To Love and Be Loved [Hardcover]

Sam Keen (Author)

Book Description

ISBN-10: 0553089048 | ISBN-13: 978-0553089042 | Publication Date: July 1, 1997 | Edition: First Printing

To Love and Be Loved is a spirited challenge to a culture obsessed with romance and intimacy but dangerously ignorant of the full range of human love. Like a fresh wind, Sam Keen sweeps away tired self-help nostrums and reams of "bad advice from Dr. Lonelyhearts" to reveal a stunningly new map of love in all its forms.



Love is not something we "fall" into, claims Keen, but a complex art combining many skills and talents that take a lifetime to learn fully. At the center of his book are sixteen distinct "elements of love": ranging from attention--a precious gift we can bestow on co-worker, friend, child, and spouse alike--to more exclusive gifts like desire and sexuality. Combining stories, poems and quotes with insights from modern psychology and spiritual tradition, Keen brilliantly explores the elements of memory and solitude in love, the importance of both enjoyment and commitment, and how we can cultivate the essential qualities of empathy and compassion. Each piece ends with suggestions for strengthening our daily practice of the element, so that we constantly enlarge our ability to love in all our relationships.



The final section of the book is a soaring meditation on the claim that "those who love know God," an invitation to experience our place in the universe through the eyes of love.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

The author of the New York Times bestseller Fire In the Belly turns his attention to love: what it is, why we try to attain it, and how to succeed at it. Sam Keen, a philosopher with Ivy League credentials, is able to write in a flowing, conversational style that conveys poetic ideas in accessible and subtly humorous prose. To Love and Be Loved is a hybrid of a psychological self-help text and a romantic memoir. Keen the scholar found himself studying Keen the lover. "In the course of writing this book, I have been frequently embarrassed to discover that I know more about love than I put into practice," Keen admits in a typically humble passage.

From Kirkus Reviews

The prolific Keen (Hymns to an Unknown God: Awakening the Spirit in Everyday Life, 1994; Fire in the Belly, 1991; etc.) sets out to explore why we obstinately hide from the knowledge that love (of one's family, one's labors, and of some one significant other) ``is the way, the truth, and the life,'' and to suggest how we may deal with those fears and find the kind of love that makes us feel ``rooted'' and secure in our lives. Mixing some frank autobiographical recollections with brief aphoristic explorations of love's nature and rewards, and mingling lists of questions for readers intent on analyzing their behavior with specific examples of those haplessly in pursuit of love in all the wrong places, Keen provides a deft review, often insightful (and even moving), flawed by its declamatory style and somewhat confused organization. More shrewdly self-aware than many self-help books, but still too dogmatic, too much of a fix-it manual, to provide a penetrating and original meditation on love. -- Copyright ©1997, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 244 pages
• Publisher: Bantam; First Printing edition (July 1, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0553089048
• ISBN-13: 978-0553089042
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.1 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #720,018 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

SAM KEEN'S VITA I was over educated at Harvard and Princeton and was a professor of philosophy and religion at various legitimate institutions for 20 years before becoming a contributing editor of Psychology Today, a freelance thinker, lecturer, seminar leader and consultant. I am the author of a bakers dozen books, a co-producer of an award winning PBS documentary, Faces of the Enemy. My work was the subject of a 60 minute PBS special Bill Moyers-Your Mythic Journey with Sam Keen.

When not writing or traveling around the world lecturing and doing seminars on a wide range of topics on which I am not necessarily an expert but a skilled explorer, I fiddle with growing things on my farm in the hills above Sonoma, and practice the flying trapeze.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Life's lessons on love in plain english, November 26, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: To Love and Be Loved (Paperback)

I liked Sam Keen's "A Passionate Life" very much, considering it to be the best summary by one author on what we might hope for if we choose to live life more fully. This book, 10 years later, is also very rich. Sam has a wonderful way of opening himself up and sharing both his loves and his losses with the reader. This man has clearly done his work and he admits he is still learning.

I normally won't read any book that gives me a numbered list of things I'm supposed to remember or incorporate into my life. Sam has a list of 16 qualities of love (if I recall correctly) and I stayed with him through them all. The simplicity of his approach and power of his writing make it work, e.g. the first quality of love Sam describes is Attention. And guess what? I realize on reflection how little attention I give to others in my life, and how little I get back. That is a good starting place for improving my capacity as a loving person and it is easy to remember. So typical of Sam's clarity and authenticity.

I agree with the earlier review that this book should be read in bits. It took me several months (and it is a small book). The richness and the depth of this book required that I frequently stop and reflect. Highly recommended.

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Love is . . ., June 10, 2001

By 

JMack (Chicago) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)   

This review is from: To Love and Be Loved (Paperback)

I have been a fan of Sam Keen since I read his book "Fire in the Belly" a few years back. I have not read any of Keen's other books until this book captured my interest in the bookstore.

Keen makes the argument that love is often misunderstood by those who claim to be in the know. Keen argues that love is not the same in all situations. Their are different types of love in different types of situations. Keen uses stories from his own life and the lives of others to demonstrate his thesis. The is the love one feels for their mate, their children, their friend, and their supreme being.

Keen's explanation of marriage is what stocks out most about this book. Keen dispells the myth of soul mates. A couple does not perefectly melt into each other but is able conform to each other and understand each other's needs. We all probably don't have perfect mates, but a number of mates could complement us well.

Many readers will be disappointed to find that this book is not really related to sex. Although sex is part of love, love is what makes life worth living. Sex without love lacks substance.

12 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Book to Rejuvenate your Soul, March 24, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: To Love and Be Loved (Paperback)

If you're looking for a kind book to refresh your spirits, then this is it. The tone of the book is warmth, patience, and gentle guidance. The first part of the book covers the art of being a great lover. Part II, which I found most useful, identifies the elements of love. These are best explored one chapter at a time, with plenty of time to reflect on his writings.