Customer Reviews

Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life

5 star:		(16)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

While the title of this book belittles its depth, I'm glad it was titled so simply. I am going through a divorce right now and living alone for the first time in my life. I'm trying to learn to live alone, so I have been drawn to self-help books on the topic. I went in wanting a self-help book, but this is much better. I didn't know what I needed. This book was it. Beautiful writing, practical suggestions, personal experiences and metaphors that really made me think - It's all here.

This book is a celebration of living alone. It doesn't tell you how to bide your time while you wait for a new relationship to come along. It describes the very profound personal experiences of someone who has lived alone for a long time and is good at it. Reading it has made me feel lucky to have so much time to fill myself without the needs of another to consider. I probably will eventually meet someone else, and that is OK. But I know that for as long as I don't, I will be able to relish living alone as a perfectly wonderful (heck - almost better) option.

Living alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. There's an attitude shift that can occur that can make it possible to feel interconnected with everyone who passes through our lives. After reading this book, I want to take that time to learn the banjo, write songs, and travel alone to Peru. I have also come to appreciate that although I am not in a relationship right now, nor am I ready to be in one, I can appreciate the male (and female) relationships I have in my life in a new way.

As an added bonus, Barbara Feldon write beautifully. "When we live alone time and freedom are at the service of our muse in a way that artists in a relationship might envy." Gems like this are woven throughout, along with well-chosen quotes from other authors. I like the ones by Rilke best.

I recommend this book unreservedly to anyone looking to find pleasure in solitude, meaning in life, a feeling of interconnectedness with the world, and themselves.

Loved the book because it was so helpful to me personally. I lost my wife to brain cancer 2 1/2 years ago and was having difficult time making it alone.The biggest help to me was the chapter on "Creativity is the quickest route to our truest selves."

For months now, I suppose like other grievors, maybe men more than women, I was always searching for another "partner" but of course no one could equal the woman I lost.

While in Vancouver over Christmas, I found this book, read it in one night, and my life has changed for the better.

Well, I wish Barbara could know how much help she has given to me,
and I wish she had put her e-mail address in the book so I could tell her simply that.

The author of this book, Barbara Feldon, was once on the series Get Smart, as the spy "99." She has been through a divorce and even though she started out nervous and felt lonely, she was able to live alone and finally appreciate it.

I was attracted to this book. I am always drawn to the books that emphasize how being "single" or "alone" is not a scary thing. In today's society, from friends or family, you are constantly pushed to be with another person, to get married or have kids. Even though this is everyone's right, it isn't the answer for everyone.

I was expecting a guided list of how to live alone and love it. This was not what was within the book. It was full of wisdom and life lessons. On some parts, I felt as though she were reading my mind what I was never able to verbalize.

She writes: "Living alone gives us the freedom to nourish the things we love wihtout the constraints of a partner's timetable or his or her conflicting desires." This is not to say that we can't fulfill our hobbies or our dreams with someone else there. I think the problem is that we become distracted with taking care of this other person, like having a constant guest in our home. When you live alone, there seems to be more time to get to know yourself and what you love.

This is not a "don't get involved with others in a romantic way." It's quite the contrary. Some people are deeply fulfilled by another person sharing their life, and others have too much they want to fulfill on their own. She writes. "...a love life is not a need like food and air, it's a desire. If we don't eat or breathe, we die; we don't die from unsatisfied passion. Having to set aside romance from time to time is only tormenting if we choose to view it that way."

I loved this passage. "I learned that there are ways to experience romance outside of sexual possession. I had savored for the first time what the sixteenth-century essayist Montaigne called 'passionate friendship': one that is deeply loving, unconditional, and heightened to the level of poetry. We delighted in each other's company, expressed ourselves freely, and brought out the best in each other. Not all conventional relationships call make those claims. There were so many delights that the lack of a sexual component wasn't felt as a deficit." I have experienced this very thing, but I couldn't describe it. There are more ways to connect than just with one person. We connect with people all of the time, but sometimes, we are too busy to notice, or don't put our finger on it why it felt so good to have a passing conversation with a stranger or acquaintance. You will never be lonely if you don't put yourself out there. (Spoken from a true introvert, who also tends to be shy as well.)

Does this mean that I won't couple up? No, I have a boyfriend. Does this mean that I would never get married? No, not exactly. What does this mean? The significance for me is that someone echoes my true feelings about being single. It's not evil, it's not lonely, it's just something that is easier to handle when you are comfortable and love yourself. It also gives you more time to travel around the world which I hope to do someday. If I find myself single again, I hope that I take advantage of all the things single life offered me.

I broke up with my fiance after deciding that the marriage didn't seem right. It was my first time in 7 years to be without a boyfriend.

At first, I was skeptical about how this book could help me since it seemed more like an autobiography than a manual.

Despite my doubts, this book turned out to be my mantra, especially the first chapter where Barbara Feldon discusses loneliness. One of the key observations was that some people think that they can get rid of loneliness just by enduring long boughts of it. However, she said that enduring loneliness won't help because contact with other humans is our lifeblood.

After being alone and then working on finding friends, I find this so true. Think about your happy memories. Isn't it based upon people or friends? Mine are, and I am much happier to find human support.

My other favorite chapter is the chapter on financial matters. The reason that I like it is because she explains that money means freedom. That just rang so true to my life.

Anyway, I took the advice in the book. I am not lonely anymore. I have a lot of friends now. I don't have any lovers now. I am happy, and my life is healing from the sores of insecurity and sadness that unhappy relationships can bring. Thanks Barbara for your wonderful insight. I wish you the same happiness that I have.

This book was very insightful. It is well written and a "must read" for anyone needing an uplift. Regardless of being married or single, it will bring a smile to your face. It is obvious that Barbara Feldon (the author) has a positive out look and she is willing to share that happiness with her readers. I hope she writes another book.

I have read and reread this book. I have recommended to someone I know and she has also recommended this book to others. I love the way she writes and the personal examples she uses. It is very easy to read and to understand. Anyone single of either sex will appreciate this book. It doesn't matter whether you are divorced, separated, widowed, or never married (like me). I am surrounded by people in my life who are happily married and urging me to get in a relationship. It is nice to have this book to remind me that it is okay to be single. This doesn't have to be a couples' world. I am not someone who typically dates "around" so it's great to feel like there is nothing wrong with me because I am single and not currently dating. Being alone and being lonely are not the same things. Barbara Feldon clearly expresses this. She even gives tips to overcoming loneliness. In fact, there is a whole chapter on the subject. She emphasizes the positive aspects of being alone.

After recently becomming single and living alone for the first time since my highschool love at 12 I now 24 years old was scared and upset. I bought books to pass the time and must say that out of every book iv read on living alone and being single (and iv read a lot) this was the first one that hit the spot. it made me feel good, empowered, not like some reject that didnt know how to date or needed taught how to flirt, but just as a single adult who needed to know how to like ones self. I would recommend this to anyone who has any fears about being alone.

I think this book was not only amusing to read, but also completely helpful. I was at a crossroads with my singleness and after reading it, I feel refreshed and ready to start afresh with all new perspectives. Barbara reminded me and taught me of things I needed to learn or once again to remember and I thank her very much for her insights.

This book was such a ride! Since I grew up watching Agent 99 on Get Smart, as a kid, reading her book felt very intimate. I just kept thinking, "NOT AGENT 99!," as I read about the ups and downs in her personal and love life. Yet, it isn't a celebrity expose. Her words are meant to inspire and go beyond the shallow genre of gossip. You really do forget that this woman was a television icon because she is very down to earth and generous in spirit. As many other readers here have shared, I could not put this book down. I found it inspiring and helpful. Excellent!!!

I am so grateful for this book and to Barbara Feldon to write it for us.
It prepared me for the holidays and how to plan for them so I could get through them. I am thankful that she helped me avoid pitfalls during vacations. And her clear and simple direction about designing my financial independence put me on the right track. Her wonderful hints how to have nice highlights with people with whom we interact all the time is making my daily life filled with kindness and friendly smiles. I still refer to her book all the time when I need to remind myself to be kind to myself and when the solo life gets rough sometimes. It is a must-have!