Customer Reviews

Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's (Thorndike Biography)

5 star:		(171)
4 star:		(81)
3 star:		(26)
2 star:		(17)
1 star:		(12)

 

 

I bought Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's by John Elder Robison mainly because I was enticed by reviews and interviews to explore the mind of someone who (because of Asperger's Syndrome) thinks a bit differently from us so-called "regular" folks. The book centers on John's struggle to become socially and economically successful as a person with Asperger's Syndrome. His condition wasn't diagnosed until he turned 40.

The two main things about this book that stood out for me (from beginning to end) were: (1) Mr. Robison doesn't give many clues about how he expects the reader to react to his stories. In other words, you get to make your own judgments - whether about his legal and illegal pranks or about his decision to not get involved with groupies (for two examples). He doesn't spend much time defending his behavior and he isn't dogmatic about what's right and what's wrong. (2) He thinks a lot and in unusual ways. As I read about his sometimes-elaborate thought processes, I remembered what a friend told me long ago: "If you're confused, good! It means you're thinking!" And I pondered some of the social conflicts in my own life caused by what others have characterized as "thinking too much."

In chapter 26 "Units One Through Three," Mr. Robison hilariously describes in frank terms the thought processes he went through when choosing his wife. ("Choosing" isn't the right word, but I promised myself I wouldn't write any spoilers into my review.) Here's a short sample from the book, from chapter 26, about his logic concerning choosing a wife: "Unfortunately, when picking a mate from a set of three sisters, it is usually necessary to establish a relationship with one in order to meet the other two. That usually precludes a person from selecting a different sister once an initial choice has been made."

Though I ultimately found "Look Me in the Eye" to be a satisfying and often funny book, it didn't fully capture my interest until the author began vividly describing a major prank (performed during his teenage years) related to fire. From there on (through many chapters) until he finishes talking about his work with rock and roll bands (which included creating pyrotechnically flamboyant guitars for KISS), I was utterly captivated by Mr. Robison's exciting stories. The chapters after that point aren't bad either.

Yes, Mr. Robison does think somewhat differently. He demonstrates an inspiring, practical approach to dealing with some of life's challenges. With his book, he managed to place those challenges under a microscope for all to see. I recommend that you take a look.

A warning about this book: Asperger's Syndrome is not quite what the author makes it out to be. If you were to only learn about the diagnosis from this memoir, here is what you might expect: "symptoms" that include amazingly innovative genius and a life of non-stop social and financial success.

The author: 1. makes numerous friends during adolescence, finding (as he describes it) acceptance and comfort in the music scene of his community. 2. makes a romantic connection during this time, sustaining a long-term relationship, including (later) marriage and a child. 4. states that he does not like small talk, does not like change. When does he become aware of this? As he is on tour with the worlds biggest rock band (He is reminded of his small-talk aversion later in the book...when he succeeds in the corporate world, functioning as both a creative asset and supervisor.) The biggest dilemma in the book: should he remain a business executive...or, should he open and run his own business?

Wow. Turns out that Asperger's is fun and empowering...assuming, of course, that you're a socially-adaptable techno-genius with highly marketable engineering skills.

'Look Me in the Eye' does make for a fascinating window into Asperger's Syndrome. However, if you are purchasing this book, please bear in mind: few people (and I mean very few people, including neuro-typicals) are as high-functioning as the author. This is a memoir by someone with Asperger's Syndrome, not an educational tool about it.

People who suffer from Asperger's Syndrome view the world through very different eyes than do normal people. Things that seem perfectly mundane to normals take on a whole new appearance when someone with Asperger's looks at them. Aspergians (a term coined by Robison) do not pick up on the social cues and body language other people do. They don't think things that most people peceive as important matter; and things they believe are of vital importance are seen as inconsequential by normals.

Think for a minute about the sound of nails on a chalkboard. To many normals, the sound is something to make you grit your teeth and wish for its absence. To Aspergians, the sound can range from absolutely intolerable to pleasant, depending on how their particular affect of the syndrome perceives it. This difference in perception is one reason it's so hard for Aspergians to relate to the world.

John Elder Robison has given us a solid look at what it's like to be an Aspergian. He points out that the syndrome gives as well as takes. Although he had a difficult time as a child and adolescent only partly due to his Asperger's (he was afflicted with a pair of nutcase parents, which is the last thing anyone with Asperger's needs), his gifts for 'hearing' a sound and then being able to construct devices to make that sound a reality gave him successful careers as a tech wizard working with the sound systems and instruments of the rock group KISS, among others; and a successful career (as defined by the mundanes) as an engineer for Parker Brothers in the very early days of electronic games and early game consoles. His current career as a master restorer of classic cars also is due in part to the way his Asperger's causes him to see the world; like many other Aspergians, he relates much better to machines than he does to people because machines are logical and do not deliberately set out to hurt you.

Thinking back to your school days, I am sure you will remember the weirdo who was hopelessly awkward, who had no social graces and few if any friends, but who was incredibly gifted with one subject or non-sports-related activity in or outside school. I'm also sure you'll recall (if you are honest about it) how that kid was tormented for his awkwardness, gracelessness, and inability to fit in. Chances are you were dealing with an Aspergian, who had no more of a clue of how socialization and perception works than you did about why he was the pink monkey in a cage full of brown monkeys in the jungle that is childhood and adolescence. Thanks to Robison, you now have some idea of what life was like for that kid, and why he was the way he was, and what life is like when you're the one who has Asperger's.

Great book! I have a daughter diagnosed with Aspberger's Syndrome so it does run in the family. Another daughter is undergoing the diagnostic process to see if she is "on spectrum."

Reading Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Aspberger's was a cathartic experience, as I glimpsed into how Aspies or Aspergians think. Now, I can better understand how to help my daughter make life choices.

Of course the title is apt because I have uttered similar phrases until I found out that my daughter could not (not would not) look me directly in the eye.

For any parent, or anyone wanting to learn more about Asperger's Syndrome, this book is a must read along with books by Drs. Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin (Grandin is diagnosed with High Functioning Autism (HFA) which has similar characteristics to Aspberger's Syndrome.)

In the course of running my web site and support forums, OASIS (Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support) I'm continually asked by vistors and forum members to recommend books.

It's been a pleasure to suggest LOOK ME IN THE EYE. I'll be honest, after 15 years of running OASIS, I sometimes find it difficult to convince myself to sit down and read yet again another book on Asperger Syndrome. But in this case, I opened the book and couldn't stop reading. I did judge a book by it's cover (the cover photo is wonderful, too) and was glad I did. In addition to providing insight into growing up with AS, he is, over and above all, an absolutely wonderful storyteller!

I was also pleasantly surprised to read his recommendations section in which he mentioned OASIS and our book, THE OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME, and indicated that he found both helpful to him. I'm happy that I was able to help the author and even happier that by sharing his story he'll be helping many more AS individuals and their families.

Thanks for a great read!

Barb Kirby

OASIS

Mr. Robison's book is well-worth reading, if only because it really makes people think about the tremendous variety of human expression, and about how the ways we think can be gifts, curses, or something in between. The heartfelt nature of the reviews on the page tell you that Mr. Robison has struck a nerve. The story of his life will alternately amuse and terrify you--Mr. Robison is a very resilient man--as well as educate you. His book also lists a number of books, particularly memoirs, associated with Asperger's which you may enjoy if this one interested you. And if your car needs repair, he tells you how to get in touch with him! An all-service book.

I've been interested in Asperger's Syndrome for more than 15 years, ever since articles about the syndrome first started to appear in popular newspapers and magazines. It was obvious to me from the very beginning that the academic world in which I worked had an unusually high number of these brilliant, but decidedly weird, personalities. I wanted to know more about these colleagues that seemed to think and act so differently from the norm.

When autobiographies by Aspergians started to appear in publication, I snapped them up and read them eagerly. One of the very first was Temple Grandin's "Thinking In Pictures." She became widely known when the famous neurologist and author, Oliver Sacks, wrote about her in his bestselling book "An Anthropologist On Mars." I recommend both of these books highly.

Autobiographies are great, but there is nothing like the power of fiction to get a reader deeply inside the mind of another human being! There are two outstanding works of fiction that I am familiar with that are told from the perspective of someone on the high end of the autism spectrum: "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon, and "The Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon. I also recommend both of these books highly.

A few weeks ago, I stopped to gaze on the many titles that Amazon was recommending to me, based on the titles I've purchased from them or reviewed on their site. I was delighted to see there was a new Aspergian autobiography on the market: John Elder Robison's "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's." I ordered it immediately. Yesterday, I picked up the book after breakfast and was surprised to find that I had completely finished it by later that same afternoon.

What a delightful, and often humorous, book this was! The book is mainly a collection of stories from the Robison's unusual life. The writing is surprisingly fresh, honest, and emotionally open. The stories are full of amazingly dysfunctional parents, geeky pranks, and weird happenings. Though them, and many inward-looking passages found throughout the book, Robison gives us keen insight into the mind and thinking processes of a high-functioning person with Asperger's Syndrome, aptly named by Robison throughout this work as Aspergians.

Other reviewers have covered well what is included in these stories and how Robison's life and this book relates to his younger brother's bestselling book and major motion picture "Running With Scissors," so I won't cover those aspects here.

What I do want to add that as is wholly new, is that this book is a great companion-piece to "The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science" by Norman Doidge. This absolutely fascinating new book gives an easily readable, enjoyable, and thought-provoking nonprofessional overview of the new science of neuroplasticity--the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections over the life span. This is what Robison was able to do--completely by himself, without professional intervention. As you read this book, you'll be able to see how Robison was able to rewire his brain, and eventually to make himself more normal.

Robison, the adult accomplished 40-year-old author who writes this book, no longer possesses the same brain wiring problems that his younger self had to deal with. That is why this book can be told with such a high degree of emotional openness and understanding. Toward the end of the book, Robison talks with great understanding briefly about the new science of neuroplasticity and how he is confident that he has been able to slowly rewire his brain over the last two decades of his life.

This is what is wonderful about this book. For me, it was not so much a good book about Aspergians, but it was a fascinating tale about an Aspergian who was able to rewire his brain successfully to respond more normally to life.

If this aspect of Robison's autobiography interests you, then by all means, read "The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science." There you will find numerous real-life stories about people, with a wide range of disabilities, who were able to achieve successfully what seemed--until only very recently--an impossible task: changing their brains and conquering their disabilities. Norman Doidge's neuroplasticity book gets my unqualified highest recommendation. It will change the way you look at the world and you will be able to understand, on an easy scientific level, what Robison was able to do to his Aspergian brain over the last two decades.

So, what do I feel about Robison's book in general? Well, it was easy and pleasant to read and well worth the time and effort. There are perhaps better books that take you deeper into the mind of an Aspergian. But no book out there shows you a better real-life example of the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections over the life span. I'd give it three stars for the storytelling, three stars for the writing, three stars for the insight it brings to bear on Asperger's Syndrome, but four stars on what it brings to bear on the new science of neuroplasticity, and for me, that last one out weighs all the rest.

This is a story of perseverance in the face of great odds, and even if you haven't read much about autism or Asperger's, you will enjoy it. John Robison first found out he had Asperger's when he was in his forties, after he had succeeded at 3 different careers (sound engineering for rock bands, designing electronic games, and restoring/repairing antique/luxury cars). His journey was not an easy one, he mentions living in The Dumpster and The Shed, and is honest about his fear when confronted with the necessity of supporting himself. But more importantly, from the beginning he worked to relate to people by logically figuring out how to communicate with them without alienating them -- or at least alienating them less! This growth in social skills did not turn him into a bland person, far from it! Although some might be alienated by his blunt unconventional way of discussing people, many non-Aspergians will also be able to perceive the loving spirit of this man. And you will learn a lot about how to relate to Aspergians.

Some reviewers found his stories of his work with rock bands/games/cars to be tedious & self-aggrandizing. He does go on a bit but I found the stories interesting, maybe because I don't know a lot about those fields. And his description of how the development of his emotional/relational side led to a decrease in his natural ability to visualize technological solutions is fascinating. It seems that we do pay a price for balance between the two sides of our brain, one that he believes is well worth paying. He is obviously an unusual person in that he has been willing to work to change himself so as to have rewarding relationships. Not every Asperger's person would be so motivated -- and in just that fact lies the uniqueness of this story.

I was lucky enough to get an advanced review copy of this book. What I love most about it (other than the stories which are both funny and heart-rending) is that John Robison's unique voice is strong and steady throughout. He makes the reader really feel what he went through as a child and as an adult, what it is like to be in his world - the world of an Aspergian. I can understand then, why this book will be so popular for families of Aspergians and Aspergians themselves. But, it will also touch anyone who has ever felt awkward, unloved or unwanted. In other words, all of us. From the very first page, this book moved me in the way I always hope a book will, although few actually do. This one's a keeper.

I was very excited to get this book, but unfortunately I found it hard to get through because it is poorly written, and because a large part of the book is about guitars and electronic circuits.

I found the tone to come across as "showing off." The author seemed to brag about what a great prankster he is, and what a savant he is. Perhaps I am misinterpreting some of Asperger's traits, which is not my intention, but this is how it felt to me personally. I have 4 people in my life with AS, and none of them play mean tricks on people, nor do they act superior or condescending. And I have read many other AS autobiographies, and none of those people played mean tricks either. So I do not believe that these personality traits can be applauded or excused as belonging to the disease. We should not blur the line between pathology and personality.

Whenever it seemed like the author was about to get to some interesting story, instead of telling it, he would refer the readers to his brother's book.