Customer Reviews

The Love Guru

5 star:		(12)
4 star:		(16)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(11)
1 star:		(23)

 

 

I remember the negative rumblings when this film was in production. The advance screening reviews did not treat it well, and most reviews once it opened also were not good, some of them downright brutal. Then it was in and out of my local megaplexes in less than a month. Now it's on DVD, right after the end of the summer, not even waiting for the holiday market, not even tying into some kind of wacky Halloween marketing-thing.

Through all of these increasingly negative omens I kept faith, figuring, "Hey, it's Mike Myers, the man who brought us "Sprockets" on Saturday Night Live, the Wayne's World guy, the Austin Powers guy." I like to watch So I Married an Axe Murderer when it's on cable; I even know most of that crazy "O, Harriett" beat poem. I knew that while this particular film might not be his best, that it could be Mike Myers' Blame It On Rio, that I'd still find it overall funny and entertaining.

Not so. This film is absolute junk, right from the beginning. It was so awful, I turned it off after 40 minutes.

Yes, it really is that bad. In Amazon.com reviews I have savaged--given them what they're due, actually--that ridiculous CGI-permeated gunk Van Helsing and that vapid Hollywood The Stepford Wives (Special Collector's Edition) garbage, and I recently let I Am Legend have it as well, each for their own failings. But I sat through each of those stinkers, right through to the end titles. This one didn't even earn that level of interest and respect. By forty minutes, I had had enough of the idiotic humor, the flat jokes, the bad characters, Myers wallowing in his own grossly overinflated sense of comedic creativity and personal hip-itude, and I had no interest at all in seeing how it would all turn out.

Myers plays a wacky Indian guru, a holy man specializing in love and relationships, but he has neither love nor a relationship of his own, and a clanking elephant-head chastity belt to boot. The guru comes across as self-centered, money-grubbing, commercially prostituted, demented, capricious, manipulative and foul. There is no serenity, no grace, not the slightest indication of any kind of scholarly depth, just a rapid-fire stream of idiotic caca-doody and genital jokes. It's all urine and feces, phallic goofs, simulated pain inflicted on male sexual parts, the kind of stuff I found trite once I matured into 7th grade. Now, I love the Jackass movies, so I know from funny in slapstick agony, genitals and excretory humor. But this film was just mindless, moronic junk, a collection of Myers' jokes and stupid puns, the stuff that didn't make the cut for the second Austin Powers sequel, run together with a contrived, meandering, patchwork, pathetically predictable story.

If you've seen the film, you'll know that Myers' Guru Pitka would say that this film is pure Comprehensive Radical Adjustment Participation.

I mean, in the scene in which Myer's guru and his destined love have their first big date, he has arranged a very special meal which looks exactly like human testicles. Both he and Jessica Alba bray their way through the endless stupid jokes, it all ending with the hilariously beaten and mutilated edible having to be discarded. We've already been beaten over the head that the guru wants Alba as THE love of his incongruously empty life, and so this is the way he, The Love Guru, the man who has so much depth and experience in love and relationships, creates his first impression for his one-and-only? Absolute garbage.

Myers' Indian guru character offended even me, and I'm about as white-bread as they come. His bad Indian accent drifted in between the Saturday Night Live/"So I Married an Axe Murderer" Scottish Dad, Fat Bastard and Shrek. I mean, he couldn't even take the time to get his Indian accent down, so busy was he working on these complex, meaningful, mutually reinforcing gags about elephant dung and fighting with mops dripping with the fresh urine of his deeply honored guru-master.

Vern Troyer is reduced to spewing profanities, being the butt of increasingly vicious little-person jokes and a series of demeaning, ugly sight gags in which he is always the victim of physical violence.

Ben Kingsley--the guy who played freeking Gandhi, and won the Oscar for it--is reduced to playing a cross-eyed clown. Sad.

Jessica Alba is stunning, predictably, but still just can't act, even in this shallow story.

And then there was the endless parade of celebs who want to be in a Mike Myers film, from Val Kilmer to Oprah, bad and forced cameos all, the kind of overblown star-packing formula that made me puke in "Goldmember."

The only good part I encountered lasted all of 20 seconds, a wonderfully done, detailed spin on the typical Bollywood boy-girl musical number, with Myers and Alba. It was great, right down to the disorienting camera zooms, the impossible physical backdrops, the music and lyrics, the nauseatingly deep, warbling color and a jittery box with understated yet funny subtitles. This was what this film should have been.

Bottom line: Avoid this film; there is nothing redeeming in it. For a more entertaining South Asian romantic comedy experience, watch The Guru instead.

Forget about Mike Myers for a minute. Let's begin with Ben Kingsley, the Oscar winning actor who actually appears in "The Love Guru"; he plays a cross-eyed spiritual advisor from India, and his name is not a double entendre so much as it's a blatant sexual reference smushed into a single word. The sight of this man is hilarious, and yet I didn't want to laugh because I know that Kingsley has made so many better choices than this film. What possessed him to act in a film this unashamedly juvenile? Did he find the idea of nonstop [...] gags appealing? I might as well be asking myself the same questions, because in all honesty, "The Love Guru" often had me giggling like a six-year-old who heard his first dirty joke. But to call this movie a comedic masterpiece would be an insult to the very concept of comedy.

The plot focuses on Pitka (Myers), an American-born, Indian-raised guru who was taught by Kingsley's character to become an expert in matters of love. How, I'm not entirely sure; he was forced to put on a metal chastity belt at the age of twelve, and there it would stay until he learned how to love himself above all others. Be that as it may, he's now a world-renowned spiritual advisor, guiding hundreds of followers with his bits of wisdom. He even attracts celebrities like Mariska Hargitay, and that's really interesting because her name doubles as his blessing for peace, love, and tranquility. But for all his fame and fortune, Pitka feels empty inside because he's only the second most famous guru. The first, of course, is Deepak Chopra. There is, however, a way for Pitka to increase his popularity: he must heal a troubled relationship between a Hockey player and his wife, who left him for another Hockey player. If Pitka can help them, he will be secured a guest spot on Oprah's show.

This opportunity arises because of Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba), owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs; the team's star player, Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco), broke up with his wife, Prudence (Meagan Good), and as a result, his Hockey skills have been waning. This shouldn't be a problem for Pitka, who's always ready with a slew of sayings hidden within acronyms. Examples: GURU is short for Gee, You Are You, and BIBLE is short for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. He also has published a number of self-help books with such inspiring titles as "If You're Happy and You Know It, Think Again," and "Does it Hurt When You Do That? Don't Do That." He introduces himself to Darren by rolling in on a motorized pillow and telling him that his wife has forgiven him. Low and behold, Darren's practice shots improve dramatically; Pitka then understands that the key to Darren's success is about distraction, not merely about reconciling a feuding couple.

Thus begins a strict regiment of spiritual guidance. Darren's first big obstacle is his wife's new boyfriend, a French-Canadian Hockey player named Jacque Grande (Justin Timberlake). His talent is huge, much like his ... well, let's just say that there's a reason this man is so fond of roosters. Darren's second obstacle is his mother (Telma Hopkins), whose loveable face hides an incredibly overbearing personality. If Pitka can convince him to face her, he might be able to overcome years of emotional scarring. This, in turn, will bring him one step closer to patching things up with Prudence.

Intertwined with all of this is the relationship between Pitka and Jane, which steadily grows. Jane feels inadequate because of what she calls the Bullard Curse; the long and short of it is that everyone in the city blames her for the Maple Leafs' losing streak. As a result, men stay as far away from her as possible. I have a feeling the audience won't care about this subplot one bit--all anyone will notice are the film's back-to-back sexual innuendoes related to male genitalia. There are also a fair number of gags featuring the Maple Leafs' coach, an angry, foulmouthed dwarf played by Verne Troyer. You remember Verne Troyer as Mini Me from the "Austin Powers" sequels, don't you? The dwarf jokes in those films wore thin after a while. The same can be said in the case of "The Love Guru." Truth be told, every joke wears thin at a certain point.

But I can't deny the fact that I laughed every now and then. Consider cameo appearances by Stephen Colbert and Jim Gaffigan as sports announcers--they add nothing meaningful to the story, yet their one-liners are so outlandish that I found myself smiling. I'm not exactly proud of myself for that. I know that there are much better comedies out there, ones that don't begin and end with musical numbers and feature two elephants having sex in a Hockey rink. Again, I turn my attention back to Ben Kingsley, who chose to play a cross-eyed Indian despite his accomplished career: Did that same guilty laughter haunt him as he read the script? Was he actually tempted by the idea of telling masturbation jokes to audiences of immature teenagers? Maybe so, because goodness knows I wasn't strong enough to completely resist it. There's absolutely no good reason to see "The Love Guru," even if you think you will find it funny.

I LOVE THIS MOVIE I COMPLETELY AGREE THIS MOVIE IS NOT VERY FUNNY TO ME BUT MY HUSBAND LAUGHS HIS CHEEKS OFF SO IT DEPENDS ON YOU I PERSONALLY LOVE THIS MOVIE YOU JUST CANT GET TIRED OF IT ITS VERY ENTERTAINING I AGREE WITH OTHER VIEWERS ITS A LIL MORE STUPID BUT IT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH AT LEAST ONCE BUT ITS VERY ENJOYABLE TO WATCH! WITH THE FAMILY ITS A NICE MOVIE MIGH NOT BE HILARIOUS BUT IT HAS ITS THING AND I PERSONALLY LOVE THIS MOVIE DONT GET TIRED OF WATCHING IT NEITHER DOES MY HUSBAND SO I THINK IT WAS WELL WORTH EVERY PENNY. :)

I had been waiting for a new Myers film for a while, and expecting from older films, like Austin Powers, So I Married a Axe Murder and the others, I found this film hit the spot too. But what of the bad reviews? Even my sister who is an avid Myers fan didn't like this film. I say it's likely a hero falling form grace kind of thing, Myers is good, so fans want to see him fail, you can see that with Jim Carrey right now. I just liked the film, I have quite the pallet for every genre and enjoy sophisticated films to slapstick, so I don't see what is so bad about this film, I think it was just that time of the month for the player haters to bleed out allover films like guru, it happens.

At the onset, let me agree whole-heartedly, Mike Meyers has done much better work in the past, and this will never be counted as his best.

But, it is not as bad as everyone out there is apt to point out.

Agreed - the humor is mostly bad, it's full of genitalia jokes, and some really "bad taste" sequences (look out for the mop-fight!), but I wouldn't just trash the movie as yet.

Myers plays an Indian Love Guru (anyone said "Peter Sellers in The Party"?) named Guru Pitka, taught by a squint-eyed Ben Kingsley (why? and more importantly, how?) to spread the message of peace and love to the world, but bound by a vow (read "chastity belt"), until such time as he begins to love himself, above all else.

This last part didn't make sense (yes! even more than the other stuff!) to me. But then, we'll come back to this a little later.

He has nightmares about being the second-best Guru in the business, always behind the eponymous Deepak Chopra. To become numero uno, he must prove he is good enough by re-uniting an estranged hockey player with his wife, which would win him an invitation from Oprah, which, in turn, would make him No. 1.

The plot is not funny, and largely, neither is the cast. But I have to admit I couldn't keep from laughing my a** off on more than one ocassion. Myers' speciality is to shock you and force you to break into a laughter, a stunt which the Guru Pitka also pulls many times during the movie, and succeeds quite often in.

The sillyness index is quite high, but if you have time on your hand and have a chance to see this flick, you might actually give it a second thought.

Cameo appearances by Jessica Simpson, Val Kilmer, Mariska Hargitay (Det. Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU), and Deepak Chopra fill the gaps in the movie.

Uh, and yes, about that remark "love yourself, above all else" makes sense when Chopra meets Guru P. and says "You are free", to which the GP replies, "I'm no longer the next Deepak Chopra, I'm the first Guru Pitka".

Peppered by such quips intermittently, and a laugh here-and-there, the movie was enough to make me watch it full and not discard it simply because so many people did.

Not bad, I'd say.

Mike Myers' latest attempt to emulate the comic genius of Peter Sellers falls painfully flat. With the proper script and direction, "The Love Guru" concept would have been ideal for Sellers in the late 1960s. Though Myers deserves a little credit for trying something different, the material simply isn't there.

I don't care what anybody says this movie is hilarrious mike myers is freakin hillarious in this movie. it's a must see

This is simply the worst movie I ever saw.
I love the Austin Powers movies and could watch them repeatedly.
I was so disaapointed in this movie that I feel compelled to save everyone from this terrible let down.
There was one or two funny moments and that is it. Mike floped on this one and I am amazed that it got released. This movie rivals Catwoman for the worst movie ever made award.
AVOID !!!!!

I thought this film was alright. Most of the story, at least what there is of one, is obviously from the mind of Myers. He is fantastic at creating strange characters and bringing them to life. The thing here is the titular character is better suited to a recurring skit instead of a full length film. The initial joke wears off long before the closing credits and much of the humor is just a variation of the same theme.

Basically Myers plays Guru Maurice Pitka, the second most famous guru, after Deepak Chopra. When the star player of the Toronto Maple Leafs, Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) begins to falter just before the Stanley Cup the owner of the team, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) hires Pitka to get his game back. This plot line also demonstrates a love that Myers has for Hockey, a natural for a native born Canadian. The screenplay is full of jokes that push right up to the limits of good taste and boldly goes over that line. Most of the jokes are repetitive and while funny at first soon become increasingly annoying. Okay, the one concerning the name of Mariska Hargitay has a bit more staying power and is accentuated by a cameo by the actress. In fact this movie seems to have an inordinate number of well known guest appearances. Many of the jokes are on the level of grade school humor. One example concerns an Uncle Jack being helped off an elephant. I don't have to be explicit here; if you think back to sixth grade you've heard the joke before. It appears here that Myers was channeling his inner child while writing this script.

Director Schnabel manages to get the most out of a cast that deserves better than this. How they got an actor like Sir Ben Kensley to play a cross eyed mentor is beyond belief but as the consummate actor he is Sir Ben gives it his all. Justin Timberlake also gives a surprisingly good performance here. As a pop music sensation he is wisely going for smaller off beat roles instead of prematurely trying to carry a whole film on his own. Alba is a beautiful young woman and she actually has a great scene of comic timing but here her looks are what is showcased.

Paramount does do a great job of presenting the film to DVD. The audio and video are excellent and there are even a good number of extras. There are 11 deleted scenes if you really need to see things that were not considered good enough to make the final cut. I do have to admit I laughed at the blooper reel. It does seem that the cast had a great deal of fun making the flick. There are three featurettes that detail ever aspect of the production for those that really have to know.

A bunch of wisecracking comedians gather around a hockey rink in order to assist the star player of the Toronto Maple Leafs come back to his prior level of skills. Why have his skills diminished? Because he recently lost his girlfriend to a rival hockey player by the name of Jacque Grande, played by Justin Timberlake. Wait, did I actually watch a film with Justin Timberlake in it? Yes, and surprisingly, it was very good.

The story focuses around just that, Darren (played by Romany Malco), a once all-star caliber hockey player, and star player of the Maple Leafs, has begun to lose his touch in the rink. His once legendary skills have begun to diminish, due to his recent breakup with longtime girlfriend Prudence (played by Meagan Good). As a result of the rapid decline of the team's record, Guru Maurice Pitka (Mike Myers) is called in by the owner of the Maple Leafs (Jessica Alba) to try to help Darren get his game and his girl back.

Guru Pitka is considered to be the second greatest "love guru" in the world. He has written several books on the subject matter, and his ultimate goal is to appear on the Oprah show and become the number one love guru in the world. His best shot of achieving this goal is to help Darren and the Maple Leafs reestablish themselves as a highly skilled team. The story can be lackluster, at times, but the jokes can be quite invigorating. Through a series of offbeat jokes and major laughs produced by not only Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, Verne Troyer, and Romany Malco, but also by the wisecracking announcer played by Stephen Colbert, the laughs are consistent and frequent.

Everyone in the movie seems to have something to prove, not only to themselves, but to someone else as well. For Darren, it's proving he's more of a man than his mom thought; for Jane it's showing the fans of the Leafs that she is a competent owner; and for Guru Pitka it's much more than what he initially intended. Many of the jokes come off as "childish" and immature, seeming more like jokes that junior high students would find funny, while others are actually quite good. Mike Myers does a great job at playing the second most famous love Guru, and his humorous acronyms and abbreviations are quite unique. Jessica Alba, as usual, is beautiful, but looks aside, she does a great job at producing a few laughs of her own. This seemingly all-star cast did a great job despite the somewhat lacking storyline. The blooper reel is a great special feature worth checking out as well. All in all, I would say to check this film out if you're a fan of Mike Myers' comedy films.