The Lost Sheep [Paperback]

Diane (Author), D Fallon (Author), Tara Alpin (Author), Lynn Kubasek (Editor, Illustrator)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 31, 1987

This book is the original spoof on the parochial schools which used The Baltimore Catechism as the guide to behavioral modification and spiritual conditioning of their young pupils. Any Catholic who attended a parochial school before 1970 (Vatican 11) will get hysterical as they relive the horrors of that era.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Diane Dennis Fallon was born, raised and indoctrinated in New York, where she served ten years in a convent school. Upon her release, she spent several years getting out the cobwebs and graduated from college. She lives in the sin capitol of the world, Southern California, with her lawfully wedded husband and three immaculately conceived children.

Lynn Kubasek was born a Protestant, but eventually saw the "Light" and did the only thing she could do to atone for her pagan birth - she married a Catholic. While marrying a Catholic improved her chances of going to heaven, the births of her children should definitely clinch a spot for her. She also lives in Southern California where her artistic talents are sought after by major corporations and universities.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 4, The Commandments

The most important thing to remember about the commandments is not understanding what they mean, but being able to recite them flawlwssly when monsignor visits the class.

1. I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have have strange gods before me.
Interpretation: Don't go to Elvis Presley movies or enter Protestant churches.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
Interpretation: No pleading to God for help in hopeless situations, like asking if it's okay to got to Elvis Presley movies.

3. Remember thou keep holy the Sabbath.
Interpretation: Don't do any homework or chores around the house on Sunday. Also, mom and dad get to do nothing on the weekends.

4. Honor thy father andmother.
Interpretation: You must obey mom and dad in all areas ecept when they tell you to take a bath and eat liver and lima beans.

5. Thou shalt not kill.
Interpretation: Don't hurt or do harm to anybody. If bugs count we're all going to H-E-double-hockey sticks for sure.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Interpretation: Don't disobey your parents or dress up in mom's clothes. If you're a boy, no "F" words. If you're a girl, no hanging by your heels from trees.

7. Thou shalt not steal.
Interpretation: This is the one commandment that makes sense.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
Interpretation: Don't gossip about your neighbors, even if they are dirty Protestants and deserve every rotten thing you have to say about them.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
Interpretation: Uninterpretable.

10. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's goods.
Interpretation: Whatever it is you don't do to your neighbor's wife, you don't do to his goods either.

11. Thou shalt not forget the commandments when monsignor visits the class*
Interpretation: Have monsignor hear your last confession because when he leaves Attila the Nun is going to kill you for disgracing the class.

* This is the most important commandment to learn, because it you don't know this one, you won't live long enough to break the other ten.

Product Details

• Paperback: 94 pages
• Publisher: Dickens Press; 1 edition (December 31, 1987)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0961817607
• ISBN-13: 978-0961817602
• Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #8,932,965 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)