People always say it's a blessing. Well, I'm not seeing it. When you have to lug around a wang that weighs more than a full grown Great Dane, then you can talk to me.

And, no, I didn't type this using my fingers. I CANNOT do that.

Life is so unfair sometimes.

Let me start off by saying that I was born with what I would consider a "normal" sized unit. Not too big and not too small, just average. I went all through high school, college, night-club scene, what have you, and had no problem driving the old love bus to Tuna Town (if you know what I mean). But up until a few years ago, I often caught myself wondering what it would be like to be BIGGER. Then one day as I was driving home from work, I heard a commercial on the radio advertising a "male enhancement" formula, guaranteed to make a man "wider". I was intrigued so I wrote down the number and ordered it when I got home. I started taking the pills and after 6 weeks, I noticed that I was getting wider. The problem was, while i was getting wider, I wasn't getting thicker. To make a long story short, my junk is now shaped like a canoe paddle or better yet, a beaver tail. When I wear tight jeans, it looks like I have an enema bag in my pants. You might be laughing at this point, but I've learned to adapt. I am now able to make sweet love to any woman, no matter how big their vaginas are. All I have to do is roll my johnson up to the right diameter, and then go in for the plunge. I've often considered having surgery to restore my talent to it's original size, but this book has really helped me cope with my enormously wide throbbing python of love.

My Area Sales Manager is a huge penis.

I have to go to work every day and live with him and his BS.

"How to live with a huge penis" sounds like the perfect book to teach me how to survive this workaday scenario with my sanity intact.

I can't wait for it to arrive!!

I purchased this book for my husband as a joke. He has a micropenis and is usually willing to joke about Little Napoleon, but when he opened this at the office Christmas party he was less than entertained. In fact, he locked himself in the copy room and threatened to throw himself out the window! Luckily, his office is on the ground floor and there are no windows in the copy room.

Since that incident, he has become increasingly paranoid that his employees know about his little problem. He's being ridiculous, of course; he's been having an affair with his secretary for years, and if she was going to spill his secret I'm sure she'd have done so by now.

My sister sent him a Smile on a Stick®, which will hopefully cheer him up.

UPDATE: My husband had an allergic reaction to his Smile on a Stick® and had to be hospitalized. He is literally allergic to happiness.

For the last 29 years, i have struggled with having to carry around this huge package. This book gives practical advice and techniques for those of us burdened with enourmous junk. Or, if you are just trying to get laid, this could be a great conversation starter if you leave on your coffee table.

Browsing through books with my sister we found this. We were looking for something hilarious to send to my boyfriend, as he lives several states away, to cheer his butt up. After browsing through the pages and laughing hysterically, I couldn't tell if the guy who wrote it was joking or not at some points. So needless to say we shared a demented giggle and sent it his way. Actually this book wasn't even for his penis, just as a sort of joking complimentary thing.
His brother opened the box for him since everyone likes to open his mail, and I sat in the corner rocking back and forth mortified because he's a creeper.
But my boyfriend had a good laugh :3 Excellent and extremely funny!

This book was hilarious. The tone stays serious throughout the whole book as it talks about the enormous grief experienced by anyone who suffers from Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG). It is also an excellent "coffee table book" that instantly becomes a conversation piece. If you buy this book you will be amused.