The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (Guilford Family Therapy) [Paperback]

Michael P. Nichols PhD (Author)

Book Description

Series: Guilford Family Therapy | Publication Date: February 16, 2009

One person talks; the other listens. It's so basic that we take it for granted. Unfortunately, most of us think of ourselves as better listeners than we actually are. Why do we so often fail to connect when speaking with family members, romantic partners, colleagues, or friends? How do emotional reactions get in the way of real communication? This thoughtful, witty, and empathic book has already helped over 100,000 readers break through conflicts and transform their personal and professional relationships. Experienced therapist Mike Nichols provides vivid examples, easy-to-learn techniques, and practical exercises for becoming a better listener--and making yourself heard and understood, even in difficult situations.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This book is worthy of reading and rereading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you're doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends."--Doug O., Walnut Creek, California

 

"Lily Tomlin once advised that we 'listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.' The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives."--Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

 

"A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists."--Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy

"Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us--and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more."--Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester

"I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice."--Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton

About the Author

Michael P. Nichols, PhD, Professor of Psychology at the College of William and Mary, is the author of Stop Arguing with Your Kids, among numerous other books. He is a well-known therapist and a popular speaker.

Product Details

• Paperback: 314 pages
• Publisher: The Guilford Press; Second Edition edition (February 16, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1593859864
• ISBN-13: 978-1593859862
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (9 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #129,007 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars More of a cerebral look at listening, August 28, 2009

By 

S. Peil (Phoenix, AZ USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (The Guilford Family Therapy) (Hardcover)

If you're looking for a "self-help" or "how to" this book might not be the one for you. However if you want to understand the background behind how and why we choose or choose not to listen, this is a great book. It would be especially helpful for anyone in the psychology or communication arenas, but for the average person trying to become a better listener, it might take a little too long to get to the point (it's over 300 pages I think). I do enjoy the anecdotal style in which it is written, which helps the reader see the point the author is trying to make.

9 of 11 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars The Lost Art of Listening, is well-written and a true pleasure to read., March 17, 2010

By 

And Then Some Publishing LLC - See all my reviews
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This review is from: The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (The Guilford Family Therapy) (Hardcover)

The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (Guilford Family Therapy)
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I have written about relationships all of my professional life, and I have included information on relationships in my textbook, Understanding Interpersonal Communication -- which, I might add, is "on sale" at Amazon.com for $124.20! Also, I have co-authored a book on listening (with Curt Bechler) which is out-of-print, but Amazon.com lists the book, Listen to Win, "on sale" for $70.00! I mention these as my credentials for reviewing The Lost Art of Listening, which is a book that directly relates the two (relationships and listening), and I want to mention at the outset that this book deserves accolades and recommendations. It is well-written and a true pleasure to read. It is full of practical, applied information, which means you can both understand and use the information immediately. Also, it touches on the very core of the listening problem: that we seldom listen well to the important people in our lives. Most people think they already listen well so would not even consider this book relevant. The "Quiz" on pages 67-69 (along with directions for scoring the results) may help disabuse readers of this belief.

In this 314-page paperback (with a 5 1/2-page index), some may believe the book too forbidding at first glance; however, the author offers numerous examples, interesting and useful boxed inserts, short sections, highlighted (boldface) quotations that offer suggestions and insights, and end-of-chapter exercises that assist you in applying chapter information. It is clear just from a quick glance through the book that Nichols is an accomplished textbook writer -- all the essential ancillaries are here. (If you check out his other books at Amazon.com, you will notice from the number of books and froml the reviews, that Nichols has achieved success in a number of subject areas.)

There is no doubt that following the author's guidelines will not only make you a better listener, but they will contribute positively to improved relationships (his main point!). I recommend this book without hesitation or reservation. Every parent should read it, and anyone, too, who is planning to enter, is already in, or has experienced any failed relationships in the past desperately needs the information in this book.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Important Topic, No Real Answers, May 21, 2011

By 

Passionate Therapist (Seattle, WA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships (Guilford Family Therapy) (Paperback)

I had enjoyed a book by Mr Nichols about family therapy, so I thought I would give this (actually the first edition)a try. The author lists several anecdotes that demonstrate how listening helps and how not listening hurts. So far so good. But listening is encouraged as an abstract ethical precept, to be implemented by the conscious will. In this I think he overlooks the many contributions of neurology and psychology to poor listening. Listening to the meaning of others (Nichols real emphasis) is only possible if one is able to listen to the sounds of others. This deeper, more fundamental level of listening, with actual help is covered in the works of Alfred Tomatis and Stephen Porges.