Customer Reviews

Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact

5 star:		(7)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Dr. Erickson writes clearly about absent fathers from both her personal experience and a clinical standpoint. This is an excellent work because she succeeds in conveying important and complex psychological theory for laypersons to incorporate into their journey of healing.

Dads fail often and easily in their children's mind. But such failure is rarely, if ever, purposely intended by Dad. It is difficult for some suffering adults to know and believe today, based on lingering childhood experiences, and not seeing the best of Dad, that his deeds were not planned. This is largely due to the fact that, as kids, they had difficulty seeing their father's own personal struggles and social-cultural realities outside of their own needs as kids. In this respect, it is easy to understand that little boys and girls can't organize their feelings properly--or as Dr. Erickson calls it in an "abstract" manner: kids only really care about their own survival, central importance, and how much they deserve love while growing up. And this is good... However, unfortunately, what children fail to grasp as they pass through their childhood without an appropriate father, is that fatherhood is awfully difficult and that Dad's apparent behaviour should not lead a child to blame him or herself for what appears to be a lack of loving from him.

Many grown men and women carry flawed imprints of 'childish' conclusions with them into adulthood. Well, sometimes Dad was just a plain jerk... In any case, adults manifest it through agression, fear of men (boyfriends), feelings of inferiority around groups of men, passive aggression, and a host of other ways. Grown men and women often pass their feelings of inadequacy due to father loss to their own children by acting out like their own father. Cycles can perpetuate if left unchecked.

Dr. Erickson sets out diffenrent sources and impacts of father loss. One major strength of this book is that her typologies and descriptions of causes and effects of father loss speak to any affected reader's situation and history. This is done without making the reader feel boxed in or categorized.

Another major strength is the inclusion of several helpful appendices. They include meaningful and insightful comments and 'instructions' for spouses and potential therapists. These provide supporters to 'get on the same page' before, during and after the reader's healing journey.

For readers that are ready to accept the painful process of introspecting into the dad-child dynamic, this book helps as a guide towards forgiving Dad, overcoming grief, and, hey, maybe even getting your Dad back at some appreciative level.

Thanks Dr. Erickson; good luck fellow travellers.

If you're wondering why you settle for dead end relationships, alienate loved ones, or just have trouble relating in general, this book is for you. It provided me with the facts and explanations of behavior that a year of therapy had barely touched on. It also reads very well. Truly an empowering guide to living well in spite of father loss issues.

This book has changed my life, and I will be forever grateful. I feel like a new person. I know this may sound dramatic, and no, I don't know the author. It opened my eyes to sooooo much! Such wonderful news, that I'm NOT all that my 8 year old mind believed I was, for the last 20 years. And now I know the reasons why, and can take it as truth. This book is such a blessing. What a freedom I feel from the thinking that I wasn't good enough, or deserving of just about everything. That's gone, and I feel like I can do anything. I've given myself permission to actually like myself. I wish the same type of miracles to whomever else reads it, and of course, to my angel, the author!

I ordered this book because the author's father died while she was a child. Since my experience is similar to Erickson's, I thought there would be more discussion about deceased fathers. Instead the book seems to focus more on situations of divorce and abandonment. The author states that when a child's father dies, the child knows dad is not returning. I have heard time and again that a father's death is easier for a child to process than when a father simply leaves the family. Perhaps my view of this is skewed, but I couldn't help but feel that trying to understand my particular loss has again been discounted.

The following book provided more enlightenment and understanding: The Loss That is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father by Maxine Harris, PhD.

I purchased this book to help me understand a family member's issues with not knowing her father. It really gave me much needed insight on how this dilema impacts children. I have several other children in my family who will benefit from the knowledge I have gained from this book as they too begin to question the issue of their father's absence from their lives. It's a big issue in our country and couples should truly realize the effects not having a father present in their lives will have on children and make sure both partners are truly commited to a child long before conception.

I have really enjoyed this book. It is a great resource for the many people I have encountered who have issues of father loss and father abandonment. The book explains why you have such a fear of abandonment, and why you attract people who will later abandon you.

Good but left me feeling like it didn't cover aenough about how to move forward after processing how it can affect your life

I just scanned through the pages since I bought this book to help out a friend after he finally confessed he had abandonment issues (already knew that before he even said it). But, the first step to healing is recognizing that there is a problem. And since he didn't really know where to go from there I decided to do some research and bought him this book. By the looks of it the author breaks it down quickly and simply for the reader.

"Longing For Dad" is an incredible book. Dr. Beth's wisdom and insight is unsurpassed. It helped me rationalize and understand the whys behind my father's behavior. It opens your eyes unlike any other book on this topic. It is a must read!

Dr. Beth presents both the problems of longing for Dad as well as ways to heal from loss. Her compassion and wisdom come through on every page and make you feel as if she's right there with you helping you let go and move on. This is an excellent book for anyone who is looking to explore in depth their childhood and relationship with an absent father. The Food and Feelings Workbook: A Full Course Meal on Emotional Health, The Rules of "Normal" Eating: A Commonsense Approach for Dieters, Overeaters, Undereaters, Emotional Eaters, and Everyone in Between!, Nice Girls Finish Fat: Put Yourself First and Change Your Eating Forever, What Every Therapist Needs to Know about Treating Eating and Weight Issues
Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed.