105 of 107 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
There is gold in the shadow, November 21, 2008
This review is from: Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the...Second Half of Life (Hardcover)
This is not a book to just read in the ordinary sense of the term. This is a book that is best judged by the results it produces for the reader, and the reader will need to work, not just read, to attain them. I read the book. I did the work. I gained some splendid benefits. For that reason, the following essay is as much a testimonial as a review.
We all have unlived lives. In the process of making the decisions that defined our destinies, we decided not to do other things, which often were things we very much wanted to do, but for circumstantial reasons we could not. These desires may not just go away. They might, and often do go underground, into our subconscious minds, which silently remind us of unfinished business, of things we are "incomplete" with, or of things--sometimes we don't even know what they are--that need to be "fixed" before we are worthy of enjoying an ocean view. They find ways to seep out of us, in little acts of self-sabotage, in disruptions to our concentration when we're trying to work, in sudden uncontrollable obsessions, or in strange dreams. Or they exist as a set of values and beliefs about ourselves and the world that limit our options as we see them and lock us into a state of bland resignation to a life that seems destined to fall short, maybe by a long way, of the hopes and expectations we had when we were young.
The authors take this universal aspect of human experience as their point of departure. In the early chapters of the book, they help you to become aware of this and to apply it to yourself. You begin to see that there is a shadow within you, a repository of your unlived lives. . .other people's unlived lives, too. You begin to see how these have impelled the trajectory that your life has followed. You might even see how these unlived lives affected how you got to where you are, and where you think you want to go from there. Or not go. That is the question, isn't it?
In the middle of the book you are invited to create a dialogue with yourself, or rather, between two of your "selves." It is helpful in this connection to let go of the idea that we are "one," that we are unitary, integrated beings with a single persona that is always in control and always consistent, whether we are asleep or awake, aware or on automatic pilot. The truth is that most of us are just psycho-physical apparatuses playing the role of the rope in a tug-of-war between the gang of selves that live within us. It would be good, even empowering to know more about the members of this gang, and that is where we are led by the authors and the exercises they invite us to do.
In response to the authors' invitation, I found a couple of these entities and had conversations (on paper) with them. It was one of the more productive exercises in self-awareness I have ever done: I was liberated immediately from a complex I had carried for most of my life concerning money. I reviewed a couple of long-standing relationships in my life that had masqueraded as friendships for years and decided what to do about them. That was liberating, too. Not least, I made an important career decision. These were all good things.
There are a number of other exercises, some more effective than others (for me). One involved creating drawings, one on each side of a piece of paper, of the opposite ends of a polarity in your life. I resisted doing this at first since I am not much of an artist. I did it anyway. To my surprise, the effort produced an attractive set of drawings that became the basis of a powerful moment of awareness concerning the way I approached my work. I attained additional clarity on that career decision I mentioned earlier. This was a very good thing, too. And by the way, it was fun to do.
Living Your Unlived Life isn't for beginners on the path. Readers who are already familiar with Jungian concepts, or who have invested serious time in one or another technique of meditation, or who have already done fairly considerable "work on themselves" will have a much easier time with this book than newcomers. Having said that, I believe anyone can benefit from this book, as long as it is treated more as a study than as a read. Just be sure to do the exercises and take them seriously.
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64 of 68 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Experiencing a well-rounded life, January 26, 2008
This review is from: Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the...Second Half of Life (Hardcover)
From John Howard Prin, author of
Secret Keeping: Overcoming Hidden Habits and Addictions
I heartily recommend this book for everyone who yearns to live their dream. The authors have packed much wisdom into 200+ pages, all in a highly readable style. Their insights opened up many mysteries of the unconscious for me and showed healthy ways to experience freedom and fulfillment...to drink life to the last drop.
What I learned was: No matter what path in life we choose, other paths must go "unchosen." Some of those unchosen paths are deeply connected to who we really are and want to be, but priorities during our growing-up years such as college, career, marriage, and raising a family often trump them. As we build our lives, certain key choices naturally go excluded.
When an early gift for music gets put aside in adolescence, for example, it can lurk in the shadows for decades -- calling for our attention and demanding a stronger presence in our lives. Gifts and talents like these, long "unlived," become more insistent as we reach mid-life and beg for expression and full appreciation. Whenever possible, we should get out of our comfort zone and "just do it," rather than waiting until it's too late. As the popularity of the movie The Bucket List attests, this message resonates strongly among millions of people.
But whenever our limits or circumstances make it impossible, there is still good news -- there is another way, an inner way. The authors explain how using techniques such as "active imagination" can fulfill one's potential and lead to lasting satisfaction, rather than our having to wallow in neurotic suffering. Simply put, living symbolically -- and many useful passages demonstrate how -- is the avenue to satisfying our hunger for the unlived life "without upending the life you have worked so hard to build."
Thankfully, LIVING YOUR UNLIVED LIFE shows us ways to live out these tensions in healthy ways and to experience the fulfillment of a well-rounded life that we all long for.
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37 of 42 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Well-written, practical and wise, December 15, 2007
This review is from: Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the...Second Half of Life (Hardcover)
An insightful invitation to the "second half of life" (which is always there, before, during, and after "mid-life"). With the help of a "guiding myth" (Castor & Pollux), Johnson and Ruhl engage the reader in an illuminating quest for personal wholeness through Story, Inner Work, Active Imagination and Dreams. Helpful exercises are included along the way (I see a workbook edition coming), and an Unlived Life Inventory is also provided as a brief tool for assessing personal dynamics.
Highly recommended!
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