Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers (Hardcover)

by Mike McManus (Author), Harriett McManus (Author), Chuck Colson (Foreword)
Key Phrases: marriage savers, premarital inventory, mentor couples, Community Marriage Policy, Fourth Presbyterian, United States (more...)

Editorial Reviews

Review
"Mike and Harriet McManus are playing a key part in the restoration of marriage in America. They have teamed up with more than 10,000 clergy in over 200 cities to establish Community Marriage Policies. An independent study reports that in their first 122 communities, divorce rates fell 17.5 percent in seven years, with some plunging 50 percent, cohabitation rates dropped by a third, and marriage rates are rising as a result of the Community Marriage Policies. Mike and Harriet are not only passionate, they are effective. I highly recommend you join with them in the mission to restore marriage in America." -- Tony Perkins, president, Family Research Council

"In this groundbreaking book, Mike and Harriet McManus dispel the myth that living together before marriage leads to "happily ever after" and give the secrets for making marriages succeed. No one is more qualified to help couples prepare for marriage. Based on their years of training over 4,000 Mentor Couples and their personal 97 percent marriage-saving success rate in their own church, Mike and Harriet offer couples marriage insurance no one should ever live without!" -- Claudia & David Arp, founders, Marriage Alive International, and authors of 10 Great Dates Before You Say "I Do"

"Mike and Harriet McManus are doing their level best to alert Americans that cohabitation increases rather than decreases the likelihood of divorce. The authors, who have devoted their lives to the cause of marriage, have written a well-researched and practical book. It deserves close attention by young people, their parents, and by the Church. Living Together provides youth with the insights and tools needed to avoid what could be one of the costliest mistakes of their lives and shows them the path to a happy and lasting marriage." -- George H. Gallup, Jr., founding chairman of the Gallup International Institute

"For too long, church leaders have ignored cohabitation. This book is a wake-up call on the extent of the problem -- with encouraging, proven answers. It is must-reading for every pastor and lay leader." -- Reverend Richard Cizik, vice president of the National Association of Evangelicals

Product Description

IS LIVING TOGETHER THE ANSWER?

Since the late 1960s, the number of couples living together before marriage has increased significantly, as this phenomenon was thought to be the answer to obtaining a successful marriage. The theory that couples could "practice" seemed a perfect solution to an increasingly higher divorce rate. "After all," many argued, "if we live together first, we will really know if we're compatible."

Mike and Harriet McManus, co-founders of the Marriage Savers® organization, argue in this important book that theory and reality are often not the same. They take a fundamental position that one can not practice permanence, and unless a marriage is established as permanent, a couple will not approach it the same way. This significant finding has come from the McManuses' fifteen years of studying marriage and divorce and their desire to help couples build strong marriages that last a lifetime.

In the pages of this book, you will discover that the divorce rate is actually higher among couples who live together before marriage, as well as important principles that really do give couples the necessary tools for a successful marriage.

Consider this book an investment in yours or someone else's marriage. Whether you are a counselor seeking to help others in their marriage, a parent helping a child as he or she is contemplating living with someone, a pastor who needs a reliable tool to help couples in his ministry, or a person considering living with someone yourself, this book is for you!

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: Howard Books (March 4, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416550984
• ISBN-13: 978-1416550983
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #419,130 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Living Together Myths, Risks & Answers, May 14, 2008

By	Dr. Ann Gries - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

The book, Living Together Myths, Risks & Answers by Mike and Harriet McManus is a great tool for pastors, parents, and those concerned about cohabitation. Mike and Harriet have decades of experience in working to strengthen marriage. They have tirelessly traveled to hundreds of communities to establish Community Marriage Policies, in which clergy, have pledged to offer more thorough marriage preparation. This has actually reduced divorce rates by an average of 17.5% and cohabitation rates by one-third! In my city of Evansville, IN more than 100 churches adopted reforms that resulted in the divorce rate down by 20% and marriage rate risen by 16%.

This book gives wonderful information to support the cause of traditional marriage. Our culture today has accepted cohabitation to the detriment of society. Couples who live together before marriage are at a very high risk of divorce. This book will give you the facts and figures. Mike and Harriet cite research to back up their statements. This is a great book to give to those whao are cohabiting. It will open their eyes to the reality of their situation. Many women believe that living together will lead to marriage but according to this book, men usually choose to live with a woman for convenience. There are interesting stories woven througout the book to keep your interest.

I recommend Living Together Myths, Risks & Answers to everyone who cares about the future of our families and the stability of our country.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The unpopular truth, May 27, 2008

By	Stephen D. Hull - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers The authors take on and dismantle many of the current popular beliefs surrounding the idea that co-habitation is "no big deal". Using large amounts of study data, in addition to their own experiences in working with engaged couples, the authors demonstrate convincingly that no single choice is more destructive to the long-term prospects of establishing a lasting relationship.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Cohabitation: How Not To Succeed in Marriage, September 13, 2008

By	Debby Caulfield (Springfield, Va. USA) - See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

Living Together Myths, Risks & Answers by Mike and Harriet McManus (Howard Books, 2008, 234 pages) is not a book for people who ignore the facts and blindly accept popular beliefs concerning cohabitation. Rather, the book is written for discerning couples (and their parents, clergy, and friends) who truly trust and respect each other and seek a healthy, rewarding, long-term marriage.

Cohabitation, as defined by Webster's, is "to live together as husband and wife usually without legal or religious sanction." Forty years ago it was known as "shacking up" or "living in sin" but today the politically correct terms are "living together" or "trial marriage." Mike and Harriet McManus, co-founders of the Marriage Savers® organization (trained our marriage mentor couples -- Aug 2008 Good News) use large amounts of study data, in addition to their own experiences in working with engaged couples, to demonstrate convincingly that no single choice is more destructive to the long-term prospects of establishing a lasting relationship than cohabitation. They take a fundamental position that one can not practice permanence, and unless a marriage is established as permanent, a couple will not approach it the same way.

This book is a wake-up call on the extent of the problem of cohabitation -- with encouraging, proven answers. It convincingly demonstrates that cohabitation increases rather than decreases the likelihood of divorce. The book notes that people cohabit for a variety of reasons, but the result is generally the same, regardless of the motivation: a failed relationship, whether marriage resulted or not. The book details the risks and dangers of cohabitation and its disproportionate impact on women and children.

The Extent of the Problem
* The number of never-married Americans soared from 21 million in 1970 to 60 million in 2006 (largely because women are agreeing to live in unwed relationships with men)
* Of cohabiting couples, 41 percent have children living with them
* At any given time, 5.4 million couples are living together (cohabiting.org among the many surveys and research cited)

Just the Facts
* Eight out of ten cohabiting relationships will fail before or after the wedding
* Half of cohabiting relationships end within fifteen months - without a wedding
* Couples who marry after living together are fifty percent more likely to divorce than those who remain apart before the wedding - the longer one cohabits, the greater the danger of a future divorce
* Cohabiting couples who marry face much greater odds of divorce - 67 percent as opposed to the usual 45 percent for first marriages
* There is more infidelity in cohabiting relationships than among married couples
* Children of cohabiting couples are more likely to experience emotional problems, alcoholism and drug abuse

The book examines twelve key myths about cohabitation and refutes each. It lists the top ten reasons why men won't commit and identifies seven less-recognized underlying issues driving the twelve fold increase in the number of cohabiting couples. It details male and female motivations to cohabit - generally men for convenience; women to get a marriage proposal.

The authors outline a better way to test whether a couple's relationship is strong enough to build a life long marriage in a five step approach:

1. Take a premarital inventory such as PREPARE or FOCCUS that ask the couples whether they agree or disagree with 150+ statements like these:

- At times I am concerned about the silent treatment I get from my future spouse.
- I am concerned that my future spouse spends money foolishly.
- I would like to change some of the ways we solve problems

The inventory gives the couple an objective overview of their strengths as a couple, and areas for future growth. It also provides a bridge for older couples to mentor those preparing for marriage.

2. Meet with a trained Mentor Couple in a healthy marriage, to discuss the issues surfaced by the inventory. Mentor Couples review the inventory with the mentorees and discuss the unique issues that each couple has revealed about themselves.

3. Learn skills of communication and conflict resolution. Mentor Couples are trained to administer a series of exercises designed to help couples learn to resolve conflict in a way that is mutually respectful. The major reasons that couples divorce is that they have not learned the skills of conflict resolution that can be taught in a few hours.

4. Move apart. Couples who are cohabiting have a diminished quality of their relationship that can be improved by moving apart and going through the thorough marriage preparation process outlined above. Many arguments will cease. This approach will increase the couple's long-term odds for success.

5. Remain chaste or stop having sex until the wedding. This is the hardest step to take, but studies show that the sexually active are much more likely to divorce than those who are chaste. The sexually active are two-thirds more likely to divorce. Remaining chaste until the wedding increases their chances for success.

Consider this book an investment in your or someone else's marriage. Whether you are a mentor seeking to help others in their marriage, a parent helping a child as he or she is contemplating living with someone, a pastor who needs a reliable tool to help counsel couples, or a person considering living with someone yourself, this book is well worth the read. The book can be previewed online (Foreword by Chuck Colson, Chapters 1-7 and 9-10 extracts, Appendix A, and Notes) at: http://books.google.com/books?id=4QZA_AzsR2oC&pg=PA225&lpg=PA225&dq=cohabiting.org&source=web&ots=jsspm88EBe&sig=K_eA7o84DiNA1_G-8ac3DAR3rA8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=2&ct=result#PPP1,M1