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Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment Paperback – September 1, 2013


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Living and Loving after Betrayal: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment + Love Without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One + How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Living and Loving after Betrayal offers a strong rope out of the quicksand of misery and despair that couples sink into after a betrayal. Stosny’s guide to healing the heartache of betrayal is the most helpful I have seen in twenty-five years of clinical practice."
Ronald J. Coughlin, EdD, licensed psychologist with twenty-five years in full-time private practice



"Since a pain-free life isn’t possible, we need to understand and follow the wisdom provided in Living and Loving after Betrayal. Stosny, one of today’s most highly respected relationship experts, understands how to grow and have a more satisfying life after being deeply hurt by others. This is a deceptively simple tool kit for effectively handling the full range of relationship disappointments and heartaches."
Jon Carlson, PsyD, EdD, distinguished professor in the Division of Psychology & Counseling, Governors State University



"This is a remarkably wise and compassionate guide to healing from intimate betrayal. It will help you recover the best of yourself rather than remain stuck in anger or anxiety. I will ask my clients to read this book and I will give it to loved ones who are on a healing journey."
William J. Doherty, PhD, professor and director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project at the University of Minnesota, and author of Take Back Your Marriage.



"Stosny has broken new ground for individuals moving forward from any type of betrayal or violation of the intimate bonds of relationships. He takes the reader beyond hurt, even beyond healing, into the area of personal mastery by way of compassion. This book is a must read for anyone who has felt the pain and disappointment of a once-trusted relationship."
Pat Love, EdD, coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It and Never Be Lonely Again



"This excellent book addresses an often-overlooked aspect of healing from betrayal, and that is self-healing. When people get hurt, their attention usually turns to the perpetrator of the hurt—one’s partner. But part of the real work that needs to be done is on one's self.

"If you have felt the devastating effects of betrayal, this must-read book will help restore your inner resilience and faith in yourself so you can get through the difficult periods and thrive beyond them. Stosny's workbook-like exercises help you apply what you're learning to your own unique situation. You'll feel like you have a personal coach guiding you to better times!"
Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage



“In this manual, [Stosny] offers a pathway to recovery based on maxims similar to those found in books such as Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking. … The book takes readers beyond verbal affirmations to taking actions that provide a meaningful basis for moving ahead with the healing process. …”
Kirkus Reviews

About the Author

Steven Stosny, PhD, is founder of CompassionPower, a successful anger-regulation program that he has directed for more than twenty years. In addition, he has treated more than six thousand people through his organization. He has appeared on many major media programs, including several appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show. He is author of Love without Hurt and You Don't Have to Take It Anymore, and coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary's College of Maryland, and he currently has a blog on www.psychologytoday.com.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 248 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (September 1, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608827526
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608827527
  • Product Dimensions: 0.5 x 5.8 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #67,025 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower in suburban Washington, DC. Dr. Steven Stosny's most recent books are, Love without Hurt: Turn Your Resentful, Angry, or Emotionally Abusive Relationship into a Compassionate, Loving One and How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love beyond Words. He has appeared on 'The Oprah Winfrey Show,' 'CBS Sunday Morning,' and CNN's 'Talkback Live' and 'Anderson Cooper 360' and has been the subject of articles in, The New York Times, The Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, The Wall Street Journal, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, AP, Reuters, and USA Today. He has offered hundreds of workshops all over the world and has presented at most of the leading professional conferences. A consultant in family violence for the Prince George's County Circuit and District courts, as well as for several mental health agencies in Maryland and Virginia, he has treated over 4,500 clients for various forms of resentment, anger, abuse, and violence. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary's College of Maryland.

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful By G. B. Mock on October 11, 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Dr. Stosny has hit a grand slam home run, again. The healing approach in this book grows from the same fertile bed of research and clinical experience that made his boot camp for resentment, anger and abuse reduction so successful. It focuses on a betrayed person claiming and creating for him or herself a Healing Identity. This changes a betrayed person from a victim to an empowered person able to successfully choose improvement, healing, repair, recovery and growth over pain, suffering and shame. Betrayal can cause the betrayed person to feel inadequate and unlovable, the admission of which is too painful to admit. Stosny, as in the boot camp, provides practical steps that replace that loss of worth or value with ways to value yourself more, so much so that external adversity cannot touch the core of one's value. Stosny goes on to provide very wise counsel and steps when one betrayed seeks to love again, either in a new relationship, or in rebuilding a betrayed relationship. This reviewer is a marriage counselor, who has used Dr. Stosny's approach, now wonderfully set forth in this book, with many couples over the past years. It works, and works very effectively. This book is easily accessible by non-clinically trained readers, as it is written for the betrayed partner. Counselors and therapists will find it a valuable resource to grow their skills in helping couples and to give to couples with whom they work. This reviewer cannot recommend this book more highly. It warrants wide distribution to both audiences: couples and clinicians.
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful By A.R.T. on January 29, 2014
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This was a helpful read with a really valuable and important premise. However, if you have history of trauma, this book should be used in conjunction with professional help. I really like the idea of building a healing identity and investing in your core value as a path to healing. Some things I thought were lacking: 1) the traumatic nature of betrayal was inadequately dealt with 2) self-compassion is a vital part of the recommendations in this book but it was not fleshed out well 3) there is was not enough instruction on how to help yourself when you feel vulnerable emotions. That being said I've gained something quite useful from reading this book and would recommend reading this while working with a professional. Betrayal is rarely something that can be worked through on your own.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Diana Papenfus on February 20, 2014
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The gist of the story is a profoundly loving one. That is, by loving oneself and recognising one's own true value, you can actively place yourself in an enabling position/s. The practical advice and tasks, associated with the admonition that work must be done by the so called 'victim' to change ingrained behaviours, is very encouraging.
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Dr. Stosny gives us an amazing set of tools with which to navigate through situations which may have been built up over years and years - resentments, betrayals, neglect, etc. If you want to free yourself through compassion and forgiveness, here it is. It has quite literally helped me change my life, bring my attention and focus actions and insights that are geared toward health and happiness. I am eternally grateful and have bought several copies to give to friends so I can share this gift!
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By A. Schmidt on March 30, 2014
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You do not have to have been betrayed in a relationship to benefit from this book. Yes I found this book while in a marital therapy program but I desperately needed to learn to deal with Trauma responses and PTSD. I have recommended it and has spread like wild fire to not only members of my group, but facilitators, counselors, etc. Any person interested in becoming the best person they can be can read this book and still relate. Dr. Stosny is an emotional gift from the heavens to anyone that takes the time to read his work.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Alicia on June 5, 2014
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This book gave me a lot of useful ideas and exercises that I can put in place now to heal and recover from my spouses infidelity. It has helped me to focus more on the future and how I can move forward rather than obsess about the past.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By Nancy M. on April 27, 2014
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This book presented an approach to healing that was unusual and effective. I found it very helpful and have put his ideas into practice.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful By Jeannie Wilson on September 7, 2014
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This is an excellent book for all those who have suffered intimate betrayal. It doesn't matter how long it's been since discovery. This book is helpful at every stage of working through the hurt and the immense pain and focusing on gaining back self esteem and self value. Dr. Stosny focuses the first 2/3 of the book on the betrayed person teaching them how to get in touch with their core values with enhancing exercises and examples. The last 1/3 is focused on moving on either in a new relationship or with the remorseful and changed betrayer. The sections on trust and forgiveness really spoke to me. Thanks for a great book that I have highlighted and will go over frequently.
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