Customer Reviews

To Love is to be Happy with: Miracle of One Autistic Child (Condor Books)

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Kaufman explains in clear and simple language how we come to acquire beliefs that can undermine our happiness and effectiveness. Remarkably, these beliefs were taught and adopted with the best of intentions, to protect and guide us. When we lack the necessary awareness, though, we can not see the harm these beliefs do in our lives.

Kaufman introduces a set of attitudes to consider along with a simple system of inquiry which he calls the Option Process. He presents many actual dialogues he has had using the Option Process with a variety of individuals beset by a wide range of serious challenges. The dialogues are a powerful way of identifying beliefs which do not serve us, or upon conscious examination, do not seem to make sense. In reading through these dialogues, I was amazed at how quickly many of these individuals were able to emerge from their stuck states, let go of beliefs that did not serve them, and move on to more constructive perspectives and actions. While participants no doubt benefited from Kaufman's questions, the process can also be practiced on one's own.

Even though this book was written a number of years ago (1977), it in no way comes across as dated. In a number of respects, it reminds me of the process subsequently and independently developed by Byron Katie known as the Work. For this reader, though, the Option Process is much more accessible and straightforward.

For information about other books and programs, visit the website of the Option Institute at www.option.org/

The ideas in this book changed my life! It's the only approach to life I've ever seen that says we don't need to be unhappy. Period. We don't need anger, guilt, depression, sorrow or any of that to live a great life. We don't need negative emotions to motivate us or others. Amazing!

Incredibly simple yet packed full of insights
into how we think and behave in relationships.
Mr. Kaufman shines a light on all the beliefs we
hold about love and relationships, and how those
beliefs lead us to fear, anxiety, distance, confusion,
and distrust. Once I saw the beliefs, it gave me
the power to change them, and have the type of
relationship I always dreamed about.

This book employs the ancient phylosophy of Greek Stoicism in modern terms to empower the reader to deal with struggle and loss. It helps one define a positive, forceful live phylosophy with tools of self-examination and analysis. The simple but effective approach it uses works impressively.

Every part was helpful. The explanations gave me the background to understand the new ideas. The dialogue sections were easy and fun to read, and made each section crystal clear. The part I liked best, however, was the lists of "unhappy" beliefs that many people hold. I found many of my own beliefs on those lists and chose to change them. This one is my favorite of Kaufman's books.

Most people would rather be right than happy. Too bad.

For those people (which of course includes me, far more often than I would like), I recommend this book, which teaches ways to defuse stress and thrive with all of life's challenges.

Barry Neil Kaufman, therapist, author, motivational speaker, and co-founder of the Option Institute, observes that - despite disappointments, illnesses, and physical and emotional problems - we can all be happy. He shows us how to change our lives without pain (the only overlooked major point is that it does require focus and repetition to change how our brains work).

I read hundreds of books every year but, if I were forced to choose just one, this would probably be it. It created such a positive impact on the quality of my life! Only quibble - this is the book that should have been called "Happiness is a Choice" but Kaufman had already used this title for a previous book.

This wonderful book provides a lot of useful approaches to improving one's life. The author is plainly a very loving and empathetic person who has taken his life experiences and used them as teaching tools for others. Mere words do not do this book justice. It is something I would recommend highly to everyone.

Just reading this book will certainly improve your life. It is a step to take in making some empowering life decisions.

The book is easy to read, with many examples and case studies. It tries to give you a 'receipt for happiness', based on the idea that happiness is a state of mind, and we are all responsible for our own happiness.

The main problem I have with this book is that, the same arguments that can be used to 'enhance' your happiness may be used as a justification to hurt others: since none of us is resposible for the others' happiness, as the book promotes, then we can betray and lie and hurt the others without consequences. For example, it's not our responsability if we get bored with husband/wife and cheat; if this is according to our 'belief' system, then cheating is OK, because no matter what we do, we can absolve ourselves of guilt by thinking that each person is resposible for his/her own happiness.

I found it disturbing to read this philosophy; it seems there is no use for sacrifice for the good of others (children, spouses, friends, parents), since we are not to be held responsible for the 'happiness' and 'well-being' of the others.

It wasn't the original book i thought i was purchasing. To love is to Be happy, was about BNK's origins of discovering Option, together with sample dialogues of most common issues challanging us as humans.

I was thrilled to see that this incredible book is still around. I read it about 20 years ago and was so impressed that I gave copies to just about everyone I knew at the time. The message is worthwhile, thought-provoking and shockingly simple. Happy reading!