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I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know Paperback – March 7, 1997

ISBN-13: 978-1572301931 ISBN-10: 1572301937 Edition: Revised edition

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 292 pages
  • Publisher: The Guilford Press; Revised edition edition (March 7, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572301937
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572301931
  • Product Dimensions: 9 x 6.1 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (50 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #219,360 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This is a great book! My husband is a rookie cop and I found the book extremely helpful. I'm recommending it to all the other cop spouses and family members I know!"--Liesa M. Persaud, Tulsa, Oklahoma

"I have been a peace officer for almost 27 years and have just recently started reading Dr. Kirschman's book. I wish I had read it a long time ago!"--Jerry Evagelatos, Fremont County Sheriff's Office, Riverton, Wyoming

"I Love a Cop is 'must' reading for police recruits, police officers and their family members. Dr. Kirschman's grasp, understanding, and description of how police work provides unique challenges to the officer and the law enforcement family is grounded in years of experience helping police officers and their families through issues and problems commonly encountered in police work. She not only identifies law enforcement career problems, but also offers simple and practical ways to prevent or remedy potential adverse effects of police work on the officer and family."--Gary Kaufmann, PsyD, Chief Police Psychologist, Behavior Science Section, Michigan Department of State Police

"I can't believe there is finally a training manual on how to survive in a law enforcement family. I wish this book had been available 20 years ago when I first started speaking to spouses about having a family member in law enforcement. This book is not only for the family, but for the officer as well. Reading this book could very well save a few police marriages, help the police officer and family cope through the various stages of the profession, as well as helping those planning on marrying into this calling know what is ahead. It would also be a tremendous help to those in law enforcement support groups as we struggle to understand the cop in our lives and be there for the new spouse or family member that doesn't yet understand. I feel this book is a must for the law enforcement officer as well as their family." --Karen Lippe, President, Grand Lodge Auxiliary, Fraternal Order of Police

"I consider reading Ellen Kirschman's I Love a Cop a necessary prerequisite for any clinician who comes into contact with those who work in law enforcement or their families. This should be required reading for all recruits and their families." --Lieutenant Al Benner, Ph.D., 30-year veteran, San Francisco Police Department

"This excellent book, packed with helpful information, and specific examples, is written for police families, and is also invaluable for mental health professionals working with them. Beautifully written and very absorbing to read, this book is focused on the psychological and emotional aspects of police work, and the ways in which these stresses impact family life. On every page Dr. Kirschman demonstrates a sensitive understanding of the men, women, and families involved in a public service career of almost overwhelming difficulty. I Love A Cop is a gift of inestimable value to the families themselves, and to the mental health professionals who are attempting to understand and help them." --Emily B. Visher, Ph.D. and John S. Visher, M.D., Cofounders, Stepfamily Association of America

"I Love A Cop should be required reading for all police recruits and their families. Dr. Kirschman has presented in a clear manner the issues facing police officers today - both on the job and at home. By openly discussing police family violence and the discrimination faced by women and minorities on the job, she has pushed aside the veil of secrecy that so often descends over these issues. And, best of all, she offers constructive steps that can be taken to lessen the impact of stress on police officers and their families." --Chief Penny Harrington, Director, National Center for Women and Policing

"Ellen has presented all the information I gathered in 21 years as a police officer's spouse. Now police spouses can have the advantage of knowing and understanding the stresses of police life before they experience it through the job. Living with a cop and not understanding what he or she goes through is like riding rapids down the Arkansas River without a raft. This book provides a life raft for police families to help them understand the profession. This book gives clear understanding of the police profession to help families cope with the toughest people job in the world. The law enforcement profession affords families a wonderful way of life, but it is a way of life and this book explains it all so well. Where were you Ellen Kirschman from 1970-1992? This book is long overdue!" --Suzie Sawyer, Executive Director, Concerns of Police Survivors.

"I Love A Cop is an impressive synthesis of relevant information within a context of empathic, experiential vignettes. Dr. Kirschman's book will be an invaluable tool for the Metro-Dade Police Department, both for training purposes with recruits and in-service officers, as well as a resource for my marital and couples patients."--Scott W. Allen, PhD, Staff Psychologist, Metro-Dade Police Department, Florida

". . .I would like to take this opportunity to publicly recognize Dr. Ellen Kirschman for her presentation entitled, Organizational Stress: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Ellen read excerpts from chapters of her soon to be released book by the title of I Love a Cop, which is being published by Guilford Publications (1-800-365-7006) with an anticipated release for February, 1997. Rarely, if ever, have I seen a group of police psychologists so emotionally reactive. I can personally say I was profoundly affected by the experience. I also know many of my peers were similarly moved. Thank you Ellen for your gift of such an intense emotional communication." --Scott W. Allen, PhD, Staff Psychologist, Metro-Dade Police Department, Florida; [do not cite APA affiliation: Chair, Division 18, American Psychological Association, Police and Public Safety Psychology Section] in The Psychologist and Public Service Newsletter, Division 18 of APA.

"Not just theory, the stories she relates are drawn from the actual files of police psychologists from throughout the country. The entire book can be either read straight through from cover to cover or used as a handy manual by selecting specific chapters that apply to each individual's own specific problem or problems. ...easy-to-read. The book would make an excellent gift to any individual with a family member or loved one who is working in law enforcement. Highly recommended." --Fred R. Egloff, Law Enforcement Memorial Association, Spring '97.

About the Author

Dr. Ellen Kirschman, clinical psychologist and consultant, has been working with law enforcement agencies for over 20 years. She has written extensively about the law enforcement culture and is sought after as a speaker and seminar leader. Dr. Kirschman has been an invited guest at the FBI academy and is a member of the Psychology Section of the International Association of Chiefs of Police. She resides in Redwood City, California.

More About the Author

My fourth book and first novel - Burying Ben is a mystery inspired by the stories and secrets I've heard during my thirty years as a police psychologist. Before it was published, it won first prize for the best not-yet-in-print novel from the Public Safety Writers Association. Writing fiction is a new skill for me. I used to think that making things up would be easier than writing non-fiction. What a delusion! Creating a story that captures the reader's attention from page one is a tricky business. I also have a new non-fiction book, Counseling Cops: What Clinicians Need to Know/ My co-authors, Mark Kamena and Joel Fay, are both psychologists and former cops. We wrote this book in the hope that when cops ask for help, something they don't do easily, they get the help they deserve from clinicians who understand the challenges they and their families face everyday.

I love to hear from readers. Write to me on my website, www.ellenkirschman.com. If you like my books and are so inclined, please post a review on Amazon or Goodreads.


Customer Reviews

I was assigned this book to read in one of my AJ classes and I'm really glad I did.
Shanna Murray
It's definitely a book that every law enforcement family needs to read..and it's a great reference book as well.
Karen Kaczmarczyk
It deals with the day to day realities as well as the traumas that go along with living with a cop.
L. Mitcham

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 38 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 24, 2001
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book is excellent only if you love a cop who is either abusive, an alcoholic or who has been shot. I am married to a caring and happy law enforcement officer and it didn't apply. Only 60 or so pages covers some of the everyday stresses of a cop's life, which is why I bought the book. Even that section didn't help me to empathize with the difficulties of my husband's job because it told stories anyone could guess existed. The rest covered how to identify abuse, alcoholism, and extreme emotional difficulties like how to identify if someone is at risk for suicide. This book will scare anyone away from the thought of entering law enforcement. They'll think they will inevitably turn into a monster. I want my money back.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 31, 2001
Format: Paperback
THis book was insightful to me as someone whose father was a cop for thirty years, advised me to never date a cop, and I reached the age of 40 before I decided to ignore my dad's advice. I wish the book had focused more on dating, particularly, since the divorce rate is so high which likely means there are a significant number of police who are in relationships vs. marriage. Because I am not married to him, the support groups are minimal. After dating ( 8 months) this 44 year old cop who's been on the force for 23 years, I was shocked to learn of his "secret" life of spending time in Reno and areas outside of Sacramento where there are numerous girlie type clubs and where there is illicit sexual activity. The author touched upon some of this, however, I am hoping that she will come out with another book that addresses some of these issues more in depth. Because of his experiences, our sexual life has become difficult as it appears to represent a kind of activity commensurate with the action of police life. More definitely needs to be written on the subject of being in relationship with a police. I Love A Cop represents a good beginning. Incidentally, I gave the book to him for reading and he was taken aback by some of the candor that allowed him to see elements of himself.
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11 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Laurel Hart on January 16, 1999
Format: Paperback
This book is an excellent resource for the families and/or loved ones of police officers. It goes into great detail about the psychological and emotional changes that all law enforcement personnel go through during their years on the job. The author helps you to understand and learn to cope with these changes. She also addresses the personal dangers the sometimes come with this type of high-risk job, i.e. alcohol/drug abuse and domestic abuse. There is also a special section on the added challenges that face women, minority and gay/lesbian cops, as well as cop couples.
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful By Karen Kaczmarczyk on February 27, 2002
Format: Paperback
My husband is a veteran police officer with 11 years on the streets. I've been with him for 7 of those years. I would strongly recommend this book to anyone in the early stages of a relationship with a police officer or to anyone who just doesn't quite understand why living with a police officer is so much different than living with anyone else. It goes far beyond dealing with shift work & overtime! Being a police officer isn't just a job to the officer, it's who they are, not simply what they do for a living. The uniform & badge may come off, but he or she is still a police officer. In itself, that's very difficult to get accustomed to living with on a daily basis. It's definitely a book that every law enforcement family needs to read..and it's a great reference book as well.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 20, 1999
Format: Paperback
Being the wife of a police officer, it's sometimes difficult to fully understand what our loved one goes through at work. My husband was involved in critical incidents while on the job, and this book helped me to understand both what he was going through, and how I could help. I think this book should be required reading for spouses of both rookie officers and police veterans! It covers various topics - all very helpful and important.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 30, 2001
Format: Paperback
Falling in love with a cop was natural for me. After all, I'm a military kid. I thought I knew all there was to know about loving and living with a "warrior". I was wrong. While there are a few similarities to the military lifestyle, the law enforcement culture is unique and, in a way, much more personal. Sending Dad off to fight a foreign battle is one thing; standing in line at the checkout behind one of your love's "clients" is entirely another. I found this book helpful. Kirschman ends each section with a series of practical "tips" we can all try to apply immediately. And, while sections of this book don't apply to my situation, I'm glad to have this text available to me (especially the extensive reference section). I got a lot out of it - enough to come here and purchase one for my sister - also in love with a cop.
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5 of 6 people found the following review helpful By Michelle Libby on July 9, 2000
Format: Paperback
This book was recommended to me by a fellow cop wife. I finally read it, and was so relieved. Many of the things that I have been dealing with over the last 6 years, she addressed in the book. I came to realize that I'm not coping with issues that are unique. The life of a cop wife and family is not easy, but we are not alone. I truly believe that this should be mandatory reading for all families of police officers, new and old.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Andy O'Hara on December 26, 2009
Format: Paperback
I spent a career in law enforcement, and Ellen Kirschman's books sit above my desk with what I consider to be a the two or three most important books that should (must) be read by officers, family members, applicants, friends, and even police retirees trying to sort out the residue of their careers. Kirschman has worked countless hours with law enforcement officers and understands their depths and mountaintops better than anyone. Her insights, her wisdom and her advice should be dwelt on and incorporated into your life, whichever group you are in. Some of it you may not want to hear--but you should listen anyway.
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