Customer Reviews

Lost & Found: One Daughter's Story of Amazing Grace

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Each of us experience times in life when we feel alone and disconnected. The lack of relational intimacy with the people we love can be especially painful. It often contributes to unhealthy behaviors as a means to cope with the pain. In the stories of individuals who break their addiction, you will nearly always find one person or a group of people who helped heal the wounds of the addicted with love and encouragement.

Lost & Found is the poignant story of Kathryn Slattery, a contributing editor of Guideposts magazine and author of several books. In the book, Kitty describes her disconnection with her mother and father, the onset of bulimia, how her husband Tom's love and encouragement helped her overcome bulimia, and finally how Kitty reconnected with her parents.

I enjoyed this book. As a writer and speaker about the importance of connection in organizations, I was interested to see that some of the same dynamics that affect relationships in the workplace were also at play in Kitty's story. Lost & Found helped me see several examples of how connections are diminished and how they can be restored. Excessive criticism, lack of transparency, perceived indifference, geographic dislocation and alcohol are the agents of disconnection in Kitty's story. Kitty's husband Tom becomes the primary agent of re-connection and it is his affection, steady optimism and encouragement that help heal her wounds and give her the strength to overcome bulimia. Eventually, with time, healing and self-reflection, Kitty is able to reconnect with her mother and father.

I recommend this book. On one level, this is Kitty's story; on another, it is a study of the powerful effect of relationships and connection in our lives. It will be especially valuable to those who feel disconnected from their parents or other family members. I imagine most of us feel that way with at least some of our family members. It will help you think about what contributed to disconnection in your own life and how to restore it. Lost & Found is an ideal book for a book group. It would stimulate a lot of discussion around the connections and disconnections in our lives. These conversations tend to be healing too.

Beautiful delineation of how the grace of God can heal all wounds and create new life; a very moving memoir.

Kitty's book was such an honest, open, heartwarming personal story!!
A true life lesson in how "Nothing is wasted in God's economy"
Sara Marshall

In an opening letter to her readers, Kathryn ("Kitty") Slattery says, "All of us have a story to tell. When we choose to share our stories, extraordinary things can happen." Most memoirs focus on a certain theme --- a thread that runs through the author's life. And here Slattery draws out "the story of my mother and me --- two very different people." In these pages, there is keen insight for daughters who have wished for better mothering. It's not that Kitty had a stereotypically abusive mother, but one with a perfectionist bent, a self-absorbed view.

Kitty's childhood home looked a lot like that of other baby boomers --- a successful corporate father and a devoted wife who tended her family. (Did she really wear pumps as she vacuumed?) Kitty's one sibling was 10 years her senior, which plays into the family dynamics. One day young Kitty discovered a document that implied that her older sister was a step-sister, that her mother had been divorced before marrying Kitty's father. But Kitty's mother wouldn't answer her questions. "Don't be a snoop," she said. And, "This is none of your business... And it's certainly nothing for you to worry about." But Kitty was a worrier. "With the discovery of the birth certificate in the breakfront, my world had been turned upside down and inside out. The fact that things were out of order, and that things might not be as they seemed, scared me to death."

Kitty obviously needed a mother who would listen to her, explain mysteries rather than withhold information, encourage her rather than ridicule. As Kitty saw it, "she was not exactly the kind of mother I wanted and needed." Nor was Kitty the perfect daughter, primed to catch the perfect man. "Oh, Kitty," Mrs. Mother said one day. "You think too much... Boys don't like girls who think too much." A little overweight (having once bought clothes in the "`Chubbette' department at Sears") in high school, Kitty felt parental pressure to take off the extra pounds. Dieting led to self-purging --- and this in the late 1960s, before magazine articles explained the phenomenon, before eating disorders took Karen Carpenter's life. It was Kitty's dark secret --- like her father's chronic drinking.

In college Kitty committed her life to Christ, a turning point in her life, though not the end of her struggle with bulimia. That abated only after she realized it was a not uncommon disease; she no longer felt uniquely dysfunctional and found the inner resources and community support --- principally a secure relationship with the man she married --- to live on an even keel.

In the last third of LOST & FOUND, after Kitty has children of her own, she works on mending her relationship with her mother, even bringing her into a "mother-in-law apartment" in her suburban home. Here she comes to a new understanding of her mother that one can hope for in middle age. She sensed God saying, "I'm giving you this time with her." For what purpose? Kitty wasn't sure, but, looking for grace, she eventually found out.

--- Reviewed by Evelyn Bence

"Anyone who has ever had a strained maternal relationship, harbored a secret addiction, felt the unrelenting pressure of the sandwich generation or struggled to access God's grace through it all should read this beautifully pitched memoir...[with] a gentle, satisfyingly redemptive close: `In God's economy, nothing in life goes to waste.'"
- PUBLISHERS WEEKLY

"... A sweetly written, frank but dignified memoir of faith, personal renewal, and the joy of learning to forgive."
-- FAMILY CIRCLE (Book of the Month)

"... An intimate and deeply moving look at the healing powers of faith and love, Lost & Found is one of those books where once you start reading, you won't be able to set it down."
- CROSSINGS BOOK CLUB

"Lost & Found is a beautifully told and heartfelt journey through the pains of growing up and the trials of growing old. With humor and luminous precision of words this book shows us that we are not alone in what can seem a troubling and confusing journey. When talented authors like Kathryn Slattery dig deep into their souls for the truth, a book like Lost & Found is the result."
- JANE STERN, author, Road Food and Ambulance Girl

"With candor, honesty, and gentle self-effacing humor... Slattery shares her journey through a territory familiar to many baby boomers - the challenge of simultaneously caring for family, for aging parents, and for one's soul."
-- CBN.COM (Featured New Book Release)

"Lost & Found is a powerful memoir of the secrets a girl struggles to unravel, and how a as a young woman she must unravel a secret of her own. It is a compelling story about connecting the dots - from childhood to adulthood - leading to a triumphant conclusion. With heartfelt writing and vivid scenes, Kathryn Slattery shows how the past can be redeemed in a bold and joyful present."
-- RICK HAMLIN, author of Reading Between the Lines and Finding God on the A-Train

"[Lost & Found is a] story of grace and healing...that will impact more lives than you'll ever know. I'm pleased to have a copy for my family, and one for the church library."
-- RICK WARREN, Pastor, Saddleback Church

"Lost & Found is a refreshingly honest story of grace, forgiveness, redemption and love. It is a must-read for anyone whose life has been impacted by an eating disorder, as well as for anyone who is a mother or a daughter!" -- JOANI JACK, M.D. and JUDY HALLIDAY, R.N., authors of Raising Fit Kids in a Fat World

"With immense courage, Kathryn Slattery has walked back into the dark places in her own life, emerging with life-transforming insights for all those who, like so many of us, have...
* Wrestled with self-destructive habits
* Battled a negative self-image
* Longed to make a connection with a parent who ducks intimacy
Reading Lost & Found was like sitting with a cup of tea with an old friend who trusts me enough to share the dark as well as the light-filled places in her life. Thanks to Slattery's skill with words, I didn't just read her story, I experienced it with her. I heard her mother's "tinkly laugh like ice cubes in a tall cool glass of lemonade." Watched "the crystal stopper on the decanter cast hundreds of tiny glittering rainbows dancing on the ceiling." Felt the "marshmallow soft mattress" on an old double bed.
Best of all, as she discovered new depths of God's love, so did I. From a bowl of cake batter shattered on the floor, to the difficult final years with her mother, she makes the all-healing discovery that "nothing in life goes to waste."
- ELIZABETH SHERRILL, inspirational best-selling author, The Hiding Place, and All the Way to Heaven

"Lost & Found is the best book I have read about overcoming an eating disorder, and about experiencing healing, forgiveness and reconciliation through the power of God's love. It should be helpful to mothers and daughters everywhere."
- DR. WILLIAM P. WILSON, Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry and founder of the Program for Christianity in Medicine, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina

"Lost & Found takes us on a journey across the complicated terrain of one woman's heartbreaking but ultimately redemptive relationship with her mother. Kathryn Slattery shares her story with both courageous honesty and compelling poignancy. This is a worthy read for anyone on the quest to find meaning and hope from the brokenness of their past."
-- IAN MORGAN CRON, author, Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale

"Lost & Found is the moving account of a daughter's journey to wholeness. Kathryn Slattery explores in depth a complex mother-daughter relationship and in the process helps the reader discover truths that are relevant and applicable to every relationship. That is what makes the book so important."
-- JAMES N. LANE, Founder, New Canaan Society (international men's fellowship)

"Lost & Found is an intimate and honest portrayal of a daughter's struggle to love her mother as she learns to love herself. Through divine intervention, Kathryn Slattery finds the courage to forgive, and in the end discovers God's grace. This memoir is an inspiration for all who are looking for hope and healing."
-- DANIEL C. WALKER, Executive Director, Fellowship of Christians in Universities and Schools (FOCUS)
If I Could Ask God Anything: Awesome Bible Answers for Curious Kids

This book was a total inspiration about growing up and the relationship between mothers and daughters.You love each other but there are things that can be very hurtful in your relationship. It is a very honest look at the hurt and how freeing forgiveness can be. I related to so much of this memoir and could not put the book down. Your mother was courageous, Kathyrn but so were you! Please write more fiction novels in this time period, Kathyrn Slattery!

Pitch-perfect and moving, "Lost & Found" is a beautiful true story about the reconciliation between a mother and daughter. It's also about the healing power of God at work in the author's life in two ways: First, her healing from an eating disorder (bulimia) and secondly - on a deeper level - the ultimate healing of her disordered relationship with her mother. The last third of the book, when she takes care of her mother (who suffers blindness from macular degeneration) is particularly moving. I like the way the author writes honestly about her struggles, and I especially appreciated the fresh, original, non-preachy way she writes about matters of faith, plus the way she was able to see humor in difficult situations. Quick, gripping read. I didn't want the book to end! Book's major theme: "In God's economy, nothing goes to waste. Everything in life has value - even the pain - and something beautiful and good can come from life's most difficult circumstances and mistakes." Inspirational!

I was disappointed. The author held so much against her mother for so many years. She seemed to know little about forgiveness even after she claimed to receive God's grace.