Customer Reviews

Lost & Found: The Adoption Experience

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

Most Triadians (adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents) know that BJ Lifton is one of the definitive voices on adoption issues, and this book is one of my personal favorites of hers. If you buy no other search/reunion book, this is the one to have IMO.

I began my search for my birthmother in 1986, locating her finally in 1997. "Lost and Found" in particular helped me to deal with a lot of the issues that come up while searching, AND once you are reunited. There are even chapters on birthfathers and on siblings, something most books fail to mention or deal with.

It is important for those who decide to search to carefully consider their reasons for searching, and also to think about what their expectations are. If you are not prepared for the possibility of "anything can happen", you may be highly dissapointed or even devasted by the results.

I am glad that I chose to search, it has made my life complete in a way that wouldn't have been possible before I had the answers to my questions about where I came from, and who "my people" were. Though my reunion has had some major ups and downs, I don't regret my decision and I thank BJ Lifton for her insights that helped me get through the entire process.

~Reunited adoptee and adoptee rights activist Still ISO birthfather

As an adoptee, there are many questions and emotions that one is often too scared to ask or express. Lifton goes beyond the "taboo" of adoption in this book not only with her own experiences, but also the experiences of others. In "Lost and Found", all aspects of adoption are discussed, from all views (adoptee, adoptive parent, birthparent). Reading this helped me understand my own feelings, and to better understand the feelings of my parents, and my birth mother.

In my life, reunion wasn't reality until my life was my own-so I went about it with some organizational ability. Information and what to do with it was what I wanted and this gave me great help in that direction. Those triad members who believe their status hasn't affected their lives, just haven't figured it out yet. My adoption 50 years ago has colored every relationship since that first one that ended (physically) 3 weeks after my birth. In order to put together the pieces of 'why' I am....important parts needed to be found, so I set about looking. BJ Lifton helped with a compassion I hadn't found before her book. There are many emotions connected with searching-and finding-no matter how pleasant or how ugly-and one Can't anticipate many of them without some help. Help is within the pages of this one. The one piece of information-above all else-she taught me, was that my search was mine. I owned it and could choose to do it, or not, at my level of comfort. After reunion, boundaries need to be built, in order to protect that comfort. The book helped me start that so when the time came, I could hold back until I knew just how far I could go-how far I could allow the others to come. All in all, it was like having a big sister, walk through it with me. She's a good friend-even if she's not aware I'm out here! Thank you BJ!

As the Birth Mother I found this book to help me understand what the adopted and the adoptive parents, as well as siblings and additional family feel and are going through. I feel eternally grateful to my son for having the courage to want to find and have a relationship with me and this book helps me understand him and his mom and dad and what they have gone through. Thanks

The first book I have read with a chapter on after the reunion. An excellent book with many parts, as an adoptee, I can relate to.

Absolute essential reading for everyone involved in the adoption triad, or even considering adopting or relinquishing. Dispells the myths and shows the adoption experience as it is.

Lifton displays powerful insight and perspective of the adult adoptee. A must read for those researching the adoption experience, Lifton opens the psyche to experiencing the adoption world beyond the archaic "closed" system to a more humane, child-centered, open system. The research results presenting how the adult adoptee experiences life from an "outsiders" point of view would make anyone social worker with a heart consider the real issues in the adoption experience.

As an adoptee who searched and reunited with my birth family many years ago in my teens and have experienced wonderful and life enriching relationships because of it, I found this book an enlightening and thought provoking analysis of the effects of adoption. I had read it just prior to search and reunion and found it very helpful not only in dealing with emotions, and relationships but to know the other experiences of other adoptees. It's an extremely helpful book in shedding light on the many issues in the psychology of the adopted.

Being adopted myself, I've read several books on the subject. But this is the one I kept coming back to for all the good and the bad. No punchs are pulled with anyone and everyone I know who have read it are able to relate to most of it.

This book is right on-point. Superbly explains the issues and complications of adoption. This should be compulsory reading for anyone involved in adoption, including adoptees, adopting families, natural families, and social workers.