Love, Ellen: A Mother/Daughter Journey [Paperback]

Betty Degeneres (Author)

Book Description

Release date: April 26, 2000

"Mom, I'm gay." With three little words, gay sons and daughters can change their parents' lives forever. Twenty years ago, during a walk on a Mississippi beach, Ellen DeGeneres spoke those simple, powerful words to her mother. That emotional moment eventually brought mother and daughter closer than ever, but it was not without a struggle. In Love, Ellen, Betty DeGeneres tells her story: the complicated path to acceptance and the deepening of her friendship with her daughter, the media's scrutiny of their family life, and the painful and often inspiring stories she's heard on the road as the first nongay spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out Project.

Insightful, universally touching, and uncommonly wise, Love, Ellen is a story of friendship between mother and daughter and a lesson in understanding for all parents and their children.

"Mom, I'm gay." With three little words, gay children can change their parents' lives forever. Yet at the same times it's a chance for those parents to realize nothing, really, has changed at all; same kid, same life, same bond of enduring love.

Twenty years ago, during a walk on a Mississippi beach, Ellen DeGeneres spoke those simple, powerful words to her mother. That emotional moment eventually brought mother and daughter closer than ever, but not without a struggle. Coming from a republican family with conservative values, Betty needed time and education to understand her daughter's homosexuality -- but her ultimate acceptance would set the stage for a far more public coming out, one that would change history.

In Love, Ellen, Betty DeGeneres tells her story; the complicated path to acceptance and the deepening of her friendship with her daughter; the media's scrutiny of their family life; the painful and often inspiring stories she's heard on the road as the first non-gay spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaigns National Coming Out Project.

With a mother's love, clear minded common sense, and hard won wisdom, Betty DeGeneres offers up her own very personal memoir to help parents understand their gay children, and to help sons and daughters who have been rejected by their families feel less alone."Mom, I'm gay." With three little words, gay children can change their parents' lives forever. Yet at the same times it's a chance for those parents to realize nothing, really, has changed at all; same kid, same life, same bond of enduring love.

Twenty years ago, during a walk on a Mississippi beach, Ellen DeGeneres spoke those simple, powerful words to her mother. That emotional moment eventually brought mother and daughter closer than ever, but not without a struggle. Coming from a republican family with conservative values, Betty needed time and education to understand her daughter's homosexuality -- but her ultimate acceptance would set the stage for a far more public coming out, one that would change history.

In Love, Ellen, Betty DeGeneres tells her story; the complicated path to acceptance and the deepening of her friendship with her daughter; the media's scrutiny of their family life; the painful and often inspiring stories she's heard on the road as the first non-gay spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaigns National Coming Out Project.

With a mother's love, clear minded common sense, and hard won wisdom, Betty DeGeneres offers up her own very personal memoir to help parents understand their gay children, and to help sons and daughters who have been rejected by their families feel less alone.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

More than 20 years have passed since Ellen DeGeneres came out to her mother on a beach in Mississippi. Stunned, Betty DeGeneres could only think of her own disappointed expectations. As she put her arms around her daughter, she was struck by the realization that she would never see Ellen's picture on the engagements page of the Times-Picayune, her local paper. That Ellen would eventually appear on the front page of the Picayune and countless newspapers and magazines around the world is an irony not lost on her mother: "If I had known she was going to grow up to be Ellen DeGeneres," Betty quips, "I would have taken more pictures."

Now the spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out Project, Betty DeGeneres travels the country explaining how she came to terms with her daughter's sexuality, and how love and acceptance can transform a family. Love, Ellen is an extension of her warm and much-admired public speaking, providing insight into her own life as well as Ellen's and arguing for further education, compassion, and the passage of antidiscrimination laws. --Regina Marler --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

DeGeneres spent most of her life as a hard-working, middle-class woman consumed with her marriages, raising her kids and making a living. That changed in 1997 when her actress/comedian daughter, Ellen DeGeneres, "came out" as a lesbian, both personally and as "Ellen Morgan," her character on the nationally televised sitcom Ellen. The first TV show to feature a major gay character, it precipitated extreme scrutiny of its star's life, prompting Betty to make a series of television appearances in support of her daughter. In this autobiography, DeGeneres details her own life, Ellen's childhood and how she came to terms with her daughter's lesbianism. She writes clearly and honestly about her innocence as a young adult, the problems of her second and third marriages, her breast cancer and her eventual ability to accept herself as "her own person." The only "shocking" revelation is that, allegedly, her third husband made advances on her daughter when Ellen was 17. The elder DeGeneres is now a spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights lobbying group, and continues today as an "everymom" helping parents understand and accept their gay children. Little here is particularly unique or interesting, which is, in part, DeGeneres's point: her family and her daughter are average Americans, and homosexuality is a normal variation of sexual identity and activity. While DeGeneres's intentions are good and she's clearly motivated by her love for her daughter, her book is far too long and uninvolving. The most important parts of her message probably would have been better conveyed in a 45-minute speech. Eight-page photo insert not seen by PW. Major ad/promo; 10-city author tour; 22 city satelite tour.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: It Books (April 26, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0688176887
• ISBN-13: 978-0688176884
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 13.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (45 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #28,965 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #2 in Books > Gay & Lesbian > Biographies & Memoirs > Lesbian
  • #31 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Family Relationships > Parent & Adult Child

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

56 of 60 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Do a favor for your parents & yourself - buy them this book. April 25, 1999

By Rick Carlton

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

I'm a gay male who purchased a copy of Betty's book for my own reading. By the time I was done, I bought two more copies - one for my parents and another for my sister. I realized that they might benefit from a book written from "their" point of view.

It's so important that messages like Betty's get out to the world. Not just the gay and lesbian world, but the world in general. Simply put - "Love one another."

I can only hope and wish that Oprah or some other high-profile media outlet picks up a copy and gives this book the promotion it deserves.

Isn't it funny how when kids are growing up, we tell them all just how special they are.... And then when they go and show just how special they are - what our responses can be.

Thank you Betty, for writing a book from your heart and soul. Nothing like this could be easy, and I thank you again for telling such a personal story so that it might benefit others.

44 of 47 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Mom, I'm Gay! A Mother's Process September 7, 1999

By A Customer

Format:Hardcover

As I read the book, 'Love, Ellen,' which was written by Ellen Degeneres' mother, Betty, the words stirred memories deep inside of me. I first laughed. I then cried. I was unquestionably moved.

Like Betty, my mother was brought up in the same generation and in a family with conservative values. Issue were not addressed. The 'G' and 'L' words were unspoken and closeted. It was the 'don't ask, don't tell policy,' where your secrets and feelings were stored in your inner vault.

Throughout 'Love, Ellen,' Betty leads the reader on a journey from a mother's perspective seemingly through the stages of grief, ranging from denial: 'Even as I tried to understand, I was in a state of denial. `But Ellen, boys have always liked you, and you're so popular. You just need to meet the right one.''

...to anger: ''..Are you sure?' The question hung in the air. It sounded judgmental. I softened it, saying, `I mean, couldn't this just be a phase?''

...to bargaining: 'I understand that my disappointment was not for Ellen. It was for me. I was the one whose marriages hadn't worked out according to expectations. Why on earth should she have to fulfill my dreams? Why not love her and support her as she fulfilled her own?'

...to depression: '...Ellen never had an engagement picture in my hometown paper...I had always fantasized about seeing Ellen's picture there and about her marrying some fine man about myself as being the proud mother of the bride...I felt as if a dream had been shattered.'

...through the acceptance stage: 'Like most parents, I went through a process. It took me time to think about this, to sort out what was important, to get past my terrible ignorance and learn about homosexuality. Though somewhat familiar with the myths and fallacies that are all two common, I need to learn the facts. Two of the most important facts I would learn were, first of all, that as a rule people don't choose to be homosexual; and second, that being gay is normal and healthy. But embracing these truths would take time.'

I enjoyed 'Love, Ellen so much that I gave my mother a copy for Mother's Day with the inscription: 'I don't want you to blame yourself for my sexual orientation. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. I want you to accept it because you love me... because I want you to be part of my life and I'm your daughter. And I believe `One of the nicest things about being mother and daughter is that one day you discover you've turned into friends.''

Julie L. Shaffer was homegrown in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and she has been recently transplanted in Seattle via a John Deere tractor. Apparently, Julie has a collection of wonderful implements. That's farm implements, you know.

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars A good Place To Start... June 27, 2000

By paula Johnson

Format:Hardcover

Coming out to anybody is never easy. For me, and thousands of other gay women (and men), coming out to my parents proved to be something which weighed constantly on my already burdened mind. I constantly ran through in my head, the conversation in which I would tell them...It always came down to the same thing: "I can't do it..". There are no handbooks on how to tell somebody something like this, because everybody's situations are different, and of course, a person's reactions to such news cannot always be judged. I was worried about how my parents would react, what they would say...Then A friend recommended this book. I was sceptical..how could a book make any difference to me? It did. Betty Degeneres's approach to writing about her experience is warm, honest, humourous and uplifting. After I'd finished the book, I felt confident that my I could tell my parents. Betty's reaction when she was first told, and her actions following that moment which changed her life were written about, perhaps as some form of self therapy or acceptance. Reading her thoughts and feelings enabled me personally to rid myself of the demons in my mind which scared me into thinking my mother and father would dis-own me. I guess my point is (and i do have one!) that reading about this from a mother's point of view certainly put things in perspective for me. It was, in short, invaluable. All mother/daughter relationships are different, some of us may be close, some of us may not. My mother and I both became closer after I'd told her I'm gay, something which I'm sure I would've remained being to scared to do - but for reading Betty Degeneres's book. I got the message that A mother's love takes alot to budge, which at that time, was something I desperatly needed to be reassured of. I'd be interested to hear from others in my situation, and whether reading this book helped them as it helped me. [e-mail] *Feel free to mail me.