Longing to Tell: Black Women Talk About Sexuality and Intimacy [Paperback]

Tricia Rose (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 1, 2004 | ISBN-10: 0312423721 | ISBN-13: 978-0312423728

In a culture driven by sexual and racial imagery, very few honest conversations about race, gender, and sexuality actually take place. In their absence, commonly held perceptions of black women as teenage mothers, welfare recipients, mammies, or exotic sexual playthings remain unchanged. For fear that telling their stories will fulfill society’s implicit expectations about their sexuality, most black women have retreated into silence. Tricia Rose seeks to break this silence and jump-start a dialogue by presenting, for the first time, the sexual testimonies of black women who span a broad range of ages, levels of education, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Both brilliantly conceived and sensitively executed, Longing to Tell is required reading for anyone interested in issues of race and gender.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Although American culture is heavy with sexual images and suggestion, honest dialogue about sex and its effects can be rare. According to Rose, an American studies professor at U.C.-Santa Cruz, this is especially true for black women, who are most often seen only in stereotypical roles (e.g., welfare mothers, voracious sexual playthings). Yet, she posits, sexuality and intimacy are an enormous part of black women's lives. Rather than use interview snippets to underscore her points, the author presents a collection of oral histories told by 20 women who describe their lives in rich, sometimes startling, detail. The format works well, and Rose steps in only occasionally, at section breaks, to point out the intersections and divergences readers might miss. The tales are heartbreaking, inspiring and brutally honest on topics like AIDS, domestic abuse, race, sexism and erotic adventures. Although the speakers' stories traverse a wide range of experiences, each one chronicles the pain and hard-won triumphs of trying to be a black woman in a society they often find cold and hostile. They speak out on their treatment by and attitudes toward black men in a way that is far removed from the popular fiction that they supposedly identify with. By letting the women speak for themselves and following the histories with a passionate afterword, Rose provides a collection that is as compelling as it is sorely needed.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Rose, professor of African American history, interviewed hundreds of black women in the course of her research for a scholarly book on black women's sexuality, then came to the realization that the women's voices deserved book space of their own. The result is a collection of 20 first-person narratives from a cross section of black women speaking frankly about a range of topics, such as coming-of-age, sexual abuse, drug addiction, marriage, divorce, AIDS, and interracial dating. Rose provides the broader context of social, racial, and gender issues, including concerns about perpetuating the stereotypes of black men and women as sexual animals and American standards of beauty that often exclude black women. The women themselves speak candidly in their powerful--sometimes painful, sometimes amusing--portraits: Diane, a 32-year-old wife with two children who has never learned to trust men; Rita, a 26-year-old more attracted to white men than black; Linda Rae, a 48-year-old former prostitute and drug addict who is HIV-positive. Readers interested in race and gender issues will appreciate this revealing book. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 432 pages
• Publisher: Picador (April 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0312423721
• ISBN-13: 978-0312423728
• Product Dimensions: 8.5 x 5.6 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #891,001 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

36 of 37 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Longing to Hear!, June 12, 2003

By A Customer

This review is from: Longing to Tell: Black Women's Stories of Sexuality and Intimacy (Hardcover)

As an African-American woman who feels deeply compelled to reach out to other African-American women, to learn about them and about myself, I am often very frustrated at the level of discourse that is routinely passed off in the media - yes, both mainstream and African-American media - as being truly representative of all black women. So many of the superficial, cardboard archetypes that are presented - the baby mama, the loveless career woman who is waiting for a black man to make her whole so that she can "exhale," the gangbanger, the avaricious rump-shaking rap video seductress, the funny fat girl with loads of finger-popping attitude, the longsuffering nurturer, the white girl's selfless best friend/spiritual-soulfulness guru - seem unable or unwilling to get to the heart of who we really ARE, what we are really thinking and feeling about ourselves, our lives, our bodies. Thank God for this collection! These honest, thoughtful, first-person accounts read like transcripts of deep conversations, spiritual exchanges of intimate confidences between these remarkable women and me as spread out over a life-long friendship. We are so often isolated, silenced, shamed into keeping quiet about our pain and frustration, so that we won't air our "dirty laundry" in public and embarrass our race, that we've almost convinced ourselves that our only problems in life are external ones caused by "The Man" - admitting to deep problems within our own homes, our own culture, our own relationships is condemned as disloyal sacrilege. Hearing these women's voices speaking their truths out loud helps me as I continue to identify my own voice and gives me courage to speak out, too. Seeing their continued hopefulness despite all that they've had to face gives me strength. And it lets me know that I am not alone. I bought this book the day that it was released and finished it in one sitting. And I am encouraging all of my friends (and all of you, too!), regardless of race or gender, to read it as well. It is truly funny, sad, inspirational and thought-provoking. It speaks to the black condition, the female condition but, most of all, the human condition, in all of its complexity.

9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Sexual Testimonies, June 22, 2004

By 

The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers (RAWSISTAZ.com and BlackBookReviews.net) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Longing to Tell: Black Women Talk About Sexuality and Intimacy (Paperback)

Take a literary journey with Tricia Rose, author of LONGING TO TELL,
and read some revealing, heartbreaking, and inspiring narratives from
a host of women of color who talk about sexuality, race, and their
coming of age as a woman.

Tricia Rose begins by sharing with readers the purpose and reason for
this unusual project which opened up doors to allow these unknown and
unspoken women of color to tell their stories. The women outlined in
the book is of various ages, economic, and educational backgrounds. The extensive research and countless interviews propel this author's thought-provoking narratives from women breaking through a sexuality barrier that has always been unspoken of through generations of people of color.

LONGING TO TELL rises to the occasion, orchestrating a context that speaks from the voices of women on their sexual relationships, and intimate clichés that thrust many into a naive state of ignorance and misinterpreting the art of intimacy.

The women's names were changed along with other details to protect
their identity due to some very graphic details in which they
outlined their exposure to sexuality. It was a hard lesson for many
and a rude awakening for others. They speak on growing up in
dysfunctional surroundings, exposure to drugs, and going from one
relationship to another. Several grew up with the pretense that if
you had sex it meant love.

They explain how their families and children had to endure their

unorthodox and self-destructive behaviors that sometimes lead to
tragic consequences. One woman speaks of how her young son was
beaten to death by her boyfriend, and never realized the warning signs
because she stayed in a haze of drugs. They speak candidly about their first sexual encounters with men and women. They speak on where they were and where they are today. They explain their process of healing along the path to finally taking control of their lives.

All the women's narratives speak volumes on the depth and courage that made them survivors. In the end, the author sums up very eloquently the overall dynamics of the sexual ramifications that women of color encounter today.

LONGING TO TELL by Tricia Rose is a well written book. Tears came to my eyes several times reading some of the stories, and I wanted to jump into the book and hug and congratulate each woman on revealing their personal journey. I applaud Ms. Rose for her insight and courage to develop, research, and talk with so many women who are sisters, mothers, aunts, wives, and friends offering them an outlet in which to speak. A must read for everyone because knowledge is the key to understanding and awareness. (...)

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars I Highly Recommend this book, June 3, 2004

By 

Mahogany Book Club "Mahogany Media Review" (Albany, N.Y.) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Longing to Tell: Black Women Talk About Sexuality and Intimacy (Paperback)

Longing to Tell consists of 20 Black women telling their stories about sex
and intimacy. The women range from 19 to 48 and all have powerful stories
to tell about their experiences.

All women discussed what it meant to be intimate or have intimacy with a
person. Intimacy was broadly defined and included more than just a sexual
relationship and included relationships with family and friends. Most
women defined intimacy in similar terms: a reciprocal relationship with
someone where you can let down your guard and express yourself without out
fear of being judged or criticized.

Other themes that arose in the course of the book were Black women's
relationships with Black men. Some of the women had horrific experiences
attempting to love and sustain a relationship with Black men, and while
some woman had sworn off of Black men and were dating outside the race or
were lesbians, most women were committed to finding love with a Black man.

The negative stereotypes of Black women in the media and particularly those
perpetuated by Black artists were discussed. Sexism within the Black
community was also explored including the stress experienced by Black women
of having to navigate racism and sexism on the outside and then having to
come home to a situation where a woman's contribution and independence are
not valued and where a woman was sometimes viewed as little more than
property.

The most disturbing subject in the book was sexual violence against women.
Many (if not most) of the women interviewed told stories of incest,
molestation, rape, sexual harassment or sexual degradation. The book
forcefully brought home the point of how vulnerable Black girls and women
are to sexual abuse and also helped me see that sexual abuse against Black
women unfortunately really is not all that surprising when one considers
that Black women have been and continue to be the objects of sexual
degradation in the media and little more than property in relationships.
Until Black women are valued for the contributions they bring to the
society as whole and to relationships in particular, it will continue to be
"OK" to continue the sexual violence against our girls and women.

Despite all the negativity directed at Black women, the book highlighted
the fact that Black women are an exceptional group who live in a world
where racism and sexism (within and without the Black community) affect our
daily lives. Nonetheless, we are the keepers of the family and the
maintainers of our men. The abuse we are subject to is unparalleled, but
we still strive. The book captured this uniqueness of Black women and a
way that I have never seen expressed before.

I would highly recommend this book to all Black women as it represents a
celebration of all that we are. Additionally, in reading this book I was
also struck by how much Black men could benefit from the stories, and I
also highly and enthusiastically recommend this book to Black men.

5 stars
(...)