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Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs [Paperback]

Ethlie Ann Vare
4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)

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Book Description

September 1, 2011
Neuroscience now shows us--in living color, thanks to PET scans and fMRI technology--that falling in love affects our brains precisely the same way as snorting cocaine. Award-winning author and screenwriter Ethlie Ann Vare already knew that; she's been addicted to both. She survived to tell the tale . . . with humor, honesty, and hope.

Just because something is addictive doesn't mean that you will get addicted to it. But . . . if your stomach ties up in knots while you count the seconds waiting for a phone call from that special someone . . . if you hear a loud buzzing in your ears when you see a certain person's car (or one just like it) . . . if your eyes burn when you hear a random love song or see a couple holding hands . . . if you suffer the twin agonies of craving for and withdrawing from a series of unrequited crushes or toxic relationships . . . if you always feel like you're clutching at someone's ankle and dragged across the floor as they try to leave the room . . . welcome to the club.

With a light touch and a sharp wit, Ethlie has enlisted some famous love junkies--including supermodel Amber Smith, movie star William McNamara, and comedienne Margaret Cho--and the top therapists and researchers in the field to help lead you from the dark of despair into the dawn of recovery.

Frequently Bought Together

Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs + Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love + How to Break Your Addiction to a Person
Price for all three: $32.76

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"More than a recovery guide for love addicts. Vare's humorist style takes the reader on a journey through love addiction throughout the ages and explains the science behind it.... Her humor makes even the drier, more technical side of addiction easy to understand and fun to read." - Counselor Magazine

Ethlie Ann Vare shares the stories of addicts and her own, as well as interviews with therapists [and] addiction specialists.  Some of the anecdotes in this book are funny.  Others are just tragic.  This is a book that sheds light on one of the fastest growing addictions in our society and should be taken very seriously. - Blush Magazine

This book is awesome!!!!! - Margaret Cho

Witty, wise, and wonderfully courageous....You don't need to be an addict to enjoy or 'get' this book. It's a must-read for any woman who has ever struggled with love in her life - Carrie Borzillo ("Cherry Bomb," "Sinner Takes All")

Ethlie infuses her narrative with wit, irony and a breezy writing style - Bonnie Gabriel ("The Art of Erotic Talk")

About the Author

Award-winning author, journalist, and screenwriter Ethlie Ann Vare has survived four marriages, drug addiction, jail, and network television. The wit behind the hot humor blog Affection Deficit Disorder, Ethlie started out as a rock-n-roll disc jockey, then became known as an expert on pop culture and a syndicated newspaper columnist. Her books range from biographies of superstars (Stevie Nicks, Ozzy Osbourne, Legend: Frank Sinatra and the American Dream) to adventures in distant galaxies (Andromeda: The Broken Places). She is a featured speaker on campus nationwide thanks to her popular history books about women inventors: Mothers of Invention and Patently Female. Most recently she has been writing for TV shows from the ridiculous (Beastmaster) to the sublime (CSI).


Product Details

  • Paperback: 264 pages
  • Publisher: HCI; 1 edition (September 1, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 075731595X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0757315954
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.4 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #78,010 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

The latest offering from writer/producer Ethlie Ann Vare, LOVE ADDICT: SEX, ROMANCE AND OTHER DANGEROUS DRUGS (HCI Books, Sept. 2011), takes on the addictions we don't want to talk about... and talks about them, in ways smart, funny, revealing and ultimately healing.

Ethlie is best known for writing and producing popular television shows including GENE RODDENBERRY'S ANDROMEDA, CSI, EARTH: FINAL CONFLICT, RENEGADE and SILK STALKINGS. A former rock journalist, Ethlie also worked in front of the camera as a "music gossip" on E! Entertainment Television.

Yet, surprisingly, she is an award-winning historian, whose books and lectures about women inventors are lauded worldwide. MOTHERS OF INVENTION (Wm. Morrow, 1988) and PATENTLY FEMALE (Wiley & Son, 2001) co-written with Greg Ptacek, are still the most-quoted books on the subject.

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
(18)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HIGHER LOVE October 19, 2011
Format:Paperback
I read Love Addict with interest, with identification, with admiration and respect for Vare's writing, research, recovery.

My own take on "love addiction" is that it is at bottom an existential, metaphysical, theological, and in the end religious subject (religion meaning "to bind back together"). I've had to learn that just as the guy can't heal, fix, make me whole, I CAN'T DO THAT FOR HIM EITHER--and the ramifications of that go far, far beyond "recovery." They go to my whole place in the universe, the meaning of suffering, where I am to put my erotic/procreative urge, the capacity of my heart for love. Only through letting my desire go "to the stars" (i.e. not around, but through and beyond the guy) do we both take on our true significance in the scheme of things. I'm able to let go not because I love him less but because I love a little more authentically...

At the same time, TO BE SURE, you have to quit writing 8-page single-spaced letters, defriend the guy on FB, and realize that your "love" is impacting his wife, kids, and career. This is where Vare's book comes in right handy. Her goal is to define love addiction, let you decide if you're hooked, introduce you to some fellow travelers, provide tools, and make you laugh, all of which she does in spades--though in several places my impulse was not so much to laugh as to hide my face in my hands and shudder, or cry.

Here's a sampling of her pithy, common-sense reflections/advice:
"Just because your addiction isn't your fault doesn't mean it's not your responsibility." "Substance abuse isn't about the substance; it's about the abuser."
"Love addicts have a pathological relationship to their own body chemistry. We are obeying physical signals we neither recognize nor understand."
"Mind you, simple is not the same as easy. I never said it would be easy. For starters, odds are that you don't want to recover. What you want is to be cured."
"Ask yourself `What would a normal person do under these circumstances?' Then, do that."

But to me, the most valuable chapter was the last--"Higher Love." She quotes Dr. Richard Lorenz: "People spend their lives searching for the One, never realizing that One they are searching for is their Self." She quotes Richard Firestone: "Emotional hunger is not love. It is a primitive condition of pain and longing which people act out in a desperate and vain attempt to fill a void or emptiness." She consults the scientists and finds that giving to others ACTIVATES THE SAME PART OF OUR BRAINS AS MAKING LOVE AND ROMANTIC LONGING. What else do we need to know? Thanks to Ethlie Ann Vare for giving us this book.
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome! Funny and Informative September 13, 2011
By lele
Format:Paperback
What a great read! I just finished this, and it really helped me understand love and sex addiction in a different context than either the media spin or the clinical understanding. It was a nice balance of humor and compassion for those who have and are dealing with addiction. I really enjoyed the witty writing and loved that it is backed up by scientific research--I was entertained and thoroughly informed. Highly recommend to persons dealing with any sort of addiction, or those interested in what a person feels and goes through with love addiction without feeling depressed about love!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Oh, thank God! THAT'S what's wrong!!! August 2, 2012
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
I cannot believe how dead-on this analysis of the absurdity of my life is. It talks about how the brain reacts when you're in love, when you're addicted to substances, how "normal" people react to such things, and explains how, with great dignity, we can self-diagnose what is NOT normal behavior.

I was relieved to know that there is a difference between Love Addiction and Sex Addiction, but know that there is a reasonable amount of stihgma attached to both. This is a frank, down-to-earth, yet scientifically-sound explanation of

Thank you for this wonderful resource. I recently went through an episode where I saw my ex drive by with another woman in the car, and I didn't HAVE to follow him, create chaos, embarass myself and him, potentially get arrested for stalking, any of the nonsense that could have been. I had the same physiological symptoms... my heart raced, my blood pressure shot up, i started panicking... but I knew what to do, and more importantly HOW to do it!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!
The writer captures the essence of this addiction and does so in a humorous way, making it easier to relate to her experience.
Published 11 days ago by Loraine
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book!
This woman knows how to write! I loved this book because it was very informative and entertaining at the same time.
Published 2 months ago by Stacy
5.0 out of 5 stars Not just an opinion, well researched and well written
This book is not just one more opinion or experience, it has some good interviews and research behind it along with the author's experience.
Published 5 months ago by JBwriter
5.0 out of 5 stars Well worth reading
Love addiction is poorly understood subject and thanks to the books we can understand it better, This book is an easy , informative and gently guiding reader what is good. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Maya
4.0 out of 5 stars Good read
It is a good book to read. At times it can be dry. But i was able to take a lot away folrom it
Published 6 months ago by monteiz
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent read!
It's amazing to find a book that is extremely insightful and helpful-and so well written with witty candidness that it is also entertaining. Read more
Published 7 months ago by SLA girl
5.0 out of 5 stars Love addict
Excellent book well written and thought out without being over the top.I would recommend this to anyone who is struggling with these issues.
Published 7 months ago by Kevin J. Murphey
5.0 out of 5 stars If you're always trying to get out of a bad crush/infatuation - this...
I have to say this book really hit the nail on the head for me. Not only has Ms Vare made her experience count but the vast amount of research and scientific bits in this book,... Read more
Published 9 months ago by Sara
4.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
Excellent book, well written, easy to read. Hits the nail on the head. I have a list of friends to loan it out to. Highly recommend.
Published 10 months ago by Karianne
5.0 out of 5 stars Up Close and Personal with the Ugly Toad of Love Addiction!
This book has it all! Humorous and humanizing--I couldn't put it down. I've read it twice! The subject matter of love and sex addiction drew me to the book personally and then I... Read more
Published 15 months ago by cate lin
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