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Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships Paperback – February 4, 2003


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Frequently Bought Together

Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships + Love Is a Choice Workbook + Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Thomas Nelson; 1 edition (February 4, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0785263756
  • ISBN-13: 978-0785263753
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (66 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,969 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Frank Minirth, M.D., is founder of The Minirth Clinic and has authored or co-authored more than thirty books, including Happiness Is a Choice, and Worry-free Living.

Paul Meier, M.D. is a psychiatrist and founder of the national chain of Meier Clinics as well as best-selling author or co-author of more than eighty books. He holds five degrees in the fields of medicine, psychiatry, and theology. Happily married, he has six children and two grandchildren.

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Customer Reviews

What an eye opener for me!
Peggy
I think recognition and understanding are the first steps to getting healthy in relationships and this will definitely help that.
Tatty
It is very easy reading and very simple to understand.
Fuzzy Lake

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

74 of 78 people found the following review helpful By Paul Skinner on March 1, 2004
Format: Paperback
Don't let the title fool you. Although this is a book about dealing with failed adult relationships, the main emphasis in on the phenomena of co-dependency. Unresolved issues of childhood are the primary cause, and Drs Hemfelt, Minnerth and Meier go through many real life case studies that lead the reader to examine their own life, as well as the life of thier "significant other". Realizing how your lowly filled "love tank" is affecting your life is a powerful tool for recovery. Realizing you have a loving heavenly father is a key to recovery as well. I think this book is excellent for anybody experiencing a significant problem with a marriage or other long term relationship.
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42 of 43 people found the following review helpful By Alaska Mystique on June 7, 2005
Format: Paperback
Having been raised in a home with an alcoholic father and abusive parents in general, I was left in a codependant stuper. At thrity-something and after the birth of a fourth child I found myself in a serious depression I couldn't shake. Having gone through years of counseling and having dealt with much of my past, I was suprised to see it creep up again. This book gave me some powerfully accurate information as well as some great tools for dealing with my situation. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to finally be rid of the old tapes in their head.
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47 of 53 people found the following review helpful By Lisui on December 27, 2005
Format: Paperback
I found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back.

This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life.

Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.
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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Fuzzy Lake on January 11, 2007
Format: Paperback
This is a must read for individuals with codependant issues. It is written from a biblical perspective by three Drs. Is uses scripture all the way through it. It is very easy reading and very simple to understand. The very best book on codependancy I have ever read. I use it to counsel people.
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22 of 26 people found the following review helpful By Kesihua on November 5, 2007
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book surprised me. It fell into my hands with perfect timing in midlife.

While I am not as deeply affected in many areas "lost childhood", "abuse" etc. there are many concepts that were most helpful. I identified with "passive abuse" through emotional absence of my parents and the fact that I measure others' childhood by my own as the "norm" because it's all I know. Also tremendously helpful is the concept of "repetition compulsion" where I am 'driven' to recreate as an adult the home I grew up in - in everything from taste in decor to relational patterns with my wife and children. Despite the quality or lack of it in some areas of the home I gerw up in, it was nonetheless the place I found what security I could. I want that security again. I have been searching for "home" for many years and now I know why.

Other helpful chapters were "The Snowball Effect of Addiction", "Anger" and "Codependent or Healthy Relationships" as well as "Codependent or Interdependent Relationships." We think codependency is something extreme but it is a matter of degree really. We all are somewhat codependent, and this is at the very least evident in the degree of emotion with which we respond to others. Also "The Roles People Play" in which I could recognize all my siblings at different times in one or more patterns behaving in response to our pain (hero, scapegoat, mascot, lost child, placater, rescuer, martyr etc.)

Finally key chapters were "The Stages of Recovery", "Leaving Home and Saying Goodbye," "Seeing Yourself in a New Light," "New Experiences and Reparenting."

I have recently bought the companion workbook I intend to work through.

I have also begun discussing a few concepts with my siblings and am finding some reception and agreement.

Another book that's just as helpful is "Kids Who Carry Our Pain" by Hemfelt and Warren.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful By Lisa A. Romano on April 17, 2012
Format: Paperback
Right around the time when I began to realize that my marriage was not going to survive, I dove into self help and recovery books with laser like precision. I bought this book, because I was in need of knowing whether or not there was some way I could save my marriage on my own. The title "Love is a Choice" prompted me to think that perhaps love was that simple; a matter of choice.

I was happily surprised when I began to understand the premise of the book was not that simple. We all have the choice to love ourselves or not. We all have the choice to learn about our inner wounds or not. We all have the choice to try to understand why we are the way we are, or not.

This book helped clear up my ideas about codependency and the innumerable ways in which it effects our minute to minute thought processes.

Although I could not save my marriage alone, I did learn to save myself...

The concepts in this book were clear and easy to follow. Their many case studies made understanding very complex relationship dynamics easy to relate to.

There is not anyone who would not benefit from the teachings in this book.

I highly recommend this book...

Namaste...
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