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Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go [Kindle Edition]

Daniel Miller
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (41 customer reviews)

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Book Description

                ForeWord Reviews 2011 Book of the Year Award Finalist!
What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control?
At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than
perfection from their coworkers.
 

At home, they obsess over finding the "right" person.  Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong. 

As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views. 

Sound familiar?  Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots.   Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves--or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness.

In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life.   What's more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. 

Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally
decided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace.
 

Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of
acknowledged "control freaks," Losing Control, Finding Serenity 
guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns--whether
prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating--down to
the roots.  As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked
by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments. 

Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives
readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the "decontrol" tools
to:
 

*Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment. 

*Avoid avoidance, with techniques for overcoming procrastination and reassuring
exercises for resisting the urge to withdraw from loved ones.
 

*Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles
with children. 


*Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to
change their romantic partner.
 

*Maintain realistic expectations in sports, whether as a player or a coach, and gain the
competitive edge.


*Free the flow of creative thinking by varying the perspective, addressing the fear
of failure and success, and relaxing rather than over-thinking everything.
 

*Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job
satisfaction--and reduce conflict and dissension.
 

*Learn to be patient and calmly accept "what is," even when adversity strikes, to
enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life.

*Pursue your passions and achieve greater life balance 
*Take your recovery to the next level

In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control, Losing
Control, Finding Serenity
offers welcome encouragement and validation
for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery.
 

Find out how losing control really means gaining control.

                                               



Editorial Reviews

Review

"The guidance in this book is something I'd recommend to anyone struggling with control issues.    I found invaluable information and advice on how to let go of the need to control." --POSITIVELY PRESENT 

"In a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond our control, Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is." --MONTHLY ASPECTARIAN 

"Down-to-earth and honest, the book is full of psychological and spiritual insight. It is also full of real world solutions for reconnecting with the natural flow of life and with our personal truth. This one will be terrific for 12-steppers."--NEW AGE RETAILER 

"Daniel Miller has done an amazing job in delving deeply into the crevices of how most of us would need to be in control, not always realizing how it rules and affects our lives and even more so--the lives and happiness of others.   Daniel has clearly lived it, and has learned from it, and has designed a formula to teach people how to change these controls by finding, understanding, and releasing issues one step at a time.  A must read for everyone! --IN LIGHT TIMES 

About the Author

About the Author page Meet Danny Miller, Like most compulsive controllers, Danny Miller was always driven to succeed. He graduated from UCLA with honors in business administration and finished in the top 5 percent of his class at the UCLA School of Law. While still in his 20s, he became a popular real estate instructor in the UCLA extension program and a few years later published a critically acclaimed, best-selling professional book, How to Invest in Real Estate Syndicates (Dow Jones-Irwin) He also founded the California Institute of Real Estate Education, which offered state-licensed seminars to thousands of real estate professionals. Financial success came early as well. Celebrities and wealthy people entrusted him with large sums to invest on their behalf. By his mid-30s he could afford to live in the exclusive Old Bel Air section of Los Angeles, only a few doors away from Sylvester Stallone and just up the street from where Elvis Presley had once lived. But for all his achievements and success, Danny had no sense of inner peace and serenity. How could he? He was imprisoned by his fears, anger and anxieties and thus not open to the wonders all around him. It took a long series of personal setbacks, but at last Danny began a new life journey based on letting go of control. He tried to go with the ups and downs and twists and turns of life, instead of resisting them and trying to control people and events. He learned effective tools and techniques for losing control in important areas such as family, parenting, love and romance, the creative arts, sports, and the workplace. He became an accomplished fine artist, a published poet, a champion tournament tennis player, a happily married man, and much wiser parent--all while cutting his work time by more than half. Thus, through letting go of control, Danny found a different and more profound kind of success--an internal, core sense of well-being. He now counsels others and writes and speaks about the remarkable benefits of letting go of control. To read Danny's articles on control and his poetry, and to view his paintings, visit www.losingcontrolfindingserenity.com

Product Details

  • File Size: 547 KB
  • Print Length: 227 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0982893000
  • Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
  • Publisher: Ebb and Flow Press; 1 edition (March 10, 2011)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004RPMY9E
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #45,264 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
14 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars You Will See Your Self--And Know You Are Not Alone November 14, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition
The best kinds of books are those written by those who have experienced great pain, who have triumphed and then had the courage to write about it.

Not all of us had wonderful and wise parents, grandparents or aunts and uncles who took the time to teach us life's lessons about self, or others. This fact makes authors like these invaluable to people like myself, who consider themselves students of life.

If you are researching this book at all, it probably means you should read it.

In it you will undoubtedly find elements of your own individual yet uncanny likenesses to others in the world.

In my own life, as the adult child of two adult children of alcoholics--everything in my world was controlled by my denial and shame based parents--but especially my mother. I felt like a specimen on a petri dish--and as a result--I sadly felt the need to control my own emotions and behaviors around her. I never felt free or safe...instead I felt judged, afraid, and in fear of criticism in every moment--including sleep--as nightmares were a norm.

As a young adult woman, I struggled with eating disorders, and anxiety. As a new mother, I feared not being good enough for my newborn son, and worried myself sick over what others would think of my abilities or lack of.

Twelve years into my codependent marriage, I divorced my then husband, and found myself face to face with the devil. My fears were all in my mind...and were the result of my childhood programming.

Losing my need to control and or worry about what others thought about me--eventually taught me to simply let go...and when I did...slowly and incrementally peace and joy began to seep itself into my life.

This book is full of practical insights to why and how we can change.

Namaste...

Lisa A. Romano
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Mental peace and liberation,,, August 9, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
"I was given your book as a gift in my 70th birthday year. I never thought of myself as a controlling person until I saw myself in every chapter. I've read it two times and now flip random pages. My life has changed for the better since letting go of control with my five sons and my relationship. Now opportunities come to me surprisingly effortlessly. Thank you Dan for sharing your story - it is very courageous of you to do. Because of your book I am experiencing mental peace and liberation."

Rahamim Ron - Israel
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Let the process begin... July 24, 2012
By bdprod
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
I was reading "Losing Control, Finding Serenity" on a plane when a woman sat next to me and we quickly got into an open and personal conversation. She was troubled by her husband's lack of patience with their children, though otherwise he was a terrific husband and father. I handed her the book and said, "Just read the first 25 pages." She quickly did and suddenly had a look of optimism. She said she was going to order the book as soon as she got home. The lessons and exercises in "Losing Control..." are with me every day. It's a process and it takes time. But just understanding how my control issues manifest themselves gives me moments of serenity. And those moments get longer and longer through awareness and practicing the techniques described by Danny Miller.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Extremely Helpful Book for Control Freaks May 24, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
"Losing Control, Finding Serenity" is a self-help book about how being controlling - over people and events - disrupts the natural course of life and hinders life and relationships. This is a book for everyone, because almost everyone does some degree of controlling in their lives. This book will help you realize where you have been controlling in your life and how to be less controlling. It also discusses the author's past experiences as a controlling person and how his life is different since he stopped being controlling and began trusting in the natural "waves" of life. He speaks about how various aspects of his life - finances, relationships, career, and hobbies - has improved since he stepped out of the way and let life take over. His personality and perspective on life has improved by being less controlling. He has less stress and worry. He shares how you too can let go of control and find happiness and success.

The book covers many topics that are helpful for losing control: what being controlling is like and how it hurts people, how to stop controlling behaviors, how to learn acceptance, how to embrace your personal truths, how to be less fearful and trust that life will turn out how it's supposed to, how to let go of anger and resentments, and how to stop avoiding tasks that you are apprehensive about. The book also describes and explains how to let go of control in certain parts of life, such as parenting, relationships, sports, the arts, and work.

This book is well worth the small investment. It is full of information on control, examples of the author and his friends of their controlling lives and how they changed, and how to change your controlling behaviors and your controlling personality. This book has the power to change your life for the better. I learned a lot from it and I highly recommend it.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars More than the usual self-help book March 8, 2011
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
Danny Miller's book arrived two days ago and I have read it: how's that for reader enthusiasm! I congratulate Danny Miller on having written Losing Control Finding Serenity. Not only did I recognise myself in much of what he has written but, unlike many other `self-help' books, his is the work of a lifetime and it shows. His personal experience - either direct or indirect through people he has known well - jumps off the page and speaks to the core of who we are. Having had to relinquish control in my own long and arduous journey with bipolar disorder, I know how crucial Danny Miller's approach is to survival and sustainability.

Never condescending or facile, the book's gentle `repetitive' encouragement is enjoyable and powerful. I loved it

Gabrielle Blackman-Sheppard (aka Bi-Polar Girl)
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Good Read
Anyone who has a friend or loved one who us battling addiction can benefit from this book. Worth the purchase.
Published 8 days ago by Liz G
5.0 out of 5 stars IT WORKS
M.y husband was so happy with my letting go of contRolling him we have peace in our home
Published 1 month ago by marcy booker
4.0 out of 5 stars Half of it was just what I needed
I agree with the idea that self-awareness about feelings is part of the mix, but it's a big subject, and for those who need to do that work, a separate book is warranted. Read more
Published 1 month ago by geekandglitter
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent read
Just finished this terrific book and thought it was written expressly for me, a self professed control freak. Maybe no more after this book.
Published 5 months ago by Karen K Noyes
5.0 out of 5 stars One of the most life changing books I've ever read!
Not only does this book help you identify your "personal truths" that cause most of us the urge to try to control things and people, but it offers readers with tips on how to let... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Ashley Leleux
4.0 out of 5 stars In Recovery, Found this book very helpful
Easy to read and comprehend, full of insight into the mind of a control freak. The author gives lots of solutions. I like that he uses himself as an example. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Kelly Kaye
5.0 out of 5 stars Processing negative emotions
This was the first book that I read that talks about prosessing negative emotions properly. It helped me to deal with my fears and ... sound funny...being less afraid of my fears.
Published 7 months ago by Natalya
5.0 out of 5 stars Ending denial.
As a descendant of an alcoholic, my whole childhood was a education in manipulation and control. By the time my mother married a decent man, I was well versed in victim of abuse... Read more
Published 7 months ago by Karen Kohr-Blinn
5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful
This book takes the reader on a careful, soul-searching journey through the turbulent course of the life of a person who is a controller. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Marla Lindsay
5.0 out of 5 stars Good advice
This book is fairly well laid out and offers good advice. I was hesitant about this book because the author is not a "professional" therapist or anything like that, but I... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Katherine M. Konop
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More About the Author

Daniel A. Miller, a.k.a. Danny Miller, is the author of Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb & Flow Press, March 2011).

Like most compulsive controllers, Danny Miller was always driven to succeed. He graduated from UCLA with honors in business administration and finished in the top 5 percent of his class at the UCLA School of Law.

While still in his 20s, he became a popular real estate instructor in the UCLA extension program and a few years later published a critically acclaimed, best-selling professional book, How to Invest in Real Estate Syndicates (Dow Jones-Irwin). He also founded the California Institute of Real Estate Education, which offered state-licensed seminars to thousands of real estate professionals.

Financial success came early as well. Celebrities and wealthy people entrusted him with large sums to invest on their behalf. By his mid-30s he could afford to live in the exclusive Old Bel Air section of Los Angeles, only a few doors away from Sylvester Stallone and just up the street from where Elvis Presley had once lived.

But for all his achievements and success, Danny had no sense of inner peace and serenity. How could he? He was imprisoned by his fears, anger and anxieties and thus not open to the wonders all around him.

It took a long series of personal setbacks, but at last Danny began a new life journey based on letting go of control. He tried to go with the ups and downs and twists and turns of life, instead of resisting them and trying to control people and events.

He learned effective tools and techniques for losing control in important areas such as family, parenting, love and romance, the creative arts, sports, and the workplace. He became an accomplished fine artist, a published poet, a champion tournament tennis player, a happily married man, and much wiser parent-all while cutting his work time by more than half.

Through letting go of control, Danny found a different and more profound kind of success-an internal, core sense of well-being. He now counsels others and writes and speaks about the remarkable benefits of letting go of control.

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