Customer Reviews

Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

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I found the information in this book very helpful. It is easy to read and understand. It is encouraging. It provides insight into what's going on when you're trying to cast off old ways of living that hold you back.

This book is worth reading, not only for the information to help you grow personally, but to be more aware and understanding of others in your life.

Although the authors may be religious, this does not come across heavily in the book and would not complicate a non-religious person using the information and insights to change things they don't like.

Having been raised in a home with an alcoholic father and abusive parents in general, I was left in a codependant stuper. At thrity-something and after the birth of a fourth child I found myself in a serious depression I couldn't shake. Having gone through years of counseling and having dealt with much of my past, I was suprised to see it creep up again. This book gave me some powerfully accurate information as well as some great tools for dealing with my situation. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to finally be rid of the old tapes in their head.

Don't let the title fool you. Although this is a book about dealing with failed adult relationships, the main emphasis in on the phenomena of co-dependency. Unresolved issues of childhood are the primary cause, and Drs Hemfelt, Minnerth and Meier go through many real life case studies that lead the reader to examine their own life, as well as the life of thier "significant other". Realizing how your lowly filled "love tank" is affecting your life is a powerful tool for recovery. Realizing you have a loving heavenly father is a key to recovery as well. I think this book is excellent for anybody experiencing a significant problem with a marriage or other long term relationship.

This book surprised me. It fell into my hands with perfect timing in midlife.

While I am not as deeply affected in many areas "lost childhood", "abuse" etc. there are many concepts that were most helpful. I identified with "passive abuse" through emotional absence of my parents and the fact that I measure others' childhood by my own as the "norm" because it's all I know. Also tremendously helpful is the concept of "repetition compulsion" where I am 'driven' to recreate as an adult the home I grew up in - in everything from taste in decor to relational patterns with my wife and children. Despite the quality or lack of it in some areas of the home I gerw up in, it was nonetheless the place I found what security I could. I want that security again. I have been searching for "home" for many years and now I know why.

Other helpful chapters were "The Snowball Effect of Addiction", "Anger" and "Codependent or Healthy Relationships" as well as "Codependent or Interdependent Relationships." We think codependency is something extreme but it is a matter of degree really. We all are somewhat codependent, and this is at the very least evident in the degree of emotion with which we respond to others. Also "The Roles People Play" in which I could recognize all my siblings at different times in one or more patterns behaving in response to our pain (hero, scapegoat, mascot, lost child, placater, rescuer, martyr etc.)

Finally key chapters were "The Stages of Recovery", "Leaving Home and Saying Goodbye," "Seeing Yourself in a New Light," "New Experiences and Reparenting."

I have recently bought the companion workbook I intend to work through.

I have also begun discussing a few concepts with my siblings and am finding some reception and agreement.

Another book that's just as helpful is "Kids Who Carry Our Pain" by Hemfelt and Warren.

This is a must read for individuals with codependant issues. It is written from a biblical perspective by three Drs. Is uses scripture all the way through it. It is very easy reading and very simple to understand. The very best book on codependancy I have ever read. I use it to counsel people.

This is the premier book for overcoming codependency, especially for Christians. It was actually one of my required textbooks in Bible college. I have read this book over and over again. As a Christian counselor, I have recommended it so many times I should be getting royalties! This books helps you to understanding your hurts and behaviors, where they came from and how to be set free. I appreciate the fact that it is not written just for the family members and friends of addicts like most codependency books and addresses "unhealthy relationships" instead.

I was referred to this book through my psychologist and before I even read the book I had NO idea what codependency was or even if you could be cured from it. The minute I picked up the book and started reading it I saw myself in it. This book has helped tremendously, as well as my faith in Christ and relying on him. If you are someone or know someone struggling with this type of "Addiction". Then I highly recommend this book. God bless.

Without a doubt, one of the most detailed and researched books about many of the aspects of love and relationships, and why we are the way we are about them. I would recommend this to anyone looking to truly enrich their lives!!

Love Is A Choice is a book that you will pick up through the years and reread. Your way of thinking will be challenged, learn to better understand yourself, the choices you make and the way you think! It is one of the best books I ever read!

I am a spiritual person but not Christian. Have a friend who is always trying to get me to go to church with her and giving me religious information. When I broke up with my boyfriend, she used it as an opportunity to continue the trend and give me this. I was a bit skeptical but was hurting and read it because I was desperate. Found the information helpful and the book actually pretty interesting. Made me look at things from a different perspective. I think Christians and those who are open-minded will benefit by reading this book. For a more secular viewpoint, look at Codependent No More.