Customer Reviews

Living When a Loved One Has Died: Revised Edition

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My husband died at 47 of lung cancer. I went to grief counseling and purchased any book or piece of information I could find to help me through the grieving process. This book, by far, has helped me the most. It was easy to read when my concentration level was at an all- time low. This was written by someone who has obviously been through this experience. I keep several copies of this book on hand to give to friends as the need arises.

This is a book that can be read and re-read many times. It has brought me great peace and comfort over these last 4 years.

Thank you so much Rabbi Grollman!

My mother died unexpectedly two months ago after fracturing her hip. I was her sole caregiver (she had moderate stage Alzheimer's) and even though I was preparing myself for her first being in a nursing home and ultimately her death years down the road, this sudden passing away left me totally empty and void. I didn't know what to feel except that I had let her down somehow. I had always promised her I would take care of her and not let anything bad happen to her. I found myself emotionless with regard to anything except grief. Then I found this book two weeks ago, took it home and read it. This book touches upon every emotion you go through when you grieve. It is not written as a self-help book. It does not tell you what some professionals think you should be doing to continue living in spite of your loss. It is simple. The sentences are short. It tells you that it is alright to feel the way you do. I have kept my book on my coffee table ever since and have picked it up twice already when I was feeling low. I will definitely be giving this book as a gift to friends as the occasion warrants.

I bought this book sight unseen, simply because I think he's a terrific author on death. He speaks the language of the commoner regarding death.

I was shocked to find the entire book is written as a series of poems. Originally it threw me off, but as I read the book I was better able to appreciate the impact of using that format for these words. I originally purchased the book for a close friend who was about to observe the 1st anniversary of her sister's death. I hadn't realized how much her sister's death affected me until I read this book and couldn't give it to my friend. I had to buy another copy just for her.

The poems said exactly what I had been feeling through all my grieving stages but hadn't found words to express them. It was a godsend.

This is not for those who are in the first weeks of loss. The honesty of the text can be hard to deal with while the loss is still new. However, when I needed to finally let go after the death of my grandmother in 1996, this book was a trememdous help to me. It was the catalyst that finally got my emotions flowing and helped me to process the grief. I had been walking around in the "grief bubble" for weeks and wanted to cut through the blackness surrounding me. The passages inside were the catalyst I needed to finally get my emotions flowing and process the grief when I lost my grandmother and, later, my father. This is the gift I give to friends when they are ready to move on and step out of the shadow of loss.

My husband Jim died at the age of 50. We had been together since 1972, 27 years, and had grown up together. Jim was a Vietnam veteran and suffered from the effects of Agent Orange that over the years manifested itself in many ways. His tired body finally gave up after many years of suffering. But he fought it with everything he had - and survived many years beyond what the doctors told him he would live. But in the end, he knew it was time to go and he did it with dignity. A friend gave me this book and at first I could not read it, then slowly I would open it and read a little, and then a little more. I can't tell you how many times I have read it now. It is reality, simple and to the point. It is easy to read and it is me, it is scary how much it is me. And now I have a friend who just lost her husband and I am sending it to her so that she can read it and hopefully get the comfort and understanding that only we can know.

I never experienced the death of someone close to me until my brother died. This book seemed to put into beautiful and comforting words all the feelings I couldn't verbalize. It made me feel normal and not as though i was losing my mind with grief. I recommend it to ANYONE surviving through grief.

This book was the most helpful and supportive thing I found when dealing with my grandmother's death. All the friends and family members I turned to did their best. I even went to counseling and the therapist was wonderful. But I really began and was able to deal with my grief when I found this book.

Since then, each time someone I love has lost someone they love, I have bought them a copy of this book.

Thank you Mr. Grollman.

As a clergyperson for many decades, I have recommended this book more than any other to parishioners, whose loved one has died, given it to friends in the same situation and used it myself when I suffered the loss of a very special loved one. For most of us in today's world, we are rather isolated from the reality of death and what people truly go through when a loved one dies.
The folks we love often die in an institution. They are then handed over to a mortician, who usually "prepares" the body to look "good." And even the burial often takes place after we leave and the dirt used to bury our loved one is covered with artificial grass until we are gone. And so often, even our close friends will offer some consolation for a while, but they covertly hope that we will "get over it" and move on fairly quickly. But that is not the real world that I lived through when my loved one died. I have never "gotten over it" and never will. There are times when the sharpness of grieving for him comes over me with the same searing power it had so many years ago. If someone we have truly loved dies, our lives are permanently altered. And the wonderful thing about Grollman's book is that it names the reality of what grieving is truly like. It's like, "At last, there is someone who knows what I am going through and gives it names, but he shares his thoughts in such a way that I can feel that healing will come at its own pace, and that it is OK for it to be that way." It is a hopeful book because it real, but gently so. It is like having a friend who truly knows what we are going through and is willing to walk with us through this "shadowed valley." It is part of how the promise of God, to be with us so we don't have to be afraid of the journey, becomes a reality.
Dr. Wayne Bradley Robinson

I read this book after the death of my companion of 19 years. It helped me tremendously. I felt hopeless in my mourning and afraid of the future. Rabbi Grollman is incredibly compassionate and right on the mark. My sincere gratitude to him for writing this book. It saved my life.

Other reviewers describe this book as gentle. It was definitely not gentle for me -- my husband has been gone two months and this book shattered me like glass. Reality is fine and we all need to seek it at our own pace after a loss but this book hits you in the face with it. I am glad others have found it helpful but to me it was devastating. I felt wounded and was useless for the whole day I read it.