Customer Reviews

Living Your Unlived Life: Coping with Unrealized Dreams and Fulfilling Your Purpose in the...Second Half of Life

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This is not a book to just read in the ordinary sense of the term. This is a book that is best judged by the results it produces for the reader, and the reader will need to work, not just read, to attain them. I read the book. I did the work. I gained some splendid benefits. For that reason, the following essay is as much a testimonial as a review.

We all have unlived lives. In the process of making the decisions that defined our destinies, we decided not to do other things, which often were things we very much wanted to do, but for circumstantial reasons we could not. These desires may not just go away. They might, and often do go underground, into our subconscious minds, which silently remind us of unfinished business, of things we are "incomplete" with, or of things--sometimes we don't even know what they are--that need to be "fixed" before we are worthy of enjoying an ocean view. They find ways to seep out of us, in little acts of self-sabotage, in disruptions to our concentration when we're trying to work, in sudden uncontrollable obsessions, or in strange dreams. Or they exist as a set of values and beliefs about ourselves and the world that limit our options as we see them and lock us into a state of bland resignation to a life that seems destined to fall short, maybe by a long way, of the hopes and expectations we had when we were young.

The authors take this universal aspect of human experience as their point of departure. In the early chapters of the book, they help you to become aware of this and to apply it to yourself. You begin to see that there is a shadow within you, a repository of your unlived lives. . .other people's unlived lives, too. You begin to see how these have impelled the trajectory that your life has followed. You might even see how these unlived lives affected how you got to where you are, and where you think you want to go from there. Or not go. That is the question, isn't it?

In the middle of the book you are invited to create a dialogue with yourself, or rather, between two of your "selves." It is helpful in this connection to let go of the idea that we are "one," that we are unitary, integrated beings with a single persona that is always in control and always consistent, whether we are asleep or awake, aware or on automatic pilot. The truth is that most of us are just psycho-physical apparatuses playing the role of the rope in a tug-of-war between the gang of selves that live within us. It would be good, even empowering to know more about the members of this gang, and that is where we are led by the authors and the exercises they invite us to do.

In response to the authors' invitation, I found a couple of these entities and had conversations (on paper) with them. It was one of the more productive exercises in self-awareness I have ever done: I was liberated immediately from a complex I had carried for most of my life concerning money. I reviewed a couple of long-standing relationships in my life that had masqueraded as friendships for years and decided what to do about them. That was liberating, too. Not least, I made an important career decision. These were all good things.

There are a number of other exercises, some more effective than others (for me). One involved creating drawings, one on each side of a piece of paper, of the opposite ends of a polarity in your life. I resisted doing this at first since I am not much of an artist. I did it anyway. To my surprise, the effort produced an attractive set of drawings that became the basis of a powerful moment of awareness concerning the way I approached my work. I attained additional clarity on that career decision I mentioned earlier. This was a very good thing, too. And by the way, it was fun to do.

Living Your Unlived Life isn't for beginners on the path. Readers who are already familiar with Jungian concepts, or who have invested serious time in one or another technique of meditation, or who have already done fairly considerable "work on themselves" will have a much easier time with this book than newcomers. Having said that, I believe anyone can benefit from this book, as long as it is treated more as a study than as a read. Just be sure to do the exercises and take them seriously.

From John Howard Prin, author of Secret Keeping: Overcoming Hidden Habits and Addictions

I heartily recommend this book for everyone who yearns to live their dream. The authors have packed much wisdom into 200+ pages, all in a highly readable style. Their insights opened up many mysteries of the unconscious for me and showed healthy ways to experience freedom and fulfillment...to drink life to the last drop.

What I learned was: No matter what path in life we choose, other paths must go "unchosen." Some of those unchosen paths are deeply connected to who we really are and want to be, but priorities during our growing-up years such as college, career, marriage, and raising a family often trump them. As we build our lives, certain key choices naturally go excluded.

When an early gift for music gets put aside in adolescence, for example, it can lurk in the shadows for decades -- calling for our attention and demanding a stronger presence in our lives. Gifts and talents like these, long "unlived," become more insistent as we reach mid-life and beg for expression and full appreciation. Whenever possible, we should get out of our comfort zone and "just do it," rather than waiting until it's too late. As the popularity of the movie The Bucket List attests, this message resonates strongly among millions of people.

But whenever our limits or circumstances make it impossible, there is still good news -- there is another way, an inner way. The authors explain how using techniques such as "active imagination" can fulfill one's potential and lead to lasting satisfaction, rather than our having to wallow in neurotic suffering. Simply put, living symbolically -- and many useful passages demonstrate how -- is the avenue to satisfying our hunger for the unlived life "without upending the life you have worked so hard to build."

Thankfully, LIVING YOUR UNLIVED LIFE shows us ways to live out these tensions in healthy ways and to experience the fulfillment of a well-rounded life that we all long for.

An insightful invitation to the "second half of life" (which is always there, before, during, and after "mid-life"). With the help of a "guiding myth" (Castor & Pollux), Johnson and Ruhl engage the reader in an illuminating quest for personal wholeness through Story, Inner Work, Active Imagination and Dreams. Helpful exercises are included along the way (I see a workbook edition coming), and an Unlived Life Inventory is also provided as a brief tool for assessing personal dynamics.

Highly recommended!

In the blurrrr of early-life demands people fail to realize how much of their potential they are suppressing. Now at age 87, Robert Johnson offers wisdom for the aging.

Having read most of the publications of Robert Johnson and used them almost as exercise books enhanced my life enormously during last years. The gratitude I feel urged me to write this review,

a) in order to thank to Johnson for his effective and compassionate guidance pointing the direction for inner peace and happiness ;

b) to thank to Jerry M. Ruhl, for his contributions and also for having persuaded Johnson to continue to publish books, as I've read somewhere Johnson explaining that he has decided to no more writing books and that Ruhl insisted that he continues;

c) and to remind other people that there is such a precious gift waiting for them to be received and which can be used by their struggle to cross the sea of life and to reach the cost of heaven.

In economics the concept of opportunity costs refers to what you forego when you take an action; that is, by choosing option A, you necessarily do not choose options B, C and D, and those are opportunity costs. The authors of this book similarly claim that by choosing to live in a certain way, either via values, beliefs or attitudes, you choose to not live in certain other ways. For example, if you choose to live a conservative life, you are simultaneously choosing not to live a more liberal, risky and spontaneous life. This other side of you, the unlived side, does not simply go away and disappear. Because people are whole and reflect both ends of the spectrum - good/evil, prude/promiscuous, etc - these unlived aspects of ourselves become repressed and lurk as shadows, to emerge occasionally in the light and usually not in a positive way. What to do? The authors recommend what they call "active imagination", or engaging with this unlived sides of ourselves via dreams and interaction with the symbols represented in them, for example. They also recommend holding conversations with our unlived selves and, where possible, "do and not do" the action or live the attitude which is lurking as a shadow. One of the authors gives a very poignant example of how he dealt with a physical disability of not being able to run by using toothpicks to create a running figure that represented him. He then used his imagination to fully experience what it would have been like to run against the wind. And this is one of the authors' major points: you must not just become intellectually aware of your unlived aspects, but experience them via active imagination. The material will need additional review for me, but I think there is a lot here that can help an individual grow not just psychologically but spiritually as well.

Every night as I read this book I wondered what my unconscious would have in store for me as I sleep. It seemed that by just reading this book my unconscious was stirred and I'd wake up having had a dream that revealed important messages for me in my life. The author through personal stories and professional examples states that our unconscious strives to reveal itself in our dreams providing us answers to what needs to be made conscious to further us on our own life's journey. If we take time to write down and explore these dreams, especially as we reach the 'middle years', we will uncover answers to how to make the most of our lives.

The book is very readable with stories, information and exercises that are understandable, doable and I am noticing I am able to integrate very sweetly into my life. At 55, this book is just what the Doctor ordered for my mid life questions!

Robert A. Johnson, renowed Jungian Analyst and Author of many well known books (He, She, etc.), offers a synthesis of his year-long experience on how to meet and interact with the figures of the unconscious psyche. Its a summary of the very essence of Jungian Psychology, namely the technique of Active Imagination as well as the Analysis of dreams. Johnson helps the reader to take responsibility for the happenings within his psyche by telling him how to actively interact with it. The author speaks to the reader with his clear and very poetic voice and makes the reading a delightful experience. He also offers easy to follow excercises to put into practice what he explains. Mostly, Robert A. Johnson, eases our fears or odd feelings about unlived life, regrets and dealing with this "other", that is called the Unconscious.

Having already made a tremendous and glorious shift at 48, I was surprised, at 58, to be drawn to this book. It's far more than a self-helper for one midlife change, but an essential, intelligent guide to moving through and embracing the entire journey from the midpoint forward.