Customer Reviews

Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity

5 star:		(46)
4 star:		(18)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(7)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

I probably had no business reading this book. I'm a 20 year old guy, and Cohen's new memoir has been clearly targeted towards women, specifically young girls still coming of age. When I was buying it, the lady at the Borders cash register gave me one of the strangest looks I have ever seen. I tried to explain. It was recommended to me by a friend, so I figured it would be an interesting read. I'd just sell it back on Amazon after I was done.

All that being said, there is no way I am selling this book.

We have all seen those girls at bars and parties, the ones who flaunt themselves around. The ones everybody calls whores and sluts. Maybe you look at them with disgust. Maybe with pity or empathy. Maybe, if you're like one of the guys in Cohen's story, you look at them with lust. Whatever it is you think when you see a promiscuous girl, this book will change your mind forever.

Loose Girl holds nothing back. Cohen writes about her journey with heart-breaking honesty and detail that will make you cringe. The recount of sexual incidents during her childhood and adolescence is melancholy and at times very disturbing. As she continues on through high school and college, making the same mistakes over and over, the story becomes downright agonizing. The last section reads like day turning from afternoon to dusk, or perhaps late night becoming dawn. Every chapter holds new truths. She answers questions that can't be answered--questions about why we are the way we are, what it means to love and be loved. There is a part where she realizes "Not being able to live without someone is not love. It's need." Quotes like this make the book unforgettable.

In the process of writing and publishing her memoir, Cohen has taken a lot of unwarranted criticism. She's been called an attention-whore and a slut. But the truth is, Loose Girl isn't really about any of that. It's about identity. Kerry's sexual promiscuity could have been anything. It could have been alcohol, drugs, religion, or whatever else people let get in their way of creating their art and their life. Kerry's favorite quote is by Mary Oliver: "Tell me, what will you do with your one wild and precious life?" In telling her chaotic story, she's not begging for attention to her life, she's helping us figure out ours. The writing truly touches on all fronts, it would be a huge mistake to assume otherwise.

This is a life-changing memoir that you'll want to read over and over. Here's to hoping Kerry Cohen will ignore the critics and keep up her incredible writing.

To be honest, I also could not put this book down once I started reading it. From a purely user-friendly perspective, it's a simple, quick read. No sophistication here at all, and in this case, it's a good thing so that one really absorbs the story. Also, I too, like so many others who have already read this book, can identify in a very personal way with Kerry's experiences...the degradation, denial, and self-loathing that comes from desperately trying to find love and feel loved at any cost. This "theme" is nothing new to most women who grew up in a post-Watergate or Generation X time period, whether experienced first-hand or through movies and literature of the time.

HOWEVER, to describe this book as a story of "finding her way toward real intimacy" (from the front cover flap) and "a model for recovery and real love" (review on back flap cover) is to totally mislead. Nothing could be further from the truth! Kerry is still sleeping with nameless, faceless men right up until the end, when she meets her husband-to-be, Michael. Who she then is engaged to within a period of 8 months. THIS is recovery? I don't think so. In fact, on Kerry's website, she states that she still struggles with some of the indentfied issues in the book.

I'm not trying to knock Cohen down as an author or a person. However, saying that you've been healed/recovered simply because you finally got married is akin to saying that you've conquered alcoholism simply because you stopped physically drinking alcohol. But there's more to it (anyone hear of a "dry drunk"?) and we all know it. The likely truth is that Kerry has been healed by the actual WRITING of this book, and good for her. But if anyone thinks this book offers any insight as to how she decided to stop sleeping with every guy she encountered, forget it. It's not there. Choose to enjoy this book only as a launch-point in thinking about and analyzing your own similar experiences.

Loose Girl is a well focused look at one woman's journey through insecurity, dysfunction and unhappiness. It reads a lot like many other 'addiction' books but since the 'addiction' it covers is sex, the highs and lows are a lot less extreme. Author Kerry Cohen does a good job of drawing the reader in and
creating a very vivid and engaging world. Her writing is clear, flowing and polished. I found myself zipping through the book fully engaged with Cohen's journey. My biggest gripe is that the book has almost no third act. Cohen's story has a very distinct beginning, middle, but a very soft end. I felt there was more book in Cohen and she stopped short of where the story could have taken her. The writer's Bio indicates that Cohen is now married with children, but the book never really ventures into how her past has shaped her present or now how reflecting on all this has impacted her as she moves forward. Even with a less than full ending, I still did like Loose Girl, it's well written, engaging and worth reading especially for fans of the genre.

Most of this book was written with such unflinching honesty, that the poor ending and lack of self-examination or understanding was that much more of a disappointment and shock.

While the author traces her history of longing for physical attention, I felt for the uncertain teenager who believed her worth came solely from males. I believe this is a trap that is easy for any young woman to fall into, but Cohen did so with a vengeance, sleeping her way through high school, college, and beyond.

While I appreciate her bare-bones honesty, I found the book lacking in any sort of self-analysis. I never got the sense that Cohen understood why she felt so undeserving of love, nor why she stayed in unfulfilling, dysfunctional relationships.

Suddenly, she seems "recovered," though I wonder if she truly has made her way out of the abyss. Instead, I think she just replaced one relationship with another. The book ends on a high note, but I think it will be just a matter of time before her insecurities suck her back into her black hole.

I liked this book. It started a little slower than I hoped, but knowing what was to come kept me reading. Once I got to the middle, I couldn't put it down. Usually I find myself falling asleep while reading, but not so much the case with this one. I bought it and finished it within a 24 hour period. Picked it up for $13 and got more than my money's worth.

It was an interesting read. You get to hear the inner thoughts of an insecure codependent. I'm a little bit of a codependent myself, so I can completely relate to why she does the things she does. Only, I'm a man. It's ok for me to do the things she's done. It doesn't kill my self esteem to be this way. But, it did help me understand some differences between love and need...which is a good thing.

It's not a self help book though. I know the back cover leads you to believe she becomes healed, when the truth is...she didn't quit. She was promiscuous all the way til she met her now husband. And she moved in with the guy within something like 4 months of dating. I wouldn't say that's being healed, more like enabled. I don't wanna speculate on whether her need will push her over the edge or not, but I got a feeling we'll be reading a Loose Girl followup if that's the case.

Other thoughts....wish she would have lost her virginity quicker than page 61, nearly a third of the way through the book. Coulda used more detail about the sex itself and her feelings immediately following.

-Adam

Well, this book was recomended to me by my therapist. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and I'm not sure how many of you know the details of it but one main sympton is longing to be loved. I had told my therapist about my past sexual experiences and how they are soo embarrsing to me now and I was so confused by past actions.

Actually my first encounter with sex was having my virginity taken from me through rape. I had been saving myself too. So that may be one of the many causes for my constant battle of needing love. I suffered with promiscuity 2 days after the rape and all the way to age 26 (which is my current age now). So 8 years of this.

But I agreed to buy the book. I orginally bought it in Sept of 2009 and just today (dec 09) decided to re-open it and continue. I could only make it to page 83 without running to the bathroom being sick with anxiety. I couldn't take re-living those emotions again...

I know the author doesn't suffer from any type of mental illness but wanting,no, NEEDING people is a sickness. I personally am never opening the book again. It's too painful. I could cry right now but I'm also relieved that I'm again proven to be more human than I thought I was. I always have had this feeling I'm from a Sci-Fi movie...

People like me are not sluts. I don't believe in the word. I think it's mainly girls who use it also. Jealous girls in fact. Because some people can have carefree-no strings attached sex-just fine. But people like me and the author, it's much more than that. We usually never even enjoyed the sex. Lonelieness is just...just a mother-f*****. To us it is, we hate being alone-well I am speaking for myself at least.

I now am getting the help I need to deal with interpersonal relationships and have not had casual sex in nearly a year. I've made a pact with my heart and soul to love myself for once. Not chase another man's love. I had just started with the therapist in July and am coming along so far. It feels wonderful not having to rely on other people to satisfy my hunger for love and acceptance.

So I hope that someone who might be inclined to read this book really realizes that this book is 100% true. Ugh, the feeling of going crazy over a boyfriend not calling, giving away pieces of your heart on a weekend basis while high or drunk. I literally got put on anti-aniety medication for a large part of my college life because of all the times I was petrified my boyfriend was cheating on me or I couldn't find him. All just to be loved. To be wanted. Not all of us have love in our lives and even if we do, we have our own issues getting in the way of realizing it. For example,not loving ourselves or past unresolved childhood issues.

And lastly-I really loved reading the older comment about the book from a man. It amazed me. That to me is what constitutes a real man. One who can feel and does not judge... If anyone would ever want to comment about my post my email for my amazon account is no longer in use. Sheepie56@yahoo.com is my new one...PS-Sorry my comment is jumbled-it's just very emotional.

This book is an adult read. As a 25 year old, it was something I could understand and follow. Had I read this 10 years ago, I would probably discredit some of the lessons learned. Many women plagued with the same problem might feel they are alone, this book brings a secret problem, promiscuity as a coping mechanism to the masses. Reading this, I realize a lot of women will feel that they are not alone. Even if you haven't experienced this behaviour to the extent the author has, it's so honest that it feels like you can relate on other levels.

Excellent read. Empowering for women. Not for teens. They may think the "wrong" behavior is awesome and well, that's not really gaining any benefit for them. I speak from experience as a former "bad teen".

From the opening paragraph, I was right there and stayed with Kerry through this agonizing journey. Our experiences are different, and yet, she made it so clear that the drive for attention and acceptance is universal--regardless of how it is played out.

The story reminded me of the Oz narrative: when the emotional cyclone spun Kerry off course, she landed with a crash, but there was no yellow brick road and few good companions to accompany her. In her search for connection and meaning, she took shortcuts, but was too young to understand the destructive ramifications of those choices.

Those expecting a salacious, sensationalistic memoir will be disappointed. Those valuing honesty without varnish or embellishment will be relieved that someone had the courage to tell the plain truth about how she got off course and found her way. Kerry acknowledges that this is a tenuous, unfinished journey and she takes it a step at a time.

Far too many stories of this type are afflicted by a fast-paced narrative and an over-the-top conclusion ("I saw the light and skipped off into the sunset"). This type of terminal silliness rings false because it's been overused and abused (e.g., "A Million Little Pieces"). I trust Kerry's story because it is so bare bones. As she began relying on herself and engaging with the creative process via writing, she was able to connect more fully with life. She points out that this is part of a lifelong journey. Rather than force a conclusion, she stops the story in an interesting place leaving the reader wanting to hear more from her.

This review is for the audio version of the book. I regularly listen to audiobooks and this is the most painful, poorly done narrative I've ever listened to. In the first couple chapters, I was seriously wondering how I good get through it. The best way I can describe the narrators voice, Cynthia Holloway, is that she speaks in a low, slow, almost monotone voice, which I'm guessing is an attempt to sound sexy for the book. It was obvious that it is not the author doing the speaking, because of the detached way in which she reads, as if completely disengaged from the actual story. It is lacking the storylike rhythm that even the most novice of speakers have, like they are at least partly involved in telling a story, not just reading. The pauses are awkward and her reading is at times *painfully* slow, slower than any other book I've listened to. I laughed when I read the description of the CD as "part NPR announcer, half phone-sex operator" - yes, it is just *that* awkward. The only thing that kept me going is that I could tell the story itself was good and interesting. Do yourself a favor, get the book not the CD. Sexy, no...annoying, yes.

Loose Girl shines a light on an important subject, however ultimately offers very little substance. For all her experiences, there is conspicuously little self-reflection. Consequently, it is a superficial read that ultimately leaves the reader unsatisfied--not unlike the experiences described in this book.